For the past 12 years, I was always constantly in relationships, back to back. My spiral downwards really began two years ago when I broke up with my ex whom I dated for 7 years. To make up for that “lost time” and because I felt that I HAD to have someone to validate me and to make me happy, I started my dating binge and met guy after guy after guy (all LVM). You would think that getting manipulated by a narcissist, getting gaslit, taken advantage of, stalked, pouring my heart and soul into LVM who never even deserved an ounce of my love and EVEN getting an STD, I would wake up and see the truth. But sadly, it took many more attempts until recently. I don’t know what it was about my most recent experience with an LVM, but it doesn’t even matter. This isn’t about him. Something in me cracked and I just had enough. I finally realized that I was in deep denial, and I was really hurting myself by allowing myself to go through this, again and again. Why am I doing this? Tbh, I still don’t know all the answers but I’m getting therapy to get help. But at least I’m aware now. I don’t need anyone to validate me. I don’t need to be with anyone to make me happy - I can make myself happy. I thought that just because I live by myself, have my own job and am independent, that I’m not reliant on others, especially men. But I’ve been emotionally dependent and reliant on men my entire life, and I never really had the chance to fully figure myself out. What do I like? Who am I? And how can I love and respect myself? It’s going to be a tough journey to figure it all out but I’m finally starting see light. I know that it’s really frustrating to be around pickme women who seem like they won’t or can’t change. It’s true, they won’t change unless they want to change themselves. But I really couldn’t have done this alone. My friends, family and FDS all have guided me to realize that I deserve more, I deserve love, and that the greatest thing to do for yourself is to love yourself. So thank you everyone, and to any new FDSers reading this, you too can change. Wake up and ALWAYS put yourself first.