How do I be happy?

GoodMan_Gone · 2020-02-18T21:14:15+00:00

OP: it's actually quite simple. You're seeking happiness from outside forms. With form I mean literally everything: you games, your jobs, you relationships, your money, your life a.s.o The thing is: you won't find happiness in any of those. Happiness is what you bring into your form. "errrr, syntax error, ready, Goodman! WTF are you talking about?!" Very good question. It was the biggest revelation in my life, even greater than the red pill....

The "form" has 3 constant and inescapable factors: 1 it is time limited. 2 it's limited 3 it's unique.

1: all forms will come and go: you're games will bore you eventually, you will lose your job (you quit, you get fired, your company goes bankrupt, you'll retire or you will die. Those are the 5 inevitable outcomes of your job).

2 whatever form you're in/ interacting: it will limit you. If you are gaming, you won't be able to make money. If you're working you won't be able to enjoy your game.

3 That's the actual beauty and humiliating aspect of the form: it's unique. Each form you see now is the first and last one you will ever see it. no matter how boring your job is: no day in it is exactly the same is it was yesterday. No game is exactly the same as the last one. If you meet me now I will be different later (more grey hairs and more wrinkles in my face). a.s.o.

So to put it bluntly: you will not find your peace anywhere if you keep attaching to the form. You were actually totally right being a kid: when your parents were fighting you sought a place of peace. And you know exactly where that place is: in your own heart. Stop seeking love from other people. They are forms: ending, limiting and unique. Sure: enjoy good moments: when you break that losing streak with gaming, but your winning streak will end sooner or later. Enjoy good moments with people. Those moments will end. Either by the appointment ending or them (or you) saying something you don't like (they and are limited forms as well) and accept the totally overwhelming fact if you say goodbye to those people it's literally goodbye forever. With the next encounter they are not exactly the same as with this one. Neither are you.

I.o.w. stop feeding your story of being "tired" and accept my proposed facts. Seek happiness and joy from within you instead of outer forms. And yes: I am very open to prove me wrong!! Please: I sometimes miss the days of worrying and having anxiety. Just give me one lasting form and I'll go back to the plantation. I already know our Sun will blow up, and the next, and the next a.s.o. So I will die. And when I die all forms will be taken away from me anyway.

faltHes · 2020-02-18T21:37:43+00:00

To answer your post title directly, you have to look within yourself.

Happiness is a state of mind. It isn't any one thing or activity. Doing certain things can put you in different states of mind, but it will be different for everyone. Some folks have overlap on where they find happiness. Hiking, working on their vehicle, painting, MMA, drinking, meditation, lifting weights. There isn't one good answer for all on where you find happiness. Look up Absurdism. These are century and millennia-old questions we have in trying to find meaning for our lives. I believe Absurdism is the most universal way of approaching it. Acknowledge that life is a journey, through what is inherently meaningless circumstances and an inevitable conclusion: death, and find your own meaning in the face of these facts.

If what you're doing right now isn't working for you, change it. Not saying you should quit your job. But find good ways to unwind that are different than what you're currently doing.

You just can't look outside of yourself for something that has to be changed inside your mind.

Oatmeal_or_Porridge · 2020-02-18T22:21:27+00:00

Go sit in nature.

No video, turn off your phone, no digital anything.

Might take months, but nothing digital. Take a book if you want, but nothing that has to be accomplished. Nothing you have to do. Just sit and walk in nature.

crityouallday · 2020-02-18T21:10:45+00:00

Focus, be amazing at one thing then apply that to something else. That can be at work, home, video games, health, hobbies, whatever you choose to be amazing with.

One of my future plans is to hang a punching/kicking heavy bag and do as many kicks as humanly possible (do them wrong) as my experience and muscles grow. I'll be able to learn to kick better and one day do them right. To the point where it feels wrong if I haven't done X kicks in a day.

Start measuring things everything starts at Zero and low/mediocre you get better as more effort is put in and time spent. Happiness is exactly the same regard but it's hard for me to understand your position I always have a happy smile on the face.

Before you go out to conquer the world, try conquering yourself first.

nessahauer · 2020-02-18T22:11:57+00:00

You need to be objective with your problems and even more objective with the solutions for them.

