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View 13 posts and 304 comments by plomerst on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
717

RANTplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:01 PM
363

DISCUSSIONplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 02:56 PM
315

RANTplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 04:54 PM
252

DISCUSSIONplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 05:41 PM
173

RANTplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 06:24 PM
123

PODCAST DISCUSSIONplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 10:22 PM
121

DISCUSSIONplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:03 AM
115

DISCUSSIONplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 04:03 PM
112

DISCUSSIONplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 09:32 PM
82

NAH, SISplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:34 PM
60

RANTplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 05:16 AM
2

QUEEN SH*Tplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:55 PM
1

DISCUSSIONplomerst/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:54 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
33

I have always wanted to get married but now, after FDS, I am not so sure how that’s going to go. I was already very skeptical of men and cynical in a way, but now it’s at an ultimate high level. Now that I kind of understand the true nature of many men and the conditioning of many men, it is going to be extremely difficult for me to engage with a man and not see through a façade. Good news is I am much less likely to end up in an abusive or unhappy situation. And I won’t say that it’s the bad ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 11:43 PM
5

I feel like suddenly losing a bunch of weight due to starvation looks unhealthy and is not flattering. So many barre studios offer “bride packages” for brides 🙄🙄 I hate the marketing for it, I’ve never seen a “groom package” at my gym. But better to work out and adopt healthy habits at least...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 11:33 PM
7

That makes sense. Where I live, it’s not uncommon for adults to marry in their 30s+. Everyone is so focused on themselves, careers etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 12:20 PM
14

Lol my bestie told me to do this too. But after FDS, I don’t even send more than a word or 2. If someone pisses me off, I just delete their text thread so I never engage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 12:18 PM
47

I had a huge fall out with a guy over this. This was pre-FDS and a guy that I reconnected with after some years was flying into my city and wanted to take me out. He used to give in this city so he knew it to some extent, as it changes fast. He told me he had plans his first day to meet his former mentor/boss in the morning and then for me to let him know where to meet up. I asked him to decide and he didn’t, then I went off. He ignored me for the rest of the weekend. I assumed I was being diffi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:46 AM
25

Maybe it’s regional. Where I live, people really care about appearances
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:37 AM
186

I noticed the opposite actually. I noticed that couples in my circle get fitter OR just lose weight before their wedding. However, I noticed after getting married, many couples gain weight/fat.. both of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 01:24 AM
24

Also, asking for exclusivity is not a relationship. I made that mistake in the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 09:50 PM
43

At the start of the pandemic, and shortly after a bad break up, a guy friend/neighbor and I hung out. I got a bit drunk and broke down crying because I felt overwhelmed dealing with a parents health problem, my break up and the pandemic. He actually consoled me. Then I puked and he consoled me. And then he..kissed me, moments after I puked. I was drunk and participated, but in hindsight I felt taken advantage of because he knows I’m not usually a drinker and I was a hot mess of emotions. I told …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:38 PM
44

This is exactly how I grew up. Tho I now wonder if my dad would answer to ‘Mr. My moms last name’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:51 AM
13

This
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:49 AM
24

Lol same! It also bothers me when people immediately update their last name in things like their Apple contacts list. It just seems weird and overly eager to take on a mans last name. Like if I knew you as Sam Jones, why is so important that MY contact list changes you to Sam Jones-Bush from this date forward?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:48 AM
4

In my country of origin, women do not change their last name up on marriage, therefore I do not plan to either
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:43 AM
8

Yep. I actually see this greater social issue as allowing LVM and NVM to thrive. They feed into each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 12:19 AM
-4

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 08:34 PM
16

THIS! I think that’s what I am experiencing. Everyone is expected to be fun/funny and sometimes I feel like an ultimate debbie downer when I’m out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 08:33 PM
17

Of course I know hardship, I come from a refugee family out of Africa
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:07 PM
304

This is something that I struggle with on a recurring basis. I practice meditation, work out a tom, engage in self-care, and try to live a full and rich life. But I would be lying if I said that in the mornings when I wake up in my huge bed in my nice apartment, I do still desire having someone laying next to me. I try not to dwell on it, and show gratitude for all the blessings I do have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 04:22 PM
76

And if he seems to have a vastly different lifestyle than his more scrotey friends, they are probably living vicariously through those friends and at one point or another, they will engage in that same exact behavior
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:42 AM
46

This is why it’s better to be solo than around bums
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:35 AM
3

Thanks! I am not here to come up with tricks for a man to stay interested. It’s his job to please me, first and foremost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 10:06 PM
3

Unpredictable how?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 09:04 PM
63

Remembering block and delete is so great! Sometimes I instinctively start to react to a scrote, then FDS kicks in and the internal voice asks “why are you engaging?” Then I instantly feel relaxed again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 07:49 PM
8

I feel like they can start out adoring you and then slowly over time that adoration starts turning into resentment because they know you’re better than them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 03:11 AM
40

It’s hard not to at times. And people seem mad that I won’t lower my standards and choose solitude over slumming it. I’m not even tempted anymore tho. I used to be weak for certain men/exes, allowing them back in my life. But post FDS, I could never.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 08:01 PM
76

Yes, I really did try. I do feel exhausted in a way and knowing the ongoing work it takes to vet, I feel I have lost the drive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 06:11 PM
30

Not a lot, but a couple. But one friend had such a traumatizing experiende with a scrote that it really bothered me to see his dating profile. I blocked him but I wish I reported him lol..no other woman should have to experience him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 04:43 PM
64

It doesn’t have to change depending on your age, it’s whatever works for you depending on where you are in your life. When I was in my late 20s, before FDS, I dated a much older man who had a child from his ex-wife. However, I am now in my mid-30s and I would not date a man with children. At the time in my 20s, I wasn’t really dating to get married so the fact that he had a child didn’t bother me. But deep down I knew that I do not really want to be a stepparent, it is a very selfless role to pl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 03:05 PM
1

In great shape, takes care of himself, impressive career, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 12:52 PM
19

My friend is an attorney, traveled the world, nice life etc. She is dating a guy with a good job, but likely half of what she typically earns. He seems nice but she says they have arguments over silly things, for example he was mad she didn’t remember that he told her he ordered some device online bc it means she doesn’t listen. I kinda suspect it’s really bc he feels emasculated by her. He’s also a small guy so I can see him needing to feel important at home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 09:27 PM
1

Lol I thought you were accusing me of being a man!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:48 PM
14

I feel this way with many people in general, but def with most men. People think they’re so interesting and do/say things just to feed their ego and it’s so transparently sad lol. People don’t try to connect, engage, learn or understand anymore. I was recently in a group setting with grown adults and fart jokes were made…people were cracking up. I feel like debbie downer sometimes but I just can’t fake amusement. It feels like I’m in a circus sometimes, among performing clowns 🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 02:41 PM
45

Embarrassing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 02:21 PM
9

Haha! Welcome :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 02:24 AM
4

Ew. She is such a pickme. Too bad bc she is otherwise on point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 02:21 AM
1

Huh?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 07:48 PM
12

Sad truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:28 PM
27

Yea. I dated a man that I did not find that attractive, but I really liked him and enjoyed his company. But when he started annoying me, we were left with nothing because not even physical attraction was really there. From then on I vowed to only date men I am 100% attracted to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:26 PM
2

