My Experiences with Religious Men

SpectralCadence · 2020-07-16T06:53:38+00:00

Yesssss! I am religious, but I see religious men as a big walking red flag. 9/10 interactions with these "Christian" men have been awful. There's always something terribly wrong with them, either they're into some submissive kink, or seem abusive, or are manipulative, or are the types who slept around and had their fun at the expense of other women and now want to be the "good guy" and settle down, or have strange views of women and women's "roles", or are simply lip-service Christians, or some combination of all the above.

SuperbHalf · 2020-07-16T08:05:31+00:00

Sounds like they are grooming girls to be there for men as soon as they turn of legal age. Very gross and I am glad you got away. Christian men give some creepy vibes. Where there may be some merit to religion, the fact of the matter is, most use it as a control to women.

Aim for the stars! You sound very bright and have everything you need to make your life what you dream of with your own power and mind. I hope for the best :)

2020-07-16T14:15:14+00:00

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LondonDaPink · 2020-07-16T04:55:56+00:00

Sounds like this crazy church my mom forced me to go to back when I was in junior high up to high school. They preached similar things. I'm glad you got away from them and know that they were abusive and problematic. Congrats on doing so well in school and always remember your worth. Keep being amazing!

timetofliptables · 2020-07-16T14:45:50+00:00

I struggle with this. I want to find someone that shares my faith but the horror stories I hear about religious men are often worse than those who aren’t religious.

I’ve really only ever been seriously involved with one Christian guy and wow... gaslighting is bad, but “Gaslighting with Jesus” as I call, it is worse. It’s some next level insidiousness that fucked me up for a long while after. It’s hard to even explain.

timeknife · 2020-07-16T17:22:17+00:00

There was something I read, I will update once I have the source, that said that sociopaths and psychopaths tend to be religious men as it gives them cover for their bad behaviour.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-07-16T16:47:19+00:00

IMO my experience religious men tend to be a yellow/red flag for the reasons you described but men who differentiate "religion" and "spirituality" AND primarily self-identify as "spiritual" (ex: growing up strictly religious, not strictly following the church as an adult but has an appreciation for the interconnections their faith brings) tend to be a green/yellow flag.

dalenoriah · 2020-07-17T05:11:20+00:00

Girl, I feel you! I went to a private Christian middle- and high-school. Soooooo many toxic religious men.

Story 1: The vice-principal (50M) would single me (16F at the time) out for "dress-code" violations because he would basically lust after me in high school, I could see it in his eyes. I would constantly be sent to his office so he could talk to me about how my body was affecting the boys and men in the school.

One such instance I was wearing a skirt that he claimed was too short. We had to wear skirts or dresses on chapel days as women, no dress pants, which is so fucked on whole other level. The rule was "halfway between the ends of your fingertips and the top of your knees". The skirt itself was below my knees! But because it was a tulip-type skirt it made me appear curvy (not against the dress-code). He proceeded to gaslight me about the length, saying "you knew what you were doing when you chose that attire," "it is very clearly too short," and "you're a model student as far as your grades go, why would you feel the need to do something like this?" to the point of tears.

I swear I could sense his boner from behind his desk from talking about my body and how it affected males (i.e. him); it was disgusting and humiliating!!! To this day I don't know if he was just so sexually repressed that he became aroused among young girls and truly believed it was their responsibility to manage a man's self-control, or if he actually got some sick enjoyment out of degrading girls in order to intentionally get off on their humiliation. I asked a couple male friends what they thought of my skirt afterwards and they said they didn't really notice and went back to skating.

Story 2: One of my friends (16F at the time) from this same high school went to a different church in the same town. They had a specific youth pastor, probably late-30's or early-40's, that was slimy as hell! She invited me to go to a couple youth group events with her, and his demeanor always gave me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I only went to a couple and stopped going because I was so uncomfortable. The few times I did, I always saw him hanging around her, making jokes about dating boys, and what she was up to in her romantic life.

She was a total pickme, and I think she initially liked this attention from him because she grew up without a father (he passed when she was young). But of course that is NO excuse for what he ended up doing to her. He started bringing her around his home and his wife to "mentor" her and eventually rape her. When my friend and her mother went to the church officials to report it, they blamed her and banned their whole family from the church. They said that "mentorship" was an important part of her walk with Christ and that she - a 16 year old girl - must have been doing something from the devil in order to make him - a 40 something man - sin against God.

All of the congregation basically turned their back on an entire family because one daughter was the victim of a child-molester. And the mother never went to the police because the church threatened her with their own lawyers and she didn't have very much money to fight them on it.

I could write a book on the ways religious men have subjugated, sexualized, and enslaved women.

1reason_thats_me · 2020-07-17T18:54:02+00:00

It’s so weird how religious men are the WORST.

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