I’ll try to keep this brief. I met a guy in the wild and after texting a couple weeks we went out to eat last night. To be fair, I wasn’t sure I was super attracted to him, but that’s why we go on dates right? To find out. So toward the end of the night he decides to give me an unsolicited breakdown of my personality as compared to his ex. He said he was trying to figure me out, but it felt like he was mansplaining me to ME. The crazy part is it was EXACTLY what my ex used to say about me and a big reason why we couldn’t work. I figured my date must’ve been on to something since he picked up on personality traits that are consistent with the view of someone who knows me very well. The breakdown was basically that I have a “massive set of balls” and I am “masculine” because I’m not “submissive”. Could’ve been my ex speaking; he always wanted a more submissive woman. Look, I know I have a strong personality and it’s not for everyone. On the other hand, some women are naturally more submissive and that’s ok too, as long as we are functioning as our genuine selves.

My initial gut response was to think maybe the universe was giving me a sign that my ex was right and I should tone it down a bit. Woman should be demure. But on my drive home I realized that it was not a sign from the universe for me to look in the mirror, but rather a reminder that I should never have to dim my light to make a man feel better about himself or more masculine. I’m strong, I’m smart, I’m kind and I have a lot to offer. Sure, my bold way of speaking and no holds barred opinions might be off-putting to some. I’m only human and there is always room for critical feedback from an outside perspective that might help me grow. However, a fundamental part of my personality such as being bold and strong will never change, and I should not be made to feel like it needs to. Truth is: the man that actually will click with me is the ultimate form of masculine because he won’t feel threatened by my strength. Moral of the story is, we ladies should never have to mute our strengths or tone down our personalities for the sake of a man feeling comfortable. Whether you are bold or shy, talkative or quiet, dominant or submissive, BE YOUR GENUINE SELVES and your HVM will weed himself out of the masses by rising to your standard and accepting your authenticity.