Lmao. She’s on a reality show called Vanderpump Rules
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:11 PM
3

I am not a Lala fan but her decision to leave and follow her gut is a good message. Too many women tolerate disrespect, especially if the man is rich.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:56 PM
15

Yep. I know people think she’s fake but she has displayed nothing but kindness and strength. Love her story of childhood homelessness to now buying her own multimillion dollar home. And she just turned 40..what wall?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:08 PM
29

Omg this is so true! I def feel that way at times and didn’t even realize it. I remember telling my ex about a good friend and said “we went through a lot together” and he smirked and asked “really, how?” When I told him she went through chemo when we were in our early-mid 20s and I was a caregiver when she had no one..he said “oh I was going to make fun of you guys.” 🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:56 AM
74

I thought Christine found a nice guy in Christian, but when I heard him talk smack about other women, I really really cringed. They’re both awful. Mary’s guy seems like a user, as well as Heather’s. I’m happy Chrishell is blossoming and doing her thing now that she’s single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:44 AM
347

I’m sorry that happened to you. When you use bumble, make sure that any profile that you talk to has that blue checkmark, which indicates that the person has been verified to be the person in the pictures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:59 AM
21

I agree! My bestie always says I’m a very thoughtful person, so it’s something I have to consciously reel in when in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:32 AM
4

I know she is, it was a joke that someone younger than him is too old..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:11 AM
11

She was prob too independent (or ‘old’) for him. LOL at my 90 downvotes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 12:35 AM
16

Yes. Couldn’t believe my ex was single into his late 30s..now it is so easy to understand why
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:46 PM
19

Lol this is why I love comedy..funny but spot on perspective
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:44 PM
-92

Rihanna?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 03:49 PM
6

Well the ring could be one of many. What’s wrong with me wanting a costly ring?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 02:32 AM
11

All the more reason to get an even pricier ring
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 01:47 AM
6

LOL i also thought she meant Wade but reread the title
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 01:16 AM
32

Omg this is why I don’t use peoples handtowels
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:59 AM
90

I dated this guy that lived like a complete hobo despite having money, and he was over at my house eating something with a spoon one day. He always washed the same spoon, put it back on my drying rack, and would reuse it if he happened to be eating yogurt or something. He looks up at me and goes on a rant about how I only own one spoon. He said it with judgment, like I am not an adequate adult. I walked over and opened a cabinet with an entire set with multiple sized spoons. He was silent 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:58 AM
35

Whirlwind romances
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:29 AM
256

That feminism was for fat or unattractive women because society is generally good to attractive women 😣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 11:44 PM
56

At least you can cash in that ring. Not saying a $20k-50k gift is worth dealing with a LVM, but much better than walking away with nothing but lost time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 08:42 PM
12

Lol yeah I get told I’m a “natural beauty”…I wear powder and some basic make up. Most women are more ‘natural’ than me imho.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:24 PM
2

Yeah definitely. Just stating how I previously interacted with different genders, not implying it was healthy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:54 PM
762

She believes that by ridiculing men on the website, users could actually be worsening misogyny by tapping into male insecurities. ’Belittling an individual makes them feel inferior and feeds insecurities, playing into misogyny, and keeping the cycle of misogynistic dating alive', said Emma. So we can’t call out misogyny bc it might get worse? SMDH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:47 PM
100

I used to spend all day texting with my first bf. It was so low value to waste my time like that. I now keep texting to a minimum- to make/confirm plans and to check in…not as a way to get to know each other or have nonstop convo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:13 AM
17

🚩🚩🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:24 AM
6

I feel (and look) a lot better! My confidence grew a lot too. But I did grow apart from a lot of friends, and it’s a bit lonely at times but I have good ways to embrace solitude too. I still have my struggles but I’m able to get through them in a more direct way. FDS was the last piece for me because dealing with men always threw me off balance and made me miserable, but now I get how to approach dating. The bar is now much higher with men, and there’s simply just not a lot of well rounded men. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:22 AM
25

I love this post, as I struggle with distinguishing the 2.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:08 AM
6

Yes. I have a friend that brags about her lack of depression and mental health symptoms..like you know the most interesting people in society struggle from mental heathy symptoms?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 11:58 PM
24

100% true. I would put up with subtle jabs and rudeness from female friends but if a male friend makes the smallest remark, I immediately call them out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 11:57 PM
7

I have spent so much time, energy and resources on self improvement for the last 10 years or so. I’m talking everything from getting in top notch shape, delving into meditation, improving my nutrition, volunteering, and reading/learning more about psychology. I cannot tell you how many people feel threatened by my improvement of self. I think I read a quote once that talked about people feeling threatened by your virtue, and that’s some thing that I have found to be true. A lot of people have to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 11:54 PM
62

At 28 I dated a 40 year old. My girl friends at the time were in their mid 30s and did not even date 40 year olds. I thought I was an ‘old soul’…turns out I just had no standards. He still reaches out obsessively and he is close to 50.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:33 PM
231

Correct! Pre FDS I had mostly male friends in my major city. They were about average in attractiveness but most were pretty successful education/career/income wise. They ENVY how easy it is for me (30+) and other women to get dates. They did not have many options and had to put in a lot of effort to get a date/sex. The women they did get were not that attractive to them but good enough for sex. The women were usually slightly younger than them, sometimes in their 20s but only ones who didn’t hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:33 PM
127

I am super independent (high earner, great lifestyle) but my ex was able to create emotional dependency. I’m a tough lady and by slowly allowing me to trust him created a closeness I became kinda dependent on. He also did things for me like fix my car and plumbing, which I swooned over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:21 PM
14

Dear Universe, please deliver me one of those 1/4 men that are not okay with lying 🙏🏽🙏🏽🤞🏾
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:17 PM
24

What I mean is like if he made $80k gross, his net would be $60k. If he said he made $100k and actually makes 100k gross and he actually made 80k net, I wouldn’t consider that a lie. So his excuse doesn’t make sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 11:07 PM
65

He is a liar and does not come clean when exposed, rather he lies to you even more. If he was really reporting his net vs gross income, it would not explain why he inflated his income…presumably he would have given you a lower number, right? Block/delete. Sorry you had to find out like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 09:55 PM
2

Wow spot on! I pity the youth bc of social media but the accesible knowledge is so valuable..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 06:41 PM
8

Right! A few times I had out of the blue told men I was seeing that I was thinking about them..and they would all that light up or get super happy (I’m the aloof type lol).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 06:37 PM
5

I’ve had a couple guys say they’re gonna surprise me with xyz or take me somewhere “special” next time, but then they never delivered and almost forgot they made such statements. I was always majorly turned off but but always forgave..ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 05:52 PM
46

Yes. I could maybe understand if he immediately messaged you in the app to ask for your number, but now it has been two days…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 05:42 PM
92

I relate with the ogling of men in the presence of their partners. If I’m out for a run in the summer (meaning more fitted clothes) or out and about alone, I see women tense up when they see me …and the men with them will always always check me out. These women know what kind of men they’re with, it’s so sad. I always feel icky. Luckily I have never heard comments about me with couples, only with single men or single women with their own respective gendered friends. Usually women with their wand…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 09:19 PM
8

