Tips for intermittent reinforcement?

maserlaser · 2019-12-12T18:00:37+00:00

I’m not available whenever he asks, I will sometimes “neg” him by going a few days without responding to messages — given they aren’t urgent — and I don’t compliment him often or show affection often so that when I do, it feels like a reward

To be honest this sounds like an awful way at growing a healthy relationship as these games are a surefire way to breed resentment. FDS strategies work best as a means of screening out assholes in the early stages of dating to make sure you end up with someone respectful who truly values you and is not trying to use you or toy with you. But if you do find such a person and enter into a committed relationship with them, you don't want to turn things around and disrespect them in return.

How would you feel if you partner tried to played these kinds of games with you to try to treat you like a Pavlovian dog? You would probably feel like like shit and would rightfully kick him to the curb if you respected yourself. It's only a matter of time before your partner will pick up on the fact that you are deliberately trying to manipulate him in the way you describe above in a way that almost resembles how red-piller guys try to manipulate women.

If you worry about being clingy, then try to be aware of this and make sure you give your partner space and make time and space for yourself as well. But if he treats you well, respects you at all times, and doesn't play mind games with you, you should do the same thing in return. Good committed relationships are a two way street and if he is hopefully doing his best to make you feel happy and loved, you should to do same in return if you want a future with him. More to the point, if you think he is a partner you see a real future with, you should want to do the same with him. Otherwise, if you don't feel like he is worthy of long term partnership you should simply drop him before you will push him away with this sort of behavior anyway.

pinkyberries · 2019-12-12T18:40:54+00:00

Use a mirror strategy, how he treats you is how you treat him. Being ruthless is only needed at the first stages so you can weed out the LVM and f*ckboys.

Be respectful to him and respond to his messages, even if they are just a video of a cat. Compliment him and let him know that you appreciate the stuff he does for you (for example if he carried your groceries to your apartment or built you an ikea desk).

butterflymeadowzz · 2019-12-12T17:09:36+00:00

I love the title, you literally have to use ABA with these men.

I’m actually seeking advice on this as well so I’ll wait with you.

I think a lot of it has to do with recognizing when you’re about to praise or compliment him in some way and delaying that until he does another good thing.

What things impress you or make you think “Wow, this makes me feel so good”?

Try to get real acquainted with those types of expressions of adoration.

Imagine those things as things that are done for you all day, every day, and so they’re not THAT special.

Continue to be pleasant, just do your best to not hype up or fully accept what they do for you as a special, rare thing.

Don’t forget to treat yourself to the things that you love as well!

ItsAnonCat · 2019-12-12T17:28:30+00:00

Sounds like for the most part you’re doing things right. But I think adding something to your life you generally like will help you ease the feeling of being clingy or needy. But don’t worry everyone has their moments when you think you might be being those things just take a deep breath and a step back. I hope he is bringing a lot of benefit to your life.

Title	Tips for intermittent reinforcement?
Author	Scaredycat2019
Upvotes	22
Comments	9
Date	December 12, 2019 4:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e9pmnz/tips_for_intermittent_reinforcement/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/tips-for-intermittent-reinforcement.687050 https://theredarchive.com/post/687050

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