Hail Queens!

Yesterday evening I had an upsetting run-in with a neighbor. I wanted to share here and welcome the solidarity that is the hallmark of our subreddit!

I got home late last night after visiting with a friend whose mother had passed away that same day. It had been a tough day but my friend was so happy to be surrounded by her girlfriends who all came out to sit with her and mourn.

When I got home at 11pm, on a quiet city street in Atlanta, I moved quickly to enter my building. You know the drill: keys between fingers, eyes scanning to ensure no one is running up on you, etc...all of a sudden, as I unlock the entrance door, I hear a man shouting, "hey, keep the door open! Hold the door for me! Hey!! HEY!!!" Instincts on high alert, I entered without letting him in behind me and started up the four flights of walk-up stairs. A gut feeling (thanks, de Becker's The Gift of Fear) told me to run up the stairs rather than walk. I'm so glad I listened.

By the time I was on the second floor, I heard the same man entering the building (so he had keys all along?! why did he need me to hold the door open for him at 11pm AT NIGHT IN ATLANTA?!??), he was yelling and swearing, calling out "hey fat bitch, I'm gonna remember you, you fat bitch you better run" as he was walking up the stairs behind me. I was far enough ahead that I was able to enter my apartment without him seeing in which one I live. I stood quietly by my door listening to be sure that he couldn't target me. He only stopped yelling once he got up to the top floor (where we both live, though he doesn't know that) and that's probably because the building caretaker lives on this floor and does not brook disturbances.

The caretaker told me a bit about him this last weekend when I took her grocery shopping: he has an ex/co-parent who drops their two kids (under 4) off here daily. They are left to run about and watch loud tv in a tiny studio apartment. Apparently, though he looks and dresses like a young man in his 20s, he's 43. Oh and his ex is a young woman in her early 20s.

My lease is up this August and while I love my apartment, I'll feel safer not living next to a volatile, testerical neighbor. I'm in disbelief that I had to "run" from a man just bc I wouldn't hold open a door for him. Listening to my sisters here on this site has only reinforced my self-protective instincts and I'm so glad that I no longer center my life around men. Not even my neighbors. And that is a HUGE level-up for this country girl taught to be Minnesota Nice my whole life.

Praise and thanks, Queens!

Edit to add: the following morning he was sitting outside in his car when I exited the building. He accosted me and harassed me, accusing me of being un-neighborly for not holding the door for him (little does he know that I am quite well-known and regarded in the neighborhood specifically FOR BEING neighborly). After repeatedly telling him, "I don't know you. I don't open the door for people I don't know" I ended the discussion by stating that I had an appointment to get to. When I got back from my appointment, I informed the caretaker on-site and the landlady. Both are happy for my report as they have had other complaints and are looking to eject him from the building. I have been reading "When I say no, I feel guilty" by Manuel J. Smith, and his coaching on assertive strategies is EXTREMELY helpful so that you're prepared when you unexpectedly find yourself in these kinds of situations.