Yeah, it seems weird to do it like that..doesn’t seem genuine. Do men do it as a neg or really just thinking they’re being complimentary in an area they feel you should be insecure about?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 06:25 PM
4

Thanks!! My dad is cool with it, keeps saying it’s my choice and I should not be expected to be with someone I don’t even like. But he doesn’t speak up to her and does not check in with how I’m doing. I think I blindly let it go on for so long and put my mom on a pedestal and now the blinders suddenly are off..so I’m angry. Like I finally get all of my issues. Like I dated men who treated me just like my mom does- adoring but critical, no emotional maturity, and usually much older than me. I als…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 08:48 PM
5

Thanks. I’m realizing that I’ve dated men that treat me like my mom, a lot to unpack here…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 07:21 PM
2

Thanks! I do volunteer on a weekly basis but these days it’s mostly virtual. I am doing something with the homeless next week tho! No platonic friends that can give me an embrace but I have a lot or hobbies that help cheer me up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 01:40 PM
7

Unfortunately I don’t have the kind of friends to share such things with and a lot of friends didn’t survive the FDS LV purge I did last year. I cut off exes, male friends and people that were pretty toxic. My family is small, I was always close to my parents. I always do things alone so it’s tough right now, but I’ll be okay. I’ll spoil myself some more tomorrow. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 05:02 AM
9

Thanks! I understand the difference and I have embraced solitude for many years. I still feel lonely, I miss a warm embrace and feeling supported by another human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:20 AM
11

Yeah but then I’d rather just avoid seeing her..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 01:46 AM
6

I don’t help financially but help with his medical management type of stuff just bc I am more familiar with things since I was educated here. My mom doesn’t need me I suppose..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 01:44 AM
29

❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:56 PM
25

Thanks. I’m solid in my choice/goals but it sucks that my mom is ruining our relationship over this. And I can’t help but feel lonely since i chose solitude over scrotes I can’t just hear such comments and visually see someone is displeased with me and power through. I have to remove myself from such people, even if its my mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:39 PM
40

Omg you’re reading my mind. I am off for a few weeks during the holiday and want to use it to treat myself. I am very close to my parents (I will still support my dad, he has health issues and m doesn’t bug me) but thought I need to distance myself for a good bit. I’m also forgiving so I hope I persist. But there was a shift when my mom told me she is upset when she sees me..that was just hard to hear and we haven’t spoken much at all since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:36 PM
202

Thanks so much! I just got high and about to Indian food as I finish a TV series..not too shabby. What upsets me the most is her inability to ‘be strong’ (idk if that’s the best term here) for me. She knows I want children (iffy on marriage) and that of course as I get older, I feel societal pressure. Instead of being strong and encouraging, she chooses to make me feel inadequate. She once told me I have “nothing” without a husband and kids. She actually makes me stressed about meeting someone m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:31 PM
23

Thanks. I’ve been lonely in general lately and this day made it worse
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:10 PM
16

I agree. I’m a ‘homebody’ when it comes to my free time with myself or family. But I still like new experiences and when I socialize, I want it done outside the home. When men say they prefer nights in and cooking meals, that screams cheap. Those are activities for people that know each other somewhat well, not for early dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 06:32 PM
2

I agree it’s cultural and translates differently (poorly?) in the modern western societies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 03:33 PM
18

Good for you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 03:29 PM
10

i loved when she said that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 11:20 PM
23

Lol they come with their own set of issues. But most major US cities seem to have a plethora of educated professionals and they all seem to only want to date each other. Perhaps because I stay away from super liberal guys, I’ve never dated a 50/50 kind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 09:21 PM
97

The lie alone deserves a block. Then factor in stupidity..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 07:55 PM
13

Continue to use FDS as you meet/vet men, and you won’t even need a PI. Men are pretty transparent once you figure out their whole schtick..and the things that may unfold down the line, a PI cannot uncover (like him deciding in 10 years to act abusive). Don’t waste your $ on LVM. With basic internet research skills and a strong intuition, you’ll be equipped fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 07:53 PM
23

Lol leave it to the biggest toads to come up with the most ridiculous critiques.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 03:16 PM
64

I’m mid 30s and was interested in hearing from someone in the 30+ crowd. I used to date much older men pre FDS (first bf in my 20s was 40 smh). But now I won’t date men more than 5 years older than me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 03:13 PM
154

I also am very highly educated with a higher income and a good number of accomplishments. I do not downplay any of those things, but I don’t talk about them and bring them up out of the blue. Fortunately for me, I have never been with a man that expected me to pay or wanted me to free load off of me. I feel like sharing my accomplishments did help ward off men who felt like they weren’t up to par, and I do respect that on their part. I will say that there are a lot of men in my area that are ver…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 02:40 PM
31

But they discount our “masculine” hobbies too. I’m a gym rat and men who are weaker and less fit than me will lecture me about fitness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 01:57 AM
5

Omg the hotel breakfast part! I could understand grabbing an extra piece of fruit, granola bar and/or pastry.. but bags food?! Does he not have food at home?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 01:45 AM
192

It’s always an alert/flag if a man calls another woman beautiful in my presence, particularly early on in dating. I wouldn’t compliment on a man’s physical attractiveness in the early dating stages. I wouldn’t cut them off over this, but it would leave a bad taste.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 11:53 PM
36

Damn. It’s so unfair to hear about a human like this and know it’s rare to have one enter your life. I aspire to have that kind of calm and presence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 02:15 PM
17

I’ve dated 2 extremes, men who took me out 4-5 times and never even went in for a kiss bc I’m “hard to read” vs men who make a physical nearly move immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 02:10 AM
43

❤️❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 01:14 AM
23

I suffer from that. Sometimes if good things happen or I get good results, I am terrified because I think it means I will end up worse off than when I started. If people compliment me, I get scared sometimes…like too much praise is going to hurt me. Part of it is dealing a family member’s health condition but also because I always had no boundaries and allowed people in that ultimately let me very down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 11:57 PM
86

I have never been cheated on (that I know of) but I lived in denial in all past relationships/situationships. I would identify 🚩but would rarely repeat the worst ones to friends. I would retell a date or encounters in much more of a romantic light than they truly deserved. I look back at the reality now and I shudder because I can see I was slumming it. No man has ever been worthy or put forth true effort despite the obstaclesp I thought I was putting them through back them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 10:29 PM
84

I went on one coffee date pre FDS with an artist/poet lmao. His dad was a famous scholar too. How cliche. He at least chose a nice coffee shop but he finished his espresso in mere minutes then asked for a sample of my latte (we poured it into his little cup). I mean I looked cute and took an uber from my 2k/month apartment for not even a full latte. I cringe!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 09:55 PM
0

What about your stance on prerelationship sex?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 09:51 PM
15

Post-FDS? Absolutely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 06:27 PM
20

Yes exactly. Sexual desire + hate. I only notice it’s from men that look older than me, or guys that have not been introduced to me yet but constantly see me around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 02:57 PM
7

