Just thought this was a great article to share. It's really funny. It touches on how the follow through is extremely important when boundary setting and how CoMmUnIcAtInG repeatedly is detrimental.

shelballama · 2021-03-25T11:01:00+00:00

I read something recently on how a woman had to communicate with either a long time husband or bf who kept doing jack for her birthday/ holidays that she was clearly into, and she cOmMuNiCaTeD hEr lOvE LaNgUaGe to him and once again, her birthday went unnoticed. He then threw a fit when she took their child with her to the store to get some little decos to hang for her birthday, and she and her kid had fun hanging them and bonding. Why was he angry? Because he felt like she did it on purpose so that their kid would upstage him.

First of all, why should she give two flying fucks about HIS feelings when he doesn't care about hers? And let's be honest, everyone wants their birthday/ holidays celebrated unless they expressly bring up that they don't.

Second, that kid totally did show him up, and by doing very very little, which is sad.

I think this article and that post really go hand in hand to show that you can beat that horse to death but it won't change a thing, and that at some point you're just playing yourself in terms of expectations when you should be looking at the situation frankly, as it is, and making choices based upon reality and not an idyllic imagined potential future if a partner "could only just change." If they want to change they will.

Weremaid · 2021-03-25T11:22:57+00:00

This concept needs to be more recognized; it’s a central part of the thesis of ‘Why does he do that’ and really opened my eyes.

I used to wonder why my ex was acting that way until I realized that he wasn’t acting any way— he was that way, but he’d managed to hide it for the first year and a half of our relationship. I realized that his excuses about work, family, my friends etc, we all just excuses to start to normalize and introduce me to his true self. If I’d been more clear about my boundaries with myself, and not fallen into the trap of “communication” I would have saved myself so much pain.

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-03-25T09:34:46+00:00

Thanks for posting this. I just deleted a bunch of numbers from my phone of people who have done that and I am. nit talking to anyway. It's a pre-fds backlog I have cleared out.

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