(Side note, or I suppose, two things I wanted to speak on. I spoke to my therapist this week and she brought up a good point: my resilience from the abuse I’ve endured in my life may have made me tougher, but it’s also had a downside- I’ve let “lesser” evils slide in other relationships, like porn use (because we’re still having sex), allowing them to keep a solid relationship with their ex(es), all just because at least they weren’t doing other, perhaps more heinous things that other men have done to me in my life. Resilience isn’t about how much shit you can put up with and allow in your life, and that includes relationships. Doing so just makes you the true sucker in these situations.)

Don’t be fooled by the IG posts that blow up by couples who parade their “love” and “great relationships” just because they’ve lasted an “impressive” amount of years together. You’re only seeing what they want to show you. You don’t see behind the scenes of her getting put down by him. You don’t see her putting in 90% of the work to keep the relationship barely afloat. You don’t see the abuse, the emotional and maybe physical scars. You don’t see the sexual coercion. You don’t see the suicidal ideation. You only see the smiles they fake for the camera to front a good relationship that’s not at all healthy.

I was modeled this very thing by my parents, especially my mother. She may have stuck it out for 40 years with my father, but for 38 of those, as she tells me, she was so deeply unhappy. I’m so thankful she was brave enough to finally leave him.

Lesson here: quantity of years together doesn’t mean shit. Quality of relationship is the only parameter worthy of celebrating. If things are truly healthy, solid, reciprocal.