I've finally accepted that AWALT.

WidmerBeer · 2016-02-10T20:07:10+00:00

It's normal. Trim down the excessive gaming and replace it with a more balanced lifestyle.

1) Start eating healthier, learn to cook for yourself. This also saves money and develops a skill. Contrary to popular belief, cooking isn't that hard. It just takes some time out of your day.

2.) Pick up a book you want to read. Try to read a chapter a night. Any book will do, just start learning something, even if it's fiction. Develop this habit so you can branch off at a later time into different subjects if you choose to.

3.) Start working out. Any exercise right now will be good for you. Most people enjoy lifting, but if you prefer running that's awesome. Get the body in motion, even if it's for a little bit. You'll be happier as us humans aren't meant to be sedentary all day everyday. If you're an avid gamer, this is a must to balance it out.

4.) Maybe find another hobby as well. Gaming is fine, just do so in moderation right now unless it's a lazy Sunday and you can binge all day on Skyrim, LOL, whatever. I play ARAM games every now and then as well. Haven't played CSGO for a while, I think my interest in that game is on hold right now.

Healthy living will help balance out your lifestyle and give you time to focus on the direction you want to take your life. Excessive gaming right now is just a time filler for the bigger problem you're facing deep down. I'm an introvert too, so realize that aloneness is not loneliness. And you yourself, by yourself, can find hobbies you enjoy which promotes a balanced lifestyle that will benefit you. This will also make gaming much more enjoyable as you haven't over-saturated yourself with gaming which causes it to lose its appeal.

Pursue balance! You might have to force yourself to start doing it at first, but things will become a habit and you'll get more out of life from it which I believe is what you're lacking.

FritzLn · 2016-02-10T19:19:12+00:00

[deleted]

oldredder · 2016-02-10T18:39:13+00:00

it's the depression phase of unplugging, it'll pass.

squidracer · 2016-02-10T18:27:44+00:00

Find a group or volunteer for charity work

gundahir · 2016-02-10T21:54:00+00:00

its normal. you had this one thing, women, that you clinged to, that you thought was worthy of pursuing and was not pointless. you destroyed that illusion and realized it was a lie leaving you with a void now. emptiness. pointlessness. your job now is to realize how strong and free you are right now. you have the power to shape your life and go the direction you actually want to go. not the direction others expect from you. fill the void. take your time to think, plan, then execute

Lytalm · 2016-02-10T19:08:29+00:00

Get into college. Im serious.

Learn. Learn learn learn learn learn learn.

Though, the smarter you become, the more you realize how dumb other people are. :)

CyLoke · 2016-02-10T22:07:51+00:00

This was taken from the r/theredpill but it was filed under MGTOW. It helped me a lot and made a bunch of sense (probably cause I'm a practising Buddhist). You need to develop a stronger, healthier actualized sense of self and stop relying on external things (women, drugs, videos games, booze, money etc) to fill that void.

Summary

Some users have requested an exploration of the statement satiating desire isn't about feeling good. It's about ending suffering.

I am still slowly making my way through the side bar and learning at a slow contemplative pace, so this post may be a little premature on my part. Nevertheless; I would like to take the opportunity to both offer the following exploration between desire and suffering and to make an entrance into this community in a way that I hope to be valuable; at the very least to form the foundation of a valuable discussion.

I would first like to make a housekeeping note between desires and needs. While the difference between these two words may not be material outside this post; while we are here I'd like to form the following difference to aid the discussion.

Needs as contended by Maslow are the fundamental things that that a person requires to live; ordered in a hierarchical way. These needs form the basic motivators of a human that when met, that person is able to reduce their suffering and to be able to move on to meeting greater needs. I will extend this contention to reproduction; the more of a persons basic needs that are met, the more likely they are to successfully reproduce and raise a child in a community. It is important to note, that while generally, needs are met linearly up the hierarchy, in reality, person's needs will flow up and down the hierarchy.

Desires are the feelings one experience when there may be a need to be met. I say "may", since in today's world of consumption and fem-centric ideas of masculinity, our senses are often confused in to desiring things we actually don't need. Let's explore some common desires and relate them back to the hierarchy.

Body

Any smoker who is reading this will now be feeling the desire to smoke a cigarette. The smoker/addict will hamster away that desire and apply a need to the desire to justify its existence. "I'm bored/tired/need a break/it calms me/ it helps me focus, etc". What is the basis of this desire, no non-smoker needs a cigarette, so where does it come from? It come from suffering. Every smoker who hasn't smoked for around an hour (perhaps less) will feel an empty feeling inside caused by the withdrawal of nicotine. It isn't particularly uncomfortable, in fact it's hardly noticeable, however once a smoker is able to fill that emptiness with nicotine, he will be able to fill all of his moments of loneliness, stress and discomfort with the drug. He will satiate his desire (end the suffering) without actually satiating any needs, and hence his dependency will grow. In this example, the desire isn't associated with any real need.

Not all the food we eat is delicious, so what exactly is hunger, if not to enjoy oneself through taste? Hunger is suffering, and we know that we can end the suffering by eating, so we eat. The suffering (desire) is caused by not having met our most fundamental need on the hierarchy.

Why do you have the desire to attain your dream car or other material crutch? It is because you now have a need to meet the esteem of your peers and community members. Will this car/watch/house make you happy? No it may periodically help you end your suffering (though in most cases the purchasing of these items don't actually guarantee that you have met the esteem of your peers, you've just been tricked into thinking that you'll be loved for buying this thing.), though there is nothing that this thing can do that will make you happy (other than maybe some utility that it has - for example; going fast, which can be fun).

