The baggage

understatedalways · 2019-10-21T17:22:21+00:00

A ton of men even below that age range are emotionally messed up. I’m in my 30s and it’s like weeding through a garden of complete nutcases. And they say women are the emotional/crazy ones.

2019-10-21T17:58:02+00:00

[deleted]

ponchoacademy · 2019-10-21T17:42:10+00:00

Probably not, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If someone has made it to 40 and have never experienced anything negative that would impact them in any meaningful way, what sort of life have they been living all this time?

I once dated a guy who was in his 50's, never married or had kids, had been in one serious relationship. At first, it was refreshing and nice to spend time with someone who had no issues whatsoever, but as time went on, I realized we did not relate to each other at all. His life was easy and carefree because he never took any risks whatsoever, he completely avoided any situations that might end badly or required any level of responsibility, and he had no coping skills for what I felt were basic adult tasks.

Right now Im seeing a guy who just went through a divorce, and will admit, I kept it very casual and was prepared to run (and did at one point) because I wanted to avoid any divorce drama. But we've gotten to know each other, and can relate and are sensitive to each others needs as far as fears after a bad relationship, the vulnerability, etc. When I say Im not comfortable with something, he fully understands how it feels to be in that situation and comes not just from a place of, I respect your boundaries, hes acutely aware of not wanting to be the person to make me feel the way he has be treated and felt in the past.

So...I think its not so much finding someone who has no baggage, but finding someone who has relateable baggage, who has experienced life in a way that you can understand each other. Cause I can tell you, being with someone with no life experience and cant relate to adult issues because theyve never dealt with any sucks.

michelle27519 · 2019-10-21T17:20:30+00:00

I really find this to be true as well. I think a lot of times men aren’t good at talking things over or seeking therapy so they don’t deal with their issues

southeastcheese · 2019-10-21T18:06:07+00:00

Maybe seek the ones who are actively working on alleviating some, if not all, of their baggage in therapy.
Edit: format

rftw2013 · 2019-10-21T19:26:24+00:00

You can find men who have done the work on themselves, but they are few and far between. I can't figure out why the men are so fragile emotionally, when most women -- who have likely endured much worse -- are thriving.

Title	The baggage
Author	kalia21
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	October 21, 2019 5:04 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dl3isv/the_baggage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-baggage.689793 https://theredarchive.com/post/689793

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