My friend began dating a guy before his divorce was finalized. The wife had an affair with the guys friend. He was still living with the ex but different floors when my friend met him, but when my friend expressed interest him, he inmediately moved out and they began dating. A year later she moved in with him. They are now married with kids and present their perfect family life. But they always seemed insecure and desperate for a partner/attention to me. On their wedding she even made a post tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 02:01 PM
11

I dated a man that told me he was divorced- finalized, to be exact. Turns out he was simply separated. I found out using the internet before we got even remotely serious. Always do your research!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 01:56 PM
9

I can’t help but think that if a man’s wife did not take him back or left him (or even if he left her), there’s more than likely something toxic about the guy. I am not opposed to dating divorced men (I’m well into my 30s) but I rarely do because the red flags always seem brighter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 01:53 PM
21

I would prefer this tbh. What I’m taking about is like sexual desire but also hatred.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 01:21 PM
32

I love that oath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 04:00 AM
92

Lmao if someone whispered that in my ear, I would laugh..then take back my vows
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 03:20 AM
181

Thanks for sharing. I’ll check this out. Lately, I’ve been able to feel hatred from many men. Particularly at my fitness related hobby. There are a few guys that I catch checking me out at times but really seem to hate me. Like they go out of their way to not talk to me and act like I don’t exist but check me out at the same damn time. And with some male acquaintances too, even guys that claimed they had “feelings” for me in the past..I can now see it’s like they hate me and want to control me, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 02:46 AM
98

I agree. I blocked/deleted a tech bro before we even went on our first date. He recently sold an app so he was full of himself. He was going on about his business and how bummed he was that a deal fell through..I do not care, I haven’t even seen your dorky face yet you’re treating me like your therapist already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 02:34 AM
50

Now is it okay if I date a decade younger? Jk…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 01:18 AM
138

Wow thanks for sharing. A rare glimmer of hope..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 06:36 PM
74

Yes. The irony is I am black, but then the other guy has to liken me to white because of how I speak. You really can’t win with these clowns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 06:03 PM
23

Yeah I thought the comparison to Taylor Swift is odd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 04:07 PM
137

The last time I had 2 maintenance workers come to do some floor cleaning. They were both Black American men. One of them decided to play a game of guessing my ethnic background and remarked on my ‘features.’ The other said that I sound/speak like a white woman (I am not American but black). And he called me ‘too serious’. I should have said stfu and clean my floors, but you know, safety..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 03:19 PM
63

She looks to be in her mid/late 30s and he looks mid 50s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:14 PM
130

Unsurprisingly, I just read an article that one of the men that these women were last spotted with works in the porn industry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 02:26 AM
8

I’m a lawyer and her life sounds 10x more stressful and exhausting than mine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:53 AM
107

I was legit a victim of crimes, from misdemeanors to felonies, as a result of ‘’male attention.” Not quite seeing the benefit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 11:31 PM
534

When I read stories like this where a beautiful young lady is violated and harmed at the hands of men, I really question why we are supposed to want men to desire us. They are dangerous. And women envy one another over male attention. It’s supposed to be an ego boost to attract a lot of them. In reality, you’re probably much safer being invisible to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:37 PM
1

I’m not American but I am black. I don’t even date African American (AA) men bc they 1) fetishize women from my ethnic background while ignoring my AA sisters and 2) the stats on marriage and cheating and such. BUT I still date black men, just not men of AA culture. I have met some more ‘marriage minded’ men that are black forigners. I would not rule them out because those same cultural things don’t apply to them simply bc they have black skin. I will say a lot of those foreign black men may dat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:29 PM
3

I concur. I unintentionally did this a lot and fortunately it always worked in my favor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:04 PM
11

No, I haven’t found his “equal” but truth be told, I no longer value the things I found so impressive. I find a patient, honest man who lives a life of virtue and integrity much more valuable to me than a guy that made millions and was living a dishonest existence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 07:50 PM
360

I 100% agree. Anytime I dated a man that I was more successful than, he would argue and bicker with me alllll the time. It’s like he was competing with me on who was smarter or more knowledgeable. Interestingly, I never had that dynamic with men that were more successful than me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:09 PM
3

🙏🏽
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 04:49 PM
13

Right! He also was so impressive (wealthy, fit, handy etc.) that I often felt like I will never meet someone this successful and ‘manly’. After our first break up, I went on some dates with duds and ended up taking my ex back bc I had that scarcity mindset. But now that I see his ‘true colors’, I want nothing to do with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 04:20 PM
29

My ex treated me well, and he was successful and taught me a lot about finances..I have made a lot of money as a result. But he became controlling and manipulative and it wore me down. It was hard reconciling someone who seemingly wanted to improve my life then seem to not care about harming me emotionally. I know he is stunned to have been blocked/deleted but having helpful or sweet moments does not excuse abuse. What’s funny is FDS intervened when I was on a dating sub asking for advice about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:27 PM
30

Once you become well versed in FDS nearly 0 men from apps will pass the most basic test, you don’t even need a strategy, it’s just so…clear. The guy invited himself over, nope. I would block/delete based off of that lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 01:46 AM
28

Lol so did I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 01:12 AM
4

I hear you. Both things be true: what Dani Leigh said is colorist, dangerous and irresponsible AND what DaBaby did to Dani Leigh is troubling and horrendous?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:29 AM
42

Right. Idk if she is an Adele fan bc he said he did not initially know what the set up would be. He simply replied to an ad…a marketing ploy is what got him to finally decide to marry his gf of 7 years?! He didn’t even plan a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:16 AM
40

Lol so true! My man better make sure I’m on point, down to my manicure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:15 AM
6

Lmao.. your last line
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:45 PM
65

I know. An ex brought me Starbucks one morning on his way to work (got my standard order wrong lol) and I was sooo touched..smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:23 PM
-8

I understand that. But light skinned black women or other black “exotics” are black. I am from a black heritage that is put on a pedestal by black American men. There’s a lot of colorism and featurism for sure. I still find this post inaccurate and problematic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 12:50 AM
34

I agree. Many men blew it with women they actually liked and then when it’s time to marry (i.e. sex options are dwindling), it will be to whoever is close by and willing. Then they’ll fantasize about ‘the one that got away’ and may even try to contact her…but she hopefully blocked/deleted lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 11:55 PM
45

She is certainly ignorant but I don’t think she deserves this abuse based on her colorist lyrics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:23 PM
42

I heard it and she did get angry when he called her a sidepiece.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:22 PM
47

I also have a weekly hobby. I think couples have resulted but that’s usually from outside activities, like let’s say a planned happy hour with members of said activity. I would definitely not offer my number or suggest that I am interested in a particular guy. At the most what I would do is offer a bid, such as maybe ask them something like “hey do you know where such and such is.” I feel like if they are interested in you, you have given them an opportunity to speak to you and they should take …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:15 PM
11

Eh not true imo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 07:49 PM
12

I wonder if this is why there’s an uptick of committed relationships and proposals/marriage during covid, at least with people I know. Perhaps men realized dating is too hard these days…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 07:48 PM
-4

Why did you delete your comment about black women not being black men’s dream girl? Your racism is showing girl..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 04:51 PM
3

Why is it hard to believe black men desire black women?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 04:01 PM
36

