Outing an abuser?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2020-11-11T00:42:31+00:00

Check online for your state or country/region how to report potential child abuse. Most of the time you can make these reports anonymously. Let them know you have reason to believe he may be emotionally or physically abusing his children. You can cite his treatment of his previous partner (you) as evidence.

At that point it’s up to them to follow through, and to try to glean what they can from the situation. Your concerns are valid but right now it’s hearsay without any evidence. At least you’ll know you did everything you could to make the authorities aware of your concerns and have it on record.

Saitschik · 2020-11-11T00:38:31+00:00

It can get rough and be prepared that his wife jumps to his defense. Those kind of women know who they are married to and choose to stay.

I think men get away with abuse way too easy and they should be outed much more.

But if you are already feeling unwell it might not be a good idea. Another question is how will you out him? In public? Taking legal action?

Stuffenfluff · 2020-11-11T01:44:52+00:00

Honestly girl, i would say definitely submit an anonymous report on him, but that’s the only thing you can really do about it. Interacting with them in any way would be very unsafe for you and unwise from a FDS perspective. Once you submit the report, you can breathe a sigh of relief - nothing else about the situation is in your control. So shift your focus to things that ARE within your control, like leveling up and following your dreams :-) best of luck sis.

4E4ME · 2020-11-11T02:59:33+00:00

This is a very tough question to answer because it's not clear exactly who you want to report him to, what you want to report, or what you want the outcome to be.

(For the purposes of this post I am going to assume you are in the US).

If he has an ex-wife surely she is aware of his tendencies. What is the custody situation? If it is 50/50 or she has a majority of custody, surely she has made a case to family court already about his tendencies.

There is no legal remedy (in the US) to report a parent for misogyny or misandry. Basically you aren't going to get any traction with CPS if you are not reporting serious neglect, or physical or sexual abuse. So you need to be prepared for the outcome not going as far as you would like it to go.

Do you want the kids removed from his custody? Do you just think that he has hidden his abusive tendencies well enough that the mask hasn't slipped yet and no one knows he's like this? Do you just think that his access to these children should be limited? In that case you would need to provide proof of things he has done to them, not to you.

You can always call CPS and discuss the case with them. They are the professionals here and they are better prepared to make a judgement about what can be done for the kids. Maybe in your jurisdiction CPS isn't so overwhelmed, but in my jurisdiction they are and kids are not removed for less than the most egregious situations, and sometimes not even then.

If you have any access to these children, the best thing you can do is teach them to speak honestly (ie, don't hide or remain quiet about the things that either parent says or does), and make sure that they know that they have at least one trusted adult that they can talk to.

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kapuchen · 2020-11-11T02:42:16+00:00

There was a man a good friend of mine used to date. He was awful: stole money, cheated, installed key loggers on her computer (to steal her banking information). He had the same M.O with every woman. He hid it very well. When they finally split she sort of became a sage for his next victims. The first woman he dated after her, she reached out to. Now, once he has pulled his scam they usually end up on her doorstep. It really wore on her after a time. I think it is important to arm people with the information with no expectation that they act. If I were you I would make a formal report if you can (for the children), and then maybe prepare a packet if you ever hear of new love-interests that you can forward it along to anonymously. Don’t continue contact once they are armed with information because sadly a lot of people need to see first hand. Maybe they will leave sooner though if they were forewarned and know what to look out for.

2020-11-11T02:53:24+00:00

I would prioritize your life and safety.

Men have killed women for doing far less, and this could destroy his life, giving him absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by coming after you in a blind fit of rage.

Don’t give yourself a reason to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life if you don’t have to. It’s not worth it. At all.

Title	Outing an abuser?
Author	adultpioneer
Upvotes	21
Comments	9
Date	November 11, 2020 12:28 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jrxdzs/outing_an_abuser/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/outing-an-abuser.749205 https://theredarchive.com/post/749205

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