Do the what-why-how: 1) what is the problem? 2) why is it a problem? 3) how am I going to solve this problem?

Write everything down on paper and stick it in a visible place where you see it every day, to remember you to do what must be done. Everything that is important in life has to be put on paper. You mentioned unhappiness at work, so start looking for a new one, because your phone won't magically start ringing with a job offer while you're playing video games. Things don't get better in the comfort zone. Happiness? It's a lie sold by social media. Happiness is nothing more than small moments in life. You will never feel fully happy or satisfied for a long period of time. Life is anguish, failure, pain, despair, anger and loneliness, but sometimes - and only sometimes - it can be love and happiness. We live in a world where an orgasm lasts less than 10 seconds and a headache more than 10 hours, so how the fuck can you believe that happiness can be a constant and durable state? The world is way more powerful to bring us down than make us happy. Delete your social media and start observing the world around you and you will see that without the virtual filters of social media, every regular normal person is probably exhausted, dissatisfied, angry, anxious and even depressed: everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Finally, eat clean: stop putting garbage in the form of food into your body. A decent diet and a certain frequency of exercise should help you feel better.

If you really need more answers you will find them by yourself, just don't stop searching and be always in constant improvement.

ShowMeWarFace · 2020-02-18T22:54:11+00:00

Much of adult life is just as you describe. Just get to get used to it. Or don't. Up to you.

Life isn't packed with exciting ups and downs like in movies or video games. At a certain age men have to drastically adjust their expectations (downward) for adult life the way it really is.

xShapez · 2020-02-19T02:06:05+00:00

In my opinion, you miss to be loved dude. I'd suggest getting a dog asap. and couple of more friends perhaps.

Cheeky9 · 2020-02-18T23:41:46+00:00

Hey OP, I hear you. I can relate to many of your conditions. I didn't have the best childhood. I wanted to escape and be independent of my parents as soon as possible. I tried to learn lots of instruments and art, lost interest quickly. I'm pretty young too, I'm currently gearing up to go to college, but doubt it's gonna be this year due to poor prep for my exams. I'm at the end of my gap year, and I've had thoughts like this all year. I seem to enjoy nothing anymore, not even video games. Whenever I sit down to study, never ending thoughts of failure, negativity creep up to prevent me from having a study schedule. I'm just pushing through it right now, I don't know how long it can last.

Let me share what I'm doing to fix my life and maybe it can help you also. I'm currently reading Feeling Good by David Burns and co., which is a book which shares techniques to beat your depression. Prior to reading this book, I had no idea that I had clinical depression, much less the severity of it. It has a test in the first chapter which can help you rate your depression. I got 69/100, 100 being the highest. The first step to solve a problem is acknowledging that there is one. I'm only at the end of the second chapter, but it has already helped me understand my moods way better. I'd suggest you read this book as well. Here's something interesting I learned : you can actually lower your depression by reading this book. This method has a name for it too, it's called bibliotherapy, which has at least the same level of effectiveness as taking antidepressant medication, the authors tested it. So there's some motivation to get started. I hope to finish this book before college, hopefully by then things will be better. I can see in your post you have overgeneralised some things, like "I'm just so tired of everything." Clearly you're not, as you've managed to type out this long post. Just a trick I learned in the current chapter :).

Anyway, if you show any clear signs of depression like me, I'd suggest you visit a professional or read this book. It's not a necessary part of life. Also contact your loved ones, parents, friends, preferably people who've gone through this to help you through your fight. Good luck!

no_one_special_too · 2020-02-18T23:27:45+00:00

It sounds like you're too young to move out on your own (without hurting your college dream), so here goes: Pretend you're okay. Bear with the daily crap of work, school, and social activities. Yes, they suck, but don't share that with anyone. In a while (and in hindsight, it will seem like a short while), you will be out of the house and on to college. In college you will have fewer of the surroundings, fewer of the people you lost feelings for around you, and without those hindrances you will have a slightly greater chance of being/building toward what you want to be and toward what may make you happy.

Also keep a lookout for other paths: It took college + a decade and a half for me to realize that I'd rather not do work indoors and to move to outdoor work, for less pay but less stress and more satisfaction. You may find out the same.