Wow sounds like satire! Wtf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 05:46 AM
-10

I feel the same. This is a very stereotypical post that is highlighting a misconception about most black men. It is also overly general, not specifying what they even men by “black men.” Black men include African, Caribbean, Americans, etc. I hate this whole post. I think colorism and featurism is a more relevant issue in most black communities, but idealizing white women? I personally don’t think so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 05:25 AM
32

I’m not disagreeing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:55 AM
15

That’s actually incorrect. An overwhelming majority of black middle + upper class marry another black person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:43 AM
44

Exactly my point. I’m so over the narrative. Sure black men (only ADOS specifically) marry outside of their race at a higher frequency than other races but the majority still marry black women. I know more black men that are not romantically interested in white women than I know that are. Surely the BM OP encounters prefer WM, but that does not mean that is most of them…statistics prove otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:54 AM
79

That’s an over generalization and a specific narrative unfairly applied to most black men when that is simply not the case. Go to any city with a large population of black professionals and you will see mostly black couples. There is colorism and such within the black community. I have a problem with black love being labeled ‘struggle love.’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:12 AM
34

Thanks lady! Sounds like I’m good to go lol. As a mid 30s gal, I’d prefer a young donor over my peers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:58 PM
115

Agreed. But let’s not play up the narrative that black men prefer white women. MOST black men are married to black women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:19 PM
39

My concern is that the sperm bank genes may be good aesthetically but hard to say about everything else!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 10:42 PM
149

I get what you mean. It’s like I don’t need/want marriage, but I don’t want a man that feels the same. I want a man that wants to commit and marry me in a timely manner. What a conundrum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:40 PM
46

What about if you have children?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:37 PM
109

I agree. That’s how I like to operate BUT most Americans do not. So I started splitting with most friends bc they would not reciprocate or when they would invite me out, they would still split the check. I honestly don’t enjoy such friendships as much. I have a friend that I have known for 25+ years and she will still order $3 coffee separately! I would order for both of us and she never returned the favor even if she invited me, so I stopped. Some friends do have the same approach I prefer and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:34 PM
5

Right! And culturally, I do A LOT for my parents. English is not their first language and even though I moved out, I still handle a lot of their matters. My friend is from a better off American family and would even brag about how independent her family is and that they don’t need her help. She would also criticize the size of my parents modest home. This commenter seems to have an agenda without understanding. I am grateful I was able to save but it came with a lot of sacrifice…if it’s just suc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:17 PM
3

I meant it was ironic that she lives at home now in her 40s and finds no problem with it but previously bashed people who did that (in their 20s). She would say “I could neeever live at home as an adult blah blah.” Maybe ironic was the wrong word but hypocritical. And I am not judging her situation whatsoever, I never even bring it ip. I was just letting the OP know my experience and to take people’s judgment with a grain of salt bc they’re full of it. BTW it’s not even about advantages as to wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:44 PM
12

She sucks. It took me a long time to stop ruminating over what she did and that wasn’t good for me. I found meditating, journaling, and gaining self confidence (I think I had to have low esteem to not have put up appropriate boundaries with her) really helped me move on. I realized my scrote experience wasn’t much different than friendships, I lacked boundaries with most people. I tolerated nonsense and stayed in situations where I knew the other person is toxic for me. I really analyzed why I p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 04:06 PM
8

Thanks, I totally agree. Why do you care where I live?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:11 PM
24

Yep, she wants to undermine your accomplishments and diminish your success by insisting you’re still not okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:06 PM
29

Girl I feel you. I feel like when we’re vulnerable with people like this, that are deeply insecure, they use if as fuel to make themselves feel better. That’s not a friendship. Looking back I wish I called out that behavior or just immediately ended the friendship. But she wasn’t like this until well into the friendship after I began to admire her. And the more I grew as a person, the pettier she got. I thought she changed. I didn’t see her or any of our friends during Covid and she recently had…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:18 PM
57

I have/had a friend like this. If I shared I was depressed later she would brag about how lucky she is that she never gets sad. When I got a job interview in my dream city she got upset then later said “I know I’ll move there before you.” If I shared a date or any life experience she would always have a judgmental statement like “I would never do that.” The comparative nature took away from the friendship. I used to really like her but she lost my trust so I distanced myself. She has been trying…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:34 PM
67

That was my response, that this guy expressed interest in me solely on looks and yet I’m not afforded the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:29 PM
408

Thank you! These are facts. My friend and mom recently lectured me on unimportance of looks when I explained why I didn’t like this guy that took an interest in me. I said I didn’t find him attractive at all so I didn’t see a point in still getting to know him. Only a male relative understood and said “of course she can’t be in a relationship with someone she does not find attractive, so what’s the point?” I hate my ex now but he was fine. It was the first time the physical attraction was mutual…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:19 AM
5

Ah yeah, I totally know what you mean. My friend has your features and she gets fetishized by such men you describe and some white men as well. I have the eastern look, and if a black man even asks anything about my hair, I immediately lose interest. It’s not a turn on that you find the standard features of most women from my region attractive. It actually makes me feel incredibly not special to them, more like a mass produced ‘object’.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 11:14 PM
24

I agree but it’s more nuanced. The commenters friend is Sudanese and in Canada there’s a large population of East African women (Ethiopia, Somalia, etc) and African American do idolize their features (long curly hair, ‘finer’ features, etc.) Rappers like drake and lil Wayne mention east African women in their songs. It’s weird bc yes, these are black women they’re adoring but at the same time, they are putting these African women above African American women. I have not witnessed the same behavi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:24 PM
42

Right! It shows how confident she is in her choices, no over explaining or agonizing. 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:42 PM
29

Good for you. Sadly, it’s uncommon in my area for women to dump men (unless we’re talking about marriage/divorce).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:41 PM
22

I can understand and relate to her perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 02:47 PM
7

Same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 04:45 AM
54

“Relationships are WORK”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 02:11 AM
22

Lmao, i feel you. One foot out the door, always!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:51 AM
41

I recall telling my ex about a friends engagement- it took place in a parking lot and the ring was not expensive. My cheap ex thought that was amazing and praised my friend. And I stupidly cosigned it all despite both of us being from cultures that require a hefty dowry in order to even ask for a woman’s hand in marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 10:10 PM
15

Thanks! So good convo alone is enough to potentially find some attractive? I agree about men answering but not initiating questions of their own. I’ve also had guys claim to be nervous on our first meeting/dates and that may have impacted their convo skills. Do you factor that in?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 07:37 PM
17

Very fair!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 07:36 PM
37

Thanks! Yes everyone tells me to “get to know someone” when I express that I am not physically attracted to them enough. I have made attempts solely based on personality, but those men have always been “friend zoned” because I never grew any physical attraction. I sadly even tried to “overlook” the lack of true attraction but then I just later developed the ‘ick’ for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 04:59 PM
5

Sounds fake or fishy, idk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 11:40 PM
7

I kinda agree. I was a virgin by choice during my 20s so I was an anomaly but nearly everyone around me had much more partners than that studies indicate. I do wonder if the numbers would show many people have either 1-2 partners and then like 10+, making the average 5.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 03:51 PM
111

