(TL;DR - the bar is sky-high thanks to my dad haha)

I’m in my 30s but I don’t know if I have a better story yet than my mom and dad’s romance, and his advice to me and my sisters (to follow):

It’s the late 80s - mom is working as a bank teller, dad as a camp shift heavy duty mechanic in the logging industry, in a small town in the PNW. For context, my dad always had a number of women asking him out and had never asked a woman out himself - he’s a decent-looking guy with excellent conversational skills and a good job. However, a few months prior he had gotten out of a damaging relationship where his gf of a year cheated on him while he was at camp and he had to say goodbye to her son whom he had grown to love as his own. He didn’t let that experience sour him.

There are two main restaurants in town - one is a burger joint truckstop and the other is a 5-star gourmet seaside restaurant. Dad can’t cook anything but steak and hot dogs on a BBQ, but works hard and makes good money so he becomes a regular at the 5-star place (as he says, mainly because camp food left a lot to be desired)!

One day he goes to the bank in town and recognizes an acquaintance there, Dianna, whom he chats with for a bit before noticing the woman to her right, my mom. As he describes, she was wearing a baggy sweater and had a cute but depressed look on her face and something about it intrigued him as he wanted to make her smile. So while she’s off serving a client, dad asks Dianna if he can grab Mom’s address from her (Reminder: this is the 80s). He has to head back out to camp, but takes down her address.

At very end of his next shift, dad, still in his camp overalls, covered in lube and grease, and stinking of B.O., runs over to mom’s house to ask her out. She answers the door, and while she recognizes him from the bank she is thinking “wow who is this weirdo/what does he want”. He asks her out, and she declines saying she has a boyfriend (the truth, at the time).

A month or so later, he’s at the bank again and chats mom up. She and her bf had split and he asks her out again. She sighs and says okay (in her head she’s like, well, hell I’m 28 and past my “best-before” as everyone I know is married, so maybe I’ll give this loser a chance). Dad says he’ll pick her up Friday at 6.

Friday, mom is dressed in a jean skirt and top, ready for her date with this yokel dude at the truckstop diner. Dad rolls up...his truck freshly washed and detailed, dressed in a tux, his hair cut/beard trimmed, nails professionally MANICURED (he emphasizes the manicure telling this story lol).

My mom is gobsmacked and immediately regrets her jean skirt decision, but he tells her to come as she is. They rock up to Gourmet by the Sea and as they enter, dad has pre-arranged for a private Violinist for their table, and (as he has gotten to know the staff there), greets Roger the violinist like an old friend. My mom is absolutely stunned and shocked. But they talk for 5 hours, closing out the restaurant. So they head to the beach and continue to chat until the early rays of dawn break. Mom says she knew on that date there was something different about dad, and by 3 months she knew they’d get married. Dad said mom was the first woman he had ever asked out and that he knew he was ready to settle down and have a family after missing the son he had basically adopted as his own with his ex.

Within a year they were married and I was on the way, and they’ll be celebrating their 34th anniversary this year. My dad is a perfect example of a HVM. He (and my mom) continues to work incredibly hard to make their marriage strong. His advice has always steered me right:

  1. Don’t add someone you’re interested in dating or in a relationship with on social media. It kills the mystery/discovery process (and they can use info to manipulate you).

  2. Look at how a man’s parents treat each other, and also how he treats his mom. This will likely reflect into how he treats you, so be extremely cautious.

  3. You don’t need to tell a guy the details of your entire dating history.

  4. Make sure you are self-sufficient as you never want to end up without skills and/or a degree if a man cheats on you and you need to provide for you/your kid(s). Always have career options.

  5. If he doesn’t have a good, strong handshake...ditch him. The moment my dad meets one of my sisters/my boyfriend, there’s always a ceremony that takes place where he does the official handshake and my brother-in-laws were not forewarned so will now always face some friendly criticism from my dad on this haha.