Practice what I call submarine mode: keep most of your thoughts to yourself. In MGTOW you may speak your mind, but in college (or family) doing so is likely to hurt your chances. When you hear shit, just smile, nod, agree and think to yourself, "I just gotta survive this crap for a few months/years, then I'm free and they will no longer matter." It makes it easier.

The above does not directly make you happy but will help make you less unhappy--the first step.

KineRov · 2020-02-19T00:30:59+00:00

Is there anything which ignites your curiosity?

ohgawdwhyme456 · 2020-02-19T01:45:11+00:00

I'm sitting here with an almost done degree in a stem field and feel kind of similar. You will too once you go through a degree. It's a kind of burnt out feeling. I used to be Passionate about things but hopefully I still remember how I got to be that way.

I think there were a few things that personally bothered me. People and how they communicated seemed awfully complicated. What people meant and what they said seemed oftentimes disjointed. There were a lot of contradictions in people's ideologies. This bothered me a lot. Things didn't make sense. Why the hell not? So I started trying to understand language, philosophy and people. This helped but from ever since I can remember it's been a messy time. I became invested in the subject because I needed to master what was going on to dispell the constant confusion. Which led to passion for a few things.

School, work and social relationships will all attempt to snuff that passion out of you. I knew from an early age I wanted to be a hermit. I think I might still.

webdevromscs · 2020-02-19T02:34:03+00:00

Not sure where you live but I'd suggest hiking or camping. Being outdoors does wonders for me. And if it doesn't to you, try something else till you find. Plenty of things available and sometimes we don't even know we could do. For instance a buddy of mine built his own custom car as his hobby how cool is that ?

And don't let the grind get to you. all the bullshit at work is just that - bullshit. Don't take it home with you .

GirlyFeminist · 2020-02-18T21:32:31+00:00

My job is horrid,

Why? What happens if you quit? You can always choose another job, even if it pays less. Shit, you can eve beg on the streets; $10 will last a whole week if you eat shitty meals and is homeless.

If your job is really shitty, find a job that pays less and isn't as horrid. Working shouldn't be fun, otherwise people wouldn't pay you to do it. On the other hand, you must eat to survive and some comforts, such as a roof over your head, may be worth it.

Find a balance. Something that pays your most relevant bills and give you some savings but isn't as horrid. You don't have to kill yourself working.

my pastimes are basically meaningless, I have few, if any, real friends, and

Get new pastimes. Preferably pastimes that pay you.

I haven’t spoken to my best friend in over a year.

Why? Write him a message, an email or a letter. You don't have to talk everyday, but I'm sure he will appreciate that you check up from time to time.

It’s just been a day in day out grind for cash, hoping to go to college, hoping to market stays up so I can actually achieve something.

Achieve what? Whatever you are trying to achieve, is it worth it?

Is any of it worth it? Should I even be trying at all?

You tell me.

Go to work, plaster on a smile so no one knows how emotionally broken you are inside, deal with bullshit from all angles, come home with fryer burns and pretend you’re gonna get a good nights rest so you can repeat the whole day over again.

Like I said. You don't have to do it. Why don't you work on something more meaningful? Maybe work with healthcare, helping people overcome illness? Education, helping people learn useful skills? Entertainment, making sure people get smiles out of their days?

Nothing is fun anymore. I think the last time I truly had fun... I was raising my little sister since Mom and Dad both worked. Doesn’t really count, I guess. Having fun doing someone else’s job...

I play video games, no fun there. My DND group seems to always have a reason to cancel, (heaven forbid Mom ever find out I play that, or she’d flip a lid) I barely even bother with Church anymore, I can do a bible study on my own, I don’t need to sit in a room full of strangers who will judge me for my choices. My life is really just work and pretending I enjoy my pastimes, hiding any small passions from the outside world because anyone would pick me apart for wanting something as simple as a happy life.

It hurts to feel so alone like this. I technically have a girlfriend, but at this point, I locked away my emotions so long ago, that I have no idea what love is supposed to feel like. I guess I’m supposed to feel bad for basically stringing her along? I don’t know.

