I want to tell you how I leveled up and how I stopped giving a shit. I don't want to brag, I want to inspire you. I have a long way to go to be a person I want to be and I still don't have my sh*t together all the time. No one has. 

When I was 19, I met my first long-term boyfriend. I didn't know he was, in fact, LVM. I started university in science field and we moved in together to an apartment with one room. I lived three years with him. He constantly played computer games and he didn't even go to college lectures. He was always late to his part-time job and he didn't understand why I want to make money and live in a house one day and make a good life for myself. He didn't dress nicely. He wasn't stupid, but lazy. He didn't exercise. He was always unpleasant and mean, but yes, he loved me. He emotionally didn't support me and I felt alone. These three years I felt defeated. It all ended when he pinned me to a bed with hands because I slapped him when he was being mean and manipulative. I mean, I would take it back now. But I slapped him and walked away. And he pinned me to bed and I was actually scared for my life. I had bruises next day, but we were already broken up because I was scared of his rage. And I still feel bad for slapping him although I'm 157 cm and small.

Then I felt into depression, also because of the school so I went on antidepressants. Mental health was something I was fighting for a long time and he did not help me a bit. I had to take a year more to finish my degree and I entered a new, masters course. During this time I also started to exercise. I started dating a girl who seemed nice at that time, but I realized that she is as lazy as my ex and that she has rage issues. We broke up after year and a half. 

It was a time I was off my antidepressants. I got into diet and I got a great body. My grandpa who lived with me though got sick with cancer and the whole summer was very hot and sad. He died at the end of it. I was strong for the family so I didn't even realized it. The school was mentally challenging. And I wasn't looking for anyone because of the extreme pressure. Exercise was one of the things that kept me happy. I felt accomplished and positive. I slowly turned into a different person. I realized that as I changed my body, I can also change my mind. I listened to many psychological podcasts and I've read many books about self-help. I learned to talk to myself differently and change my thought patterns (if you want to I can refer you to some podcasts.) As I learned to manage my time and my thinking, I was becoming stronger both physically and mentally. There were failures, but I welcomed them, because without failures there is no win. 

Then one day I realized that I can't date people who aren't there for me and who are victims and lazy. So I decided I was ONLY gonna settle down only for an educated man who will emotionally support me. I went out with lawyers and doctors/phds only. Ibelieve I'm not ugly, I'm smart, educated, I have many friends and many hobbies. Why shouldn't I want the same from a man I will date? I have a lot to offer. I also realized that I will only settle for real love. I want the whole package. And if I won't get it, then I will die alone and I will be 100 % happy with that, because it would be better than marrying my ex or anyone else. I dated these guys. Some are fuckboys, some aren't worthy of my time. But I believe that I will meet someone who will check all the boxes, because I do. I managed to get my degree without emotional support from a man, I can do anything I want to without him.

Month ago I finally finished my masters degree in experimental cell biology and I'm still over the moon over it. I also found out that my first ex got married. And I feel... Lucky. That it's not me. I found out that the guy didn't even finished his degree, so he's a college drop out. I feel sorry for his now wife, but what can I do? I'm just so happy that I didn't marry him, that instead I got my degree and my needs straight and he is nothing like the man I'm looking for. I can't wait to start my career and go on dates. Now I'm casually dating a guy from another country and I can't wait what the future holds for me. I just know that I'm very lucky today. With myself, with my choices. I told a lawyer guy last week that I can bake and he demanded me to bake something for him and I don't even want to see him again, I'm not his cook. And if someone won't meet my needs, he isn't worthy of my time. I know I'm dangerous for men because I know I don't need them.

If I can do it, so can you. Be the bad bitch you are and be free. Go after your goals first and believe that you're the shit.