Break ups are hard. There’s no getting around the feelings and heartbreak. However, there are ways to make it easier on yourself, and see it as a great opportunity to find ways to grow as a person, as some women get stuck in terrible relationships for their whole lives.

I thought I’d share some examples of the way I have levelled up and gotten through the breakup, which was three weeks ago.

Levelling up:

  • I’ve spent time just on me. On starting to lose the weight I gained, not punishing myself at the gym but gently reminding myself that I will better working out and deserve to be looked after

  • I’ve started working on my side business again, and advertising properly, asking for testimonials from previous clients to add to my website

  • I’ve gotten my finances in order, paid my bills, and have a solid plan for getting ahead of my mortgage payments again

  • I’ve cultivated new female friendships, and reduced contact with the negative ones

  • I’ve put myself and my ideas forward at work, because I have a goal to get a promotion by mid-year and increase my salary by X percentage

  • I’ve been assertive with certain seniors at work, because my confidence from within has grown (I’ve proven to myself that I can do hard things, by leaving and staying away from my LVM no matter how much I loved him), and this has seeped out into my life and work. This assertiveness has gained respect and people ask me for my opinion now and praise me for the advice I gave them

  • I’ve started planning my overseas holiday for next year

  • I’ve started looking into expat opportunities for the next couple of years at work

  • I’ve learned to self soothe better, and sit with my emotions and thoughts at desperate times. Managed to get through difficult feelings even with my mental health issues, because my friends ditched me at a vulnerable time, and you know what? I survived and emerged stronger

  • I’ve cleaned my apartment, and my car up (both got very messy over the relationship because I was so focussed on him)

Dealing with the breakup:

I personally think, as hard as it is when you’re missing them, you need to try and remember the positive things that you can now do, and the negative things that you now don’t have to deal with anymore:

  • First, you have to go no contact. Don’t check up on him. Don’t speak to him. You have to make that decision to cut him off. Ask yourself: even IF he changed. Could you ever go back and actually trust him?

  • You no longer have to think about what he’s really doing, what he really thinks of you, what he really means when he says certain things

  • You dont have to wonder if those female friends are really just friends

  • You no longer have to be driven crazy by the lies, that literally consume your thoughts and your day and make your head foggy

  • Even though your heart is breaking and you want to run back to him, remember how he embarrassed and disrespected you with his lies, his cheating, lack of commitment AND that you’ve finally got the power back by cutting him off and out of your life

  • Write a list of all the bad things he did and said! Everything that made you sad, confused, desperate and depressed. and how he didn’t care when you were desperate for answers and closer and affection and love

  • Any time thoughts of the affection and compliments he gave you and good times pop up, remind yourself of the bad. Remind yourself that the good was manipulation and came with a price

  • Read up on abusive relationships and narcissists, and relate back to the things he did that hurt you. You’ll see what his intentions were. Don’t sympathise with him. You can’t change him.

  • Organise to call friends, have a nap, read, watch a movie, go for a walk, anything, if you get the urge to check up on him or reach out.

If you think of any other ways please add them! Also any ways you’ve leveled up after a break up.