I've been alone for a long time. Even for some of the stories I see on here, my marriage was a particularly bad one. I am comfortable being alone. At first it was because my social skills sucked and I was overweight. I was fit when I met my ex-husband, but he tanked my self-esteem. I am no longer overweight and my social skills are good. I am now alone by choice for the same reasons as many on this sub.

Sometimes I don't know if I'll ever know what it's like to have my physical, let alone emotional, needs met. I guess I'm just having a bad day today, because this is atypical, but I am just craving human contact, especially physical. Not only do I wonder if I'll ever know what it feels like for someone to care, but I wonder if I'll ever feel intimate touch again. I used to really wonder if life was worth it if you were always alone... I am now certain that it is, but this is not to say that it wouldn't be so much more rewarding if I had someone to talk to or at least satisfy this intense skin hunger.

I tried friends with benefits. Turns out, men aren't any good at that either. Sometimes I wrap my arms around myself to try to remember what it feels like to be hugged, or I'll put a heavy pillow against my back when I sleep just for the extra weight. I know this sounds pathetic. I guess I just want to be acknowledged that, though FDS is the best way because of the dismal state of men, that doesn't mean life isn't still incredibly hard sometimes. For me, this isn't a need that can be fulfilled by hugging friends/family. I also think I just have a very high sex drive. . .

I am going to law school in a new city in the Fall of 2020. I am hoping there will be a new crop of, hopefully, higher quality men. On an intellectual level, I am sure I will be disappointed, but it is keeping me going for now. I'm sorry for the rant, but this sub plays an important role in my life by reminding me that, despite these negative feelings, I shouldn't settle or become desperate.