Advice

Merc306 · 2020-01-18T09:48:25+00:00

Find something else to invest your time into bro, like martial arts, building model cars, reading, writing, or heck just lift heavier weights get those endorphins maxed dude

aniani04 · 2020-01-18T10:50:04+00:00

First, you have to start with your thoughts. What you're thinking determines what you feel, therefore, you gotta make sure to restrain your brain from going wild thinking about random shit.

For me, When I broke up with my ex, all my brain could think about is how much dick she must be getting "since she was in a different country", that was caused by my protective genes (We as men protect what is ours, and women are in that list). So what I did was, make sure she's no longer the person perceived her to be, cause the brain plays the games on you, that she is pure, and won't do what she's going to do (She crossed a boundary, that I specifically said is a redline, and she promised she won't... feels same as cheating basically), and I was dwelling for days on the "why did she do it", knowing I'm very aware of the lightswitch effect, So i went experimenting, and i asked her why she did it, the answers were exactly what I thought they would be.

The point is, your brain perceived her as this angelic creature, especially if she has proved it through time, thus you create the fantasy in your mind, that she might be a "NAWALT", and that fantasy is your enemy, once you create that, and reality kicks in, you're shattered!

When you're shattered, you don't know who you are anymore, and that's when it's time to rebuild, whatever constituted who you are before, just got hammered down, so your brain tries to accumulate as much data as possible to rebuild again. In that time, you have 2 choices:
1- Accept reality, and see things as they are. (By reading, a lot, and trying to understand what the fuck is going on)
2- Dwelling in sadness without doing anything about it. (as humans, we tend to do the same shit again and again, if you're not willing to make the change, and the only right time to make a change, is when you're shattered.)

For me personally, I had one last talk with her after 12 days (blocked her everywhere), gave her the bigger picture (I'm a planner, I make plans 10 moves ahead, it's why my brain was going all over the place). In that 12 days, I did a looot of thinking, to understand where my anger is coming from, and realized because I had a lot of opportunities to fuck her over with girls that are waaaaay better looking, but never did. And she, once had the opportunity to fuck me over, she did, with zero consideration. I accepted that long time ago as female nature, so 12 days was just to make the illusion of the person i thought she was, out of my head (Knowing that I told my bestfriends that I was expecting her to do it, but when she promised she won't, I created the fantasy, which was the biggest mistake.)

When I spoke to her, I was disgusted just from the way she spoke. But since it was the last phone call, I tried to tell her everything about herself, and ofc, their reality is subjective, and can never take responsibility for their actions, so you get shit like: "You made me do it" "I wouldn't have done it if you were there for me"... Then I told her at the end, that while I was talking to her, I can't even recognize her, and that she felt like a stranger to me. By that time, my brain made peace. So later, when I get the idea that she is getting gangbanged by 10 different dudes, I no longer felt anything.

But... the anger was still there, the anger of me not fucking better-looking girls when I had the chance. I had to fix that. So I got back in contact with a girl, got out, had a great time, and enjoyed myself. I still see her time to time, way better looking, way better attitude. And then the anger started fading away, I was out of this mess in 6 weeks or so, knowing the relationship lasted 3 years.

The point is: First you need to address the thoughts, why you thinking what you're thinking. And feelings will follow. Just make sure to fix whatever you can, as early as you can. And definitely internalize AWALT, and make no exceptions to your rules. Once you make the exception, you're fucked. Easy as that.

Friendlyfire8102 · 2020-01-18T09:56:49+00:00

Correct me if I am wrong but I am guessing she did something pretty shitty to end your relationship. If that's the case it most likely means you'll have a harder time getting her out of your head and the healing process will take longer. To me the answer may seem simplistic but it works - keep concentrating on yourself, try to limit negative thoughts and let time do its thing.

hopscotchking · 2020-01-18T10:32:33+00:00

Different for everyone, obviously, but pot seems to make me more depressed when I’m already feeling blue. If you’re ever interested in taking a break, r/Leaves is a wonderful and supportive community.