Right. Instead of “innocent until proven guilty” it’s “scrote until prove high value” for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 03:43 PM
201

I already knew at the point when he said his classmates called her a downer that he was lying. Decent humans don’t call a classmates spouse a downer, and if they do, a reasonable spouse should explain the circumstances. Lastly, a decent spouse would then not relay this (false) info to their partner dealing with a cancer scare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:28 PM
46

I would ignore it and block him. He already wasted enough time with his delayed nonsensical text, he does not get any more of it! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 04:14 AM
2

He looks like the devil. AND he just wants attention. Let’s not give it to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:33 AM
32

Don’t give men too much credit. I know many attractive men who are high earners (I can’t say if they’re adtually HV) but they definitely struggle with dating and finding someone that fits their standards too. I think most HV men are particular about who they are in relationships with. I remember thinking the same about my ex, he was 6’1, hot, super successful, and I felt like if we broke up, he would find someone else immediately. Perhaps other women have better scrote detection than me, but he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 10:49 PM
559

Haha it is hard to get motivated to date when I think of how guarded, protective and deliberate I have to be. I’m still mourning the idea of the carefree kinda romance I always desired. But better to be equipped with the tools to face reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 10:07 PM
49

I love this! I definitely approach men with a “at my feet” mentality now. BUT I worry that the wrong man will wait foe the opportunity to jump at my throat. Hopefully I can weed those guys out with adequate vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 08:19 PM
155

I have bouts of mild IBS and I have learned how to manage my diet to somewhat control it. I also make sure my bathroom is always clean. I have never been married but exes, roommates and even friends I have shared hotel rooms with were unaware. I know he can’t control the farting but there are things he can do to be cleaner and such. I know what foods make me gassy and I just don’t eat them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 02:31 PM
91

What blows my kind is that my ex shared such deep, compassionate thoughts on the whole time pressure women in their mid 30s feel when we discussed societal expectations (I would never express feeling the “clock” with a man). Yet, turns out he had no problem wasting my time. He did me wrong and STILL tries to get in touch with me in attempts to waste even more of my time. The fact that he clearly understood the value of time, for anyone, but has no problem wasting my mine is just cruel. He’s the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 12:49 AM
44

Oh we didn’t even kiss, but still!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 04:23 PM
253

My biggest regret was paying for my flight to visit a guy (we were still just friends but he was pursuing me and kept asking me to visit him in his new city). And then I insisted on paying for our movie tickets because he paid for our meals. Oh and he made x2 my salary. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 04:05 PM
46

I’m an attorney and I went to the local jail to visit with a former client. Another inmate asked me out…the delusion!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 12:49 PM
34

Yes, this. That’s how I ended up on reddit, doctorate degree and all..I was in denial that my ex’s troubling behavior was a dealbreaker. I was too ashamed to turn to friends and I never dealt with such BS. So, I made a Reddit account to ask strangers for advice. But I didn’t realize it was mostly scrotes. Thankfully an FDS Queen saw my post and messaged me about this sub!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 12:47 AM
29

Thanks for sharing! I started listening to an episode right away. This is what I needed, I was feeling so alone in my singledom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:35 PM
42

Story of my dating life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 10:00 PM
69

Came here to say this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 08:22 PM
26

Ohh ok thanks for explaining, makes sense! Maybe that’s why that brand of flushable adult wipes are called “Dude Wipes”…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:13 PM
17

Wait, what’s wrong with using (adult) wipes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:40 PM
335

I just saw a prompt on Hinge where a guy stated his ‘recent shower thought’ was “I shouldn’t have just put my towel in the wash.” Why does this 40+ man have one clean towel and think he is worthy to date anyone?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:34 PM
9

He was dishonest about his parents relationship. I have many friends of his ethnic background and I witnessed the dynamics of those marriages firsthand, the women are generally quite controlled. Yet he told me his mom and dad had such a heathy, communicative, respectful relationship. Only when I responded that I didn’t see that, because it wasn’t really the cultural norm where my parents are from to communicate in a healthy way, he then backtracked and said neither did he. Smh. I should have kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:30 PM
5

Yep, agreed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:26 PM
90

If you live in the US, many states offer free searches of criminal/civil court records. Visit your state’s court website and look for the records search option. Some states do charge and/or don’t have it fully available online. But my state doss have it online, and I found out sooo much about men I met/dated…like domestic violence, bankruptcy etc. My friends joked I’m a stalker, but it’s public records and I have a right to know the history of these men that were are lying to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:27 PM
33

Wow same. Dated a guy that claimed to be a former Muslim, he was not fond of the culture of his family. He portrayed himself as liberal, open minded, emotionally mature. Then his anger showed itself, slowly but surely. He would get angry with me over silly things, then later, not so silly things. Turned out he lied about everything and he was a lot more like his father/uncles/brother than he cared to realize. He even started attending mosque a few months into our relationship. The Zayn story mad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 10:27 AM
7

No pisces or cancer either
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:55 AM
129

I have a doctorate degree as well. A few years ago I had a convo with now former male friends about whether my job title/degrees “intimidate” men. These guys were all equally educated and they said that it would just make them think “I can’t easily fool this one.” So, think of it as a shield from likely crappy men. Because I think a man that is equally as accomplished/successful would not have an issue with your degrees, he would likely be impressed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:31 AM
50

I just watched it, also with an FDS lens. Everyone in it was LV imo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:26 AM
173

Yes. I have been harassed and degraded in front of men. In my entire 30+ years, only one man has defended me and he was the shortest guy around! He’s 5’3 and yelled at a 6’ foot man “she said NO.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:16 AM
93

Girl, I can’t imagine. I live in a major US city with a homeless problem BUT when I went to SF/Bay Area, I was blown away. I had to be on such high alert the whole time and could not relax. I wore a permanent “do not mess with me” face and never felt safe when out and about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:13 AM
31

Just last year, during the lockdown, a homeless man exposed himself to me when I was on a run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:09 AM
3

I was tested today! Great episode.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:55 PM
15

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 08:38 PM
2

Thanks, I agree!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 04:10 PM
0

Um no you’re speculating a lot, with all due respect. It was clear to me he was into me. This was at my friends wedding, don’t think she was trying to set me up. He was at a table with our friends (singles) and he asked me a lot of questions- see my other comments. The next day my friend sounded surprised when she told me hw asked a lot about me. At that point, She even asked if we exxhanged numbers since hw said we chatted. He didn’t make the post wedding brunch then called her again the next d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 04:08 PM
1

Oh no I think that would be worse! I would never contact a man first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 03:11 PM
0

He doesn’t travel, he works from home these days. Is a 5 year age gap problematic after 35? And I know they never dated..our mutual friend has been with her partner since she met this guy. I trust her because she has mentioned this friend in the past and would tell me otherwise. But nonetheless I found it odd she would mention that comment to me about why they never dated, if she really did want to help introduce us. My understanding is he never pursued her in that way tho. I really don’t think …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 03:06 PM
5

My pre FDS relationships always lacked the fun. At least after things went physical..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 04:25 AM
3