Don't marry and don't get her pregnant. Be careful with STDs.

How do you guys do it? Nothing material has ever held any interest to me. I flew a plane once. That was dull. Tried to learn Judo. Got bored quick. I really have nothing right now.

A day after another. I'm trying to improve my job because I want to be able to save money and help my family (or, rather, some individuals on my family) and friends. I also want to have a positive impact on the world and I think that promoting positive ideas is really important so other people have a better future. I also don't want kids because I consider it really unfair to give birth to another human being who didn't ask to be born in this fcked up world (murdering him also doesn't solve the problem).

The current goals I do have, they seem so far from now. I’d like to get a degree for prosthetics design. That would be cool. Make a decent amount of cash, and be helping people without becoming a full on doctor. Besides that...

I think I’d like to open a place. Kinda like a Guild Hall of sorts. Somewhere where kids and teens can hang out, and feel safe. I had a horrible childhood growing up. My parents were constantly fighting, and I always was looking for some way to escape whenever they went at it. I just want a place where young boys and girls can hang out, spend the night if they have to. A place they can grow skills, a place they can turn to when times get tough.

There you go. You already know that you want this, so start working to turn it into reality.

Ultimately, I’d like that place to be family. Somewhere you can go, and be loved. Your choices may not always be the best, but I want a place where a kid can show up, and know someone cares about them.

...

truthtawker · 2020-02-18T21:57:31+00:00

get a dog

Dorgdorg · 2020-02-19T00:50:05+00:00

I’d suggest quitting video games, they give you false endorphin highs and your brain gets used to it, which makes everything real seem boring or even depressing. A real hobby is one you can reap a reward from, building/fixing that thing, the accomplishment of completing that hiking trail etc. saying video games are a hobby is like saying your hobby is watching TV.

Maybe look back to when you were a child. What did you want to do then?

Texian_Fusilier · 2020-02-19T01:54:28+00:00

You sound almost like my opposite. Ive been shotgun replaying the halo games, up till 4, fuck 4. And remembering the joy I got from them as a kid. They hold up. And its been long enough, that the story's are fresh again. I'm so nostalgic I'm having a patch of the emblem I've used from the beginning 13 years ago, a grunt with a cowboy hat, 🤠 made into a patch.

I've been very religious lately, due to certain experiences, the lord saving my dog essentially...... do not ask. I get along well with my family, because I've been on my own for 6 years. Once you're on your own, your relationship with your family will probably improve.

NathanHollister · 2020-02-19T03:27:23+00:00

Stop caring what other people think about you and you will instantly be much happier.

dataminer69 · 2020-02-19T03:45:48+00:00

i have a solution for your money/job problem, it can be dangerous and it is very "bad"

message me 4 info

joeshmo7777 · 2020-02-19T04:34:27+00:00

You sound like a smart person. How about reading some philosophy.

TooAwareToCare · 2020-02-19T12:52:24+00:00

Happiness comes from within, always.

No one can feel your happiness as their own and vice versa

It’s a function of the body and brain, learn to live with harmony within yourself and it becomes much easier.

It’s also fleeting and rarely sustained unless through substantial efforts.

It’s also often invisible.

Good luck lol

Throwaway_5252 · 2020-02-21T13:27:07+00:00

I'm the same way. I got it all together now. My own apartment. My own car. Good paying job. Hot models on tap. Yet, I can't stop feeling bitter about the past (also had a rough childhood/homelife) and I'm losing interest in all the things I used to love. Film, video games, reading... I do a bit of archery lately and that is pretty fun I suppose.

But at the end of the day I just mostly like to avoid people and confrontation/conflict. Just wish I had even more money for hookers. Everything else is a drag. I too am emotionally blunted from my traumatic experiences. I don't know what the solution is, but I know I'm not gonna give up and be a bum, or worse, commit suicide.

But it is true. External things can't make you happy or erase the bitterness. Happiness comes from within.

Title	How do I be happy?
Author	Irish-Fritter
Upvotes	59
Comments	34
Date	February 18, 2020 8:54 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/f5ykur/how_do_i_be_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/how-do-i-be-happy.370219 https://theredarchive.com/post/370219

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