2020-01-18T09:58:25+00:00

Tiiiiiiiime is on your side, yes it is!

Phantom_Spark · 2020-01-18T11:57:52+00:00

If your sadness or depression is about life in general... see a professional. I’m not even joking. We’re not pros. Take your health seriously and do what it takes to make yourself right.

That aside... if this is just sad about not having a girl? You need to come to terms with the situation and move on. Things in life come to an end. I’m sure you can see that any further contact with her is not healthy or beneficial for you. So you need to go beyond anger. You need to be cold and dispassionate. She’s not a positive for you... so no interaction should occur. No need to waste your time being angry. Just focus your energy on what you like.

But in going your own way you have to be honest. What is the major things you wanted from relationships? For some it’s sex. Others it’s that bond. Others it’s having kids and passing down knowledge. Be honest and understand what you want. Then you have to find other ways to express those desires. Other outlets. If you do not do this... you will forever be depressed or just go back to an ex. You can spend more time with family and friends. You can volunteer and work with organizations to help kids. You can become a mentor in your career and help others to grow. Find the core things that you wanted in a relationship and find ways to substitute for them.

Once you come to terms with that and start building things you enjoy in your life... this will no longer bother you. I am not sure this gets discussed here much but that’s a major part of why men don’t go beyond red pill rage. They get angry but have no means of moving beyond that. So they go right back to women and the cycle repeats.

Now for some fun...

Inspiring words from Rick Sanchez

Erwinblackthorn · 2020-01-18T12:35:43+00:00

Never camouflage sadness. Embrace it and dive into the most saddest nonsense possible.

Your emotions are because you expect the world to be good, but instead it's bad. That's thinking like a woman. You have to reverse that. Expect the world to be bad and be happy when it's good.

This doesn't mean to be cynical. Cynical people feel their life controls them. In reality, you control your life. You can make choices, but fear stops you. Again, this is the influence of women.

You have to start enjoying yourself and enjoying the darkness of life. Love it when you watch a video of a dumb women getting covered in puke.

And advice on a personal point, I'd say cut down on the video games and weed. Those two mixed makes you into a lazy potato and your boredom will make you miserable.

Focus on music, for sure. Use your passion and aim to turn it into a profession or at least start trying to invest time and money into something music related.

It's the lack of purpose and watching our dreams dwindle into dust that kills us inside and makes us depressed.

I fought depression by focusing on myself, my health, my spirituality, and my business. You need to do the same.

SirCooked · 2020-01-18T09:59:56+00:00

Hey man, sorry to hear that you’re depressed and down; honestly, if you can, talk to people around you like family or close friends for support and love. Depression is hard my dude, but the bright side is that you’re not alone since everyone is battling depression and recurring sadness.

Time heals wounds, but beyond just giving it time, you should set a goal for yourself whether it’s to get fit or learn a new skill for yourself. For me, it’s been years since my last relationship, but I find myself thinking about her every now and then. It’s okay to appreciate the good times and acknowledge the bad times as lessons learned, but don’t mull over those feelings. Keep a long term goal in mind and you’ll find that you’ll love yourself more each day and less stuck in the past.

Don’t feel sorry for yourself or the relationship you had because sympathy is a crutch that’ll hold you back. You can’t change the past but as long as you learned something, you’ll be better fit to move on. Best of luck on your journey my dude

splashkami · 2020-01-18T10:25:03+00:00

For me my guy,once I got a motorcycle I was stoked! No one can ever take it away from me because I’m always on this damn thing. I switched to a dual sport and I love that sweet sweet single track. Just something about having a bike and just ripping on the streets and the dirt just always fills me with happiness. Now when ever I’m off my bike I always try to make an excuse for myself just to go ride it,and I’ve been riding for 3 years! Maybe you should try one if you have the time and money too. Even a cheap one would make do. Hope you feel better brother.

kubicas · 2020-01-18T14:51:55+00:00

Quit weed bro. Trust me, that shit makes you depressed in a long run. Especially when you started early. You will feel difference after 1-3 weeks in memory, better focus etc.