He is an engineer. We are prob similar in salary, but my friend said he is picky and I gather that means he wants someone attractive + successful too. I told my friend that he is not my typical type physically speaking (he’s decent looking) and she said I should consider compatibility and not just physical attraction since I have complained about lack of character in the men I have dated. Oh and this guy is likely 40-45ish (I’m mid 30s), so we’re both grown. My friend made a joke that he said to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 03:43 AM
22

Wow
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 02:54 AM
61

I kinda just dress for myself. But also appropriate to the venue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 02:37 AM
9

Lol same here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 12:57 AM
148

Yes. I saw an interview with the killers male relative and he spoke truth..he said this was about control and that that killer is pure evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 10:57 PM
310

The other day a TikTok star murdered his estranged wife and her male friend because he installed an app on their daughters iPad, so he was able to listen into convos in real time. He heard his estranged wife and a male voice laughing and drove over to the home, shot and killed them both. There is video footage of him running out of the elevator to get to her apartment door ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 10:47 PM
13

So the way he asked was he showed me a picture of his relative that he thinks I look like and I said “oh I can maybe see it” and he said “Yeah, a little bit. She works as X in Y city, what do you do?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 10:44 PM
23

This is true. I agree. My friend even asked why he didn’t ask for my # directly lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 08:23 PM
53

He did speak to me but he never got me “alone” since it was a formal dinner. I will say there was no non-awkward way to have asked for it but at the same time, he could’ve created the opportunity I guess. He asked my friend a lot of questions about me. One thing I was annoyed by is that I engaged in chatter with him at the dinner bc he was new to the group. And one of the first things he asked is what I do for work…I know he is a career minded person but it rubbed me the wrong way (btw I’m a law…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 08:17 PM
34

It was also a way to take me down a peg imo. He was trying to also say that I’m not special and someone will check out that pervs gf at some point too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 06:49 PM
47

Thanks. And that approach, to me, is a natural way to weed out LV people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 06:48 PM
7

I wore a cozy sweater with jeans to a guys house and he said I should wear things that are sexier and show off my figure. It was winter. I walked out and he was stunned lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 06:27 PM
251

And this changes with the trends. I’m certain 90% of men don’t know why they like a booty, but they know mainstream culture says it’s desirable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 05:50 PM
4

Thanks, corrected!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 05:17 PM
19

Yep. She is bringing nonsense to you, idk if I would bother having a convo. She moved this guy into her home despite her own reservations..why would she value your concerns over her own instincts? She won’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 05:17 PM
56

Lol why is that?! I have met the sweetest plastic surgeons and it left me wondering why they decided to get into that field.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 03:29 PM
340

It’s interesting bc when I saw she was pregnant and moved to a PA farm with Zayn near her mom’s farm, I thought “what a dream life”. Of course nothing is as it appears..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 03:10 PM
428

I have had men in my life as BFs or friends turn a blind eye when I was being harassed. I was at brunch with an ex and a man was ogling at me the entire time like I was a movie screen. This man was with his gf too. I asked my ex if he was aware and he said “yes that man loves you” and when I told him it feels disrespectful, he replied “well some guy will stare at his gf at some point.” Like what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 03:07 PM
97

Drop them both. Be cordial when you see Alexa, but from a distance. Any further involvement with either won’t end well for you. Speaking from experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 03:03 PM
14

My ex would say he “doesn’t want to set a standard that (he) can’t maintain.” This was when I expressed expectations..should’ve dropped him then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:25 AM
0

Preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:23 AM
6

Thanks for commenting on this. I agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:23 AM
229

The dwarf has the most logic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:22 AM
66

My mom got upset because I told her I was not attracted to this guy because he was nice and has a good career. But I have a good career and I work out, etc and this guy doesn’t look fit. She said I’m “too much.” But why do I have to pick between nice/successful vs attractive? This man found me attractive and asked early on about my career. He would not pursue me if I didn’t “check his boxes” yet as a woman, I have to compromise for only one box checked? This is not a charity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:19 AM
13

She really did! ✍️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:14 AM
32

Thanks! I disagreed when I read this. I wish I blocked/deleted every guy that made comments like this while we were still in the courting stage. Trust me, deflecting is just postponing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:11 AM
9

I feel differently I guess. I make 6 figs and usually date men that make similar salary or more than me. But I still want a man willing to commit in a real way. It’s too easy fir men to disappear and do shady ish, money aside. I don’t to change my lifestyle/home for a boyfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 09:09 PM
4

LOL I had the saaame thought. I could not get down with the LV lyrics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:56 PM
34

It’s harder when it’s a “celeb” and I do see his name from time to time whether on the internet or Netflix. It’s not like I can just erase all reminders of his existence. But knowing this guy is LV despite the “fun” in the past makes it easier to ignore the reminders.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:52 PM
8

I’m of the same profession as you. And while I agree about not ‘needing’ the security marriage, there is still a level of commitment that I would appreciate from marriage. Of course I would make sure to have a prenup to protect myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:46 PM
12

Right. If I tell a guy I’m going to a wedding why do they always ask if I need a date?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:37 PM
20

I just saw Olivia Munn and John Mulaney split, she’s pregnant with his baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 04:45 PM
78

My ex had all those traits: 6 feet, handsome, 6 figs, good samaritan…worse guy I ever dated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 02:13 PM
5

Yep!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:30 PM
6

I agree with this. That’s why dating makes me feel like a prop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:30 PM
18

How do we distinguish men wanting the real me vs the benefits? I don’t do labor/cook etc for men and I am a prude, but I sense their interest in me is like this smitten thing bc of my looks/persona (I’m a bit quirky). Is that the same as actually liking me? I can tell the men that just want sex vs find me interesting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:28 PM
16

This happened to a woman I know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 10:06 PM
21

Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 10:04 PM
16

Am I off in thinking the type of man that would be able to provide the “best” answer to such questions are narcissists?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 10:00 PM
17

This sub helped a lot, but also checking my own interpretation and distinguishing from my own insecurities vs. reality. I evaluate what was SAID and DONE (sometimes it is implied, and not very direct). If it’s disrespect, I know not to deal with that person. But I’ll admit, I also learned I am hypersensitive to criticism and have become accustomed to jabs (side effect of LV friends) that I find myself looking for the insult at times, if that makes sense. This past week I was around a new group o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:32 PM
3

Thanks lady! I will see if he is exceptional. It’s crazy that I kinda fear talking to guys that might not be my type since there’s a high likelihood that I will reject them…and that’s always scary. But I follow block/delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:24 PM
59

So I share a mutual friend with this pretty IG influencer and ended up staying in the same vacation home with her for 1 week. It is all a facade. I realized I could create such an enviable life on the outside if I so desired. She cried to me one night and she shared her struggles..but on IG she posts her $10k bags, lavish vacas etc. It appears men spoil her but she carefully selects who/what she will post, and the appearance is far from the truth. She told me I’m a pretty girl and advised me how…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:44 PM
9

Same! Fingers crossed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:17 AM
89

I’m not being egotistical but I am slender and work out 5 days a week so also very tone. Strangers, store clerks etc compliment my physique. I often am told I look like a model, and people ask me to help with their work outs. But the one thing men neg me about the most is my body and weight. It used to irritate me because it made me feel unrecognized in my athleticism, which is something I work hard on. After FDS I don’t even find myself in the presence of such trash men but if I ever do, I feel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:29 AM
31

