I’ve been doing more casual dating these days and had an interesting observation recently; when a guy does something I don’t like, or when I notice something about him on a date that I don’t like, I have a tendency to forget about it pretty soon after the date is over, especially if it’s something quite minor. If the experience was a good one overall, I usually just recall those general positive emotions. If I keep seeing the guy, then I only remember those little things I disliked the next time we go out. This has gotten worse now that I’m dating multiple people at once and have less time to think about and reflect on specific people . I’ve started keeping what I’m calling an ‘ick list’ in my notes app which is just a short list of things I didn’t like during dates that otherwise went well (no point doing this if I’m not seeing him again anyways, so this is only for good dates).

For example this could just look like: [guys name] [date venue] - didn’t like the shirt he wore - should have tipped more - accidentally dropped a fork (clumsy)

The reason I do this isn’t really because I think this information is important (or else it would be a dealbreaker and I wouldn’t need a list, because there would be no second date) but rather because 1) Dating should be enjoyable, but during an overall positive date experience you still need to keep a critical eye. This encourages me to do that. 2) A small critical observation can seem like a bigger red flag upon further reflection, this encourages me to think more deeply. 3) Tiny annoyances can be okay as a once-off, but build up over time forming a larger pattern of behaviour. If you are forgetful or are busy dating lots of people it’s easier to look at the sum total of a persons behaviour if it’s all down in one place. 4) I can refer back to the list if I catch myself romanticising the experience too much, it keeps me sharp