Make yourself personal projects to do. Learn new skills, martial arts, swimmung, sports, get more education, courses to advance in career, read books, learn instrument, hang out with your buddies, be more social but don't invest so much that you neglect yourself etc

DizzleDe · 2020-01-18T12:50:36+00:00

Lay off the weed for a month. It's probably causing you anxiety.

deathzero021 · 2020-01-18T13:38:41+00:00

Your methods of "dealing with depression" aren't solutions. They're distractions. If you are seriously depressed, seek therapy. If it's just a mild case, ask yourself why you feel that way, the answers are often deep inside us. Solving depression, at least from my perspective, is ridding yourself of unnecessary desires (relationships) and learning to appreciate everything you do have in your life, while also having a great sense of self worth, and self esteem. The people I see who struggle the most with depression while single are people who don't value themselves much. Don't let other people define your worth. Discover the traits about yourself that you love and you may find your depression fading entirely. Than, your hobbies won't just be distractions, but will actually be fun activities that enrich your life.

HWGA_Gallifrey · 2020-01-18T14:50:10+00:00

Get a dog, cultivate talents, grow some herbs, flirt with homely women, learn to cook, make money, diversify your portfolio. You got a lot of shit to do, if you have time to be depressed you have time to be doing something else to better your life.

pavlikmmm · 2020-01-18T15:29:00+00:00

As someone who was and, i guess, still is struggling with depression i can say that your mind wondering to sad/bad/shamefull stuff is an indicator that not everything is alrigth.

A good example is if i forget to take my meds and theyr effect begins to die down the firat flag that i should take em is the unrelenting amount of negative thougths.

All i can say is continue going to the gym, especially do running for me 20 or so minutes of intence running clear my mind and leave me happy and cheerfull for the rest of the day. As for the rest just pick up hobbies/obligations and try not to give your mind too much time to wonder and with time your hobbies/obligations will become something you urn for and not just a distraction.

Also, one more thing: warm baths with good music. Your phisical wellbeing highly impacts your mood and wery few things can compare to the relaxing and soothing feeling of soaking in a warm bath with some nice tunes in the background.

Good luck on your journey in becoming a better you

Free_Of_Will · 2020-01-18T10:09:13+00:00

Challenge yourself,I personally try to improve my lifts or beat my best gaming results or just learn new things about the world around.

ilovejuices4 · 2020-01-18T11:33:44+00:00

Sign up for a 10 day vipassana meditation

AncientMGTOWWISDOM · 2020-01-18T12:28:08+00:00

you can also start making money bro! money and muscle are the key to life.

rf900rt · 2020-01-18T20:44:51+00:00

Quit the pot and find new ways to set personal relevant, achievable goals. Goalsetting is king. Achieving shit on a regular basis and being able to look back on it is the best anti depressant you can use. But you have to be able to look back on it. So for example playing games, where if any progression is so so visible (and only when playing), while also smoking which makes you forget about stuff, is not the ideal choice.

irideaduke390 · 2020-01-19T05:25:51+00:00

I bought a Sportsbike that I ride on canyons when she left me heartbroken. Joined a High end gym. Started running and joggging. I doesn't heal you but it helps a lot.

2020-01-19T07:14:26+00:00

how do u guys deal with depression or just sadness in general.

For every time that's ever happened it's been because what I'm doing in my life isn't what I want to be doing, or where I am isn't where I want to be.

So I sit down and spend a few hours to map out what i want my life to be. My most ideal life. The steps to make it to those life goals, and how I'm going to accomplish those goals by taking small steps that can be done one day at a time.

If you ignore or deny yourself the things in life that you want; deny yourself those things that give you something to look forward to; deny yourself those things that get you excited about the future, then you're going to make yourself really damn unhappy.

Title	Advice
Author	randoms420
Upvotes	53
Comments	25
Date	January 18, 2020 9:39 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/eqegy2/advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/advice.376135 https://theredarchive.com/post/376135

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