What about guys that communicate with exes on holidays/bdays just with a well wishes text?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:23 AM
17

My friend was starting to thin out and I suggested a treatment that worked to thicken my own hair. But he never got around to it and now he is balding, which is irreversible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:20 AM
13

So unrelated to the post but this past weekend I met a seemingly cool guy at my friends wedding. My friend is friends with this guy and speaks highly of him (but that means little bc we know..) Anyway, on the immediate impression, he checks out most boxes BUT he has thinning hair and is balding. He is likely 5ish years older than me, maybe more. Of course my friend says he really wants marriage/kids. He didn’t get a moment with me alone but we chatted around others, and he has requested my conta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:37 PM
36

Lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:15 PM
104

Lol and if you do attempt to speak it with others, people think you’re nuts because no one knows this language yet. I wish I knew this language years ago, I look back at all my drama and dilemmas.. SMH!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:14 PM
97

Me too. My mom has called these things out from as young as I can remember (she has been married 30+ years). I chalked it up to her being a cynical person..but now I see it too! Everywhere! Because of FDS. So now when mom and I talk, I finally get the commentary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:12 PM
10

I didn’t say it would be but I wondered if it would. Sorta like religious people following rules of conduct, I wondered if less free thinkers are just more compliant with doing ‘the right thing’ because of societal expectations. I have dated free thinkers and they do what they want, when they want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:27 PM
27

Great post. But as someone who is attracted to critical thinkers/analytical types, such men can be too nuanced or free spirited in how they conduct their lives. I’ve at times even wondered if “blind” social followers would be more harmonious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 02:40 AM
82

Amen, you’re speaking truth about most men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:08 AM
46

Haha!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:06 AM
211

Wow
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 10:01 PM
13

I agree. My former best friend told me she sees why my ex lashed out at me when we eventually broke up. It was flat out abuse and even the scrotey men I know suggested I block/delete my ex because they were horrified by his behavior. Yet my friend suggested I communicate and maintain a friendship with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 08:18 PM
4

Great post. This really resonates with me. (I just learned the whole thing about men that stare bit don’t approach are usually not single). I also have been told in many ways that it’s my fault for being single, that I’m not approachable, too intimidating, too picky etc. It’s how I ended up with my ex because I ignored my instincts and labeled them as “anxieties.” When my ex and I broke up in a rather dramatic and abusing way, fortunately most people I shared the details with encouraged me to bl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 07:13 PM
3

I have a diverse friendship group so I generally prefer men with the same. I do find I get along better with men who so not have a homogenous friendship circle. But when it comes to white men, it’s also me not wanting to be their only/first non-white “friend”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 03:24 AM
9

I think the truth is that they know they can’t get those things without pretending they want a relationship first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 12:48 AM
6

I do the same. Sometimes it’s meaningless tho
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 12:42 AM
9

I’ve dated white men and they don’t expect me to pay any more than men of other races. I’m a black woman, altho not of American heritage. I feel fetishized by WM but honestly by Black American men even more so because of my “unique features” like my long hair and such. The women of my ethnic background have stereotypes like we’re more feminine and traditional too. I do find WM think they’re “cool” for getting a date with me and some have even called me their queen… sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 12:36 AM
16

This is how I always know how if a man finds me attractive. In the first couple seconds that a man meets you and he raises his eyebrows, it means he finds you attractive. It is quick so you have to be observant to catch it. But once you do, you’ll be disturbed when your friends boyfriend does it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 05:47 PM
16

I experienced the same and it was mostly when I shared good news or something positive that occurred for me. It also happened if a third party paid me a compliment in their presence. It’s like an angry look of disgust combined with a forced grin/smirk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 05:44 PM
138

I’ve been with men that I never saw check out another woman in my presence (and I’m observant), so it can be done. I can’t stand men that check me out or flirt when they have a partner. This guy at my hobby keeps checking me out, making eye contact etc… I recently discovered he has a girlfriend. And his gf is part of the hobby thing. I now act like he doesn’t exist and I can feel him staring at me and catch his eyes on me all the time. His gf is not nice to me. I just hate feeling watched by an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:48 AM
6

My ex would call me after he was in a new relationship. He called me the day his new gf was moving into his home. I asked if he was happy with his gf and his response confirmed what you’re saying. He said she’s a great person, they have a great time together… but that she is not me and some aspects about her he was unsatisfied with. I’m glad I found FDS and blocked/deleted him. He seriously found me and reached out on nearly every platform available.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 11:28 PM
6

Yes I think that’s why I never experienced these selfish men I hear about on here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:44 PM
19

That led to my last break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:43 PM
10

Same. In fact mine aren’t obvious but more subtle so my exes thought I didn’t have one bc they believe all women have this loud dramatic experience. I kinda didn’t always feel like telling them either (I naturally get real silent afterward, in a state of bliss) and it would make them frustrated thinking they failed me..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:39 PM
79

I’m thankful I posted a question to strangers on reddit about my ex because an FDS member messaged me and suggested I check out this sub. I ignored and deleted the message because I don’t engage in PMs…but I randomly remembered the name of this sub and looked it up one day. This was over a year ago!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:01 AM
37

Girl same! Mid 30s, in the best shape of my life. But the options are bleaker than ever only because my eyes have been totally opened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 10:51 PM
16

Sometimes I wonder what my mental state would be if I didn’t find FDS. I would certainly be entertaining LVM right now and questioning what is wrong with ME.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 10:44 PM
2

What do you do if it’s in person? Lets say its a one on one meal, or at a group setting like a birthday party?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 02:34 AM
32

She says “Men can be very dangerous to women in a lot of different ways.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 09:33 PM
54

Reminds me when I was walking and had my dad on the phone. A car full of men stopped to ask me for directions- there were plenty of other men around. My dad shouted into the phone “don’t stop, they are lying!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 01:41 PM
28

When I was in my late 20s I dated a 40 yr old (for five years, ew! At least i had enough sense to refuse marriage). He was graying, had no muscles, health issues etc. while I worked out frequently and took care of myself. I do not know why, but back then those differences did not bother me for a very long time. Then one day it hit me and I got the ick. I got BORED and lost attraction to him because he was just…crusty and old, and made no effort with himself. Now I’m in my 30s and I do not find o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 06:14 PM
1

In my 30s, never gave one! It drove my narc ex crazy and he would make bets or deals to get one. I lost my dignity in that relationship, but I am happy I never budged with that one. I would say thats husband privileges lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 04:02 PM
16

-Really pushed cheesy romantic situations. Where he would say bullshit that sounded like it came out of a cheesy romance novel —- You are describing my ex! Esp the cheesy romantic statements that made me cringe, but I overlooked it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 07:21 PM
10

Just got off the phone with my cousin who is getting married. She gave terrible advice! Discussed former male friend that she thinks I should date. He is super LV and toxic and she said “people can change” bc her fiance did. Tried to set me up with a guy, I wasn’t interested because men don’t need scouts. She sent a pic and I still wasn’t interested and she said looks don’t matter bc her fiancé is balding. Said her sister is the breadwinner in her family and still cares for the kids, but that sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 08:31 PM
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