So what is a Pick Me? A Pick Me is someone who excuses, justifies, or even tolerates bad male behavior because they think it makes them desirable. A Pick Me seeks validation from men for her tolerance of low effort bullshit. She doesn't value herself, and gets her security from male attention.

How do I know this? Because I was one, for a long time. I let men make demeaning and degrading jokes about women (hell, I made them myself). I put up with low effort breadcrumbing because any attention was better than none. I engaged in sexual activities I didn't want because I wanted to be seen as having value. In short, I didn't like myself or care about myself, so the validation I received from men kept my self-esteem afloat (or so I thought).

How to spot a Pick Me:

  • Trying to be one of the guys
  • Selling out her gender ("yeah, bitches are crazy")
  • "I'm Not Like Other Girls"
  • Normalizing lazy, low effort, low quality dating tactics by men. Advocating approaching/initiating with men, agreeing to low effort dates, insinuating that you have to provide sex to "keep him interested". Nah, girl.
  • Criticism of non-traditional gender roles, putting down women that don't want children, passing judgement for working moms, etc.
  • Only having male friends (not saying this is true for everyone, but if she can't keep female friends that's not a good sign)
  • Readily takes on the "mommy" role with men (cooking, cleaning, being too appeasing or accommodating, putting up with bad behavior, makes excuses for abuse/gaslighting/cheating)

How to stop being a Pick Me:

  • You have to recognize your own worth. Something is making you trust mens' opinions of you more than your own. Do some soul searching and get to the root of your feelings of inadequacy. Therapy, journaling, support groups, meditation, researching codependency, and building strong female friendships that will act as sounding boards and build you up when you need it.
  • Remember that if you don't value you, a man won't value you. Men don't like to constantly have to reassure their partner; it's insecurity and weakness and even the most patient man will grow tired of it eventually. Don't walk into a relationship half a person, expecting him to complete you. Only you will ever complete you. The best he could ever do is enhance the life you've already created for yourself.
  • Don't change yourself for him. He doesn't care if you're, like, super into baseball. He has friends for that. If that's not true to who you are, don't do it. You can be a supportive and engaged partner without molding your personality to fit his interests and lifestyle, and you can show interest in what he loves without letting it define you. Unless you're actually into baseball, then do you, girl.
  • Take honest stock of the relationships and activities in your life. Are you doing what you love, and spending time with people who truly care about you? Or are you trying to cultivate a persona of someone "likable" because that's what you think you should do? It's not too late to become your most honest self. "Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it." - Aubrey De Graf