This can get confusing sometimes. If you have a sore back you may organise to get a massage to relieve the suffering, or you may get a massage without having anything wrong with you, in which case there is a distinct difference between pleasure and a reduction in suffering. We can extrapolate this back massage example to fucking. It the desire of every beta to be validated by women, and we will suffer immeasurably because of it. We will suffer because women will despise us for needing them and their validation. Women are attracted to self actualised men or the next best (hypergamy). It is these men that get the back massages for pleasure. It is these men who fuck for fun and don't hate women or themselves in the process. Though woman will likely hate them for not providing reproductive utility. It is these men who will quite happily plod along doing there thing, whether it is being a Siberian Muscle God, Salty Pirate King or like in the above example; enjoying your self actualisation and removing the value from women's validation like u/Challengedge.

All that being said, what is the point of posting on TRP without an unapologetic dose of misogyny?

What is the difference between men and women? We can argue the difference in many ways and through a number of lenses. Most notably in this sub, it is the difference in our reproductive strategies. I put to you that a more fundamental difference between men and woman is that:

A woman's highest need is to be loved. Only once she is loved a woman can reproduce and convince a man to raise the child.

A man's highest need, is to be free. Only once free, are men able to better themselves and then their community.

It important to again note that the meeting of these needs doesn't always happen in a linear fashion and that until one has achieved some measure of self actualisation, one will suffer in one way or another. The more you grow as a man, the more your motivations will be based on self and less on the reduction of suffering. That is to say, the more your motivations will be based on self and less on the validation of women and our insufferable enslaving cunt of a society.

A look at this hierarchy also gives us an insight into why so many of us become beta and fem manipulated; we need to pass through the esteem/approval seeking stage of personal growth before we can self actualise and in this world where we have suckled on the tit of mothers validation for way too long; our esteem and self worth has become based on the meeting of females reproductive needs (provider to a single spouse for the child of another man). This has crippled too many of us from reaching our higher, truer and greater calling of self validation, actualisation and transcendence.

The basis of our motivations for being here is primarily to reduce suffering at the esteem level of our needs (we are not loved by society i.e woman). However, I think most of us have come to realise that female validation is no longer needed in our lives (since probably the age of five), our suffering now becomes based on the need to be free. We can now see the name for this sub as less of a cheeky irony and more of an apt contention of the most masculine of needs.

Rongorongo2 · 2016-02-11T04:15:09+00:00

You are hoping that externalities and external people will improve your life . This is pretty much an analog equivalent to a girl sitting at home eating chocolates assuming that the prince will ride up on a White horse.

Stop measuring yourself by other people.

Improve your mind by getting an additional college degree or just reading widely or training yourself in some new skills

Lift, workout, try to reach your peak physical condition for your age

Take up some hobby or activity that improves you, makes you more interesting to yourself

ElectricGhostD · 2016-02-11T04:41:30+00:00

Really it's not good to do the same thing in one sitting for more than 3 hours. You really should be getting up every 15-25 minutes just to move around for a little bit. If you're gaming for 10 hours regularly your body is probably not in good shape. I would start with a very simple workout exercise regimen, walking 20 minutes a day and some bodyweight exercises without equipment. If you are fortunate to have sunlight where you are get some in. Supplements I recommend to help with initial red pill depression and for overall health: Vitamin D, fish oil (for the omegas), and magnesium. Most Westerners are typically deficient in all three and they are really important for body function and overall wellness. Also make sure you are getting enough sleep and sleeping at a regular schedule if possible. Forget about the world. Star focusing on you. Take care of yourself.

blue_magoo_62 · 2016-02-10T19:56:02+00:00

pay for it twice a month

mgtow_taway · 2016-02-11T03:34:48+00:00

Become financially independent and then enjoy life

OldRoad · 2016-02-11T07:14:51+00:00

I'm certainly not happy all the time, but it helps me that I am fairly confident that being single is the best choice for me. It would be tougher if I thought that the type of relationship I would want had a reasonable chance of actually happening -- then I might have thought that I was missing out on something. But I've had the experience of getting my hopes up and being rejected just so many times, plus the experience of a relationship that ended up miserable. If I find myself unhappy about being single, it's easy to remember that any attempt at dating for me is likely to be pointless -- either more rejection, or someone that I wouldn't be attracted to, or even someone that could create problems in my life.

There's also a certain amount of pride one can get from standing up for oneself and walking away from what one thinks of as unfair rejection. There's not necessarily an easy answer for being disappointed if one realizes that one may never have the type of romantic relationship that one thought they would someday have. But at least I can be happy that I'm no longer wasting my time and energy chasing after women who probably wouldn't even care if I never existed.

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2016-02-12T02:47:51+00:00

Here's a line of thought for you that others above (worthy as their ideas and statements ARE) haven't really hit on...

Part of what you're feeling is a kind of depression associated with the destruction of the future "fantasy life" you had imagined and built up... probably some combination of wife, house, birth of kids, etc.

But ask yourself something: After you had achieved those things... what then?

I mean I'm assuming you didn't ONLY imagine that your post-wedding life would be 40 to 50+ years of just going off to some massively satisfying work in the daytime and coming home to porn-style kinky sex every single night. (Because if you imagined that... well then you were destined for disillusionment and depression even IF you found some "perfect NAWALT unicorn" woman, because THAT ain't reality.)

You probably also weren't looking forward to the (far more likely reality) of a couple months/years of "honeymoon" life followed by 40 to 50+ years of going off to some massively DISsatisfying work in the daytime and coming home to a dead bedroom every night (with maybe quasi-frigid pity/obligation sex once a month).

So... ask yourself: what WERE you envisioning for FUN things that you would be doing -- hobbies & activities, etc WITH that wife, and/or with that imagined "ideal son" or sons/daughters? Travel? Maybe you were going to get into camping? Perhaps woodworking? Maybe learn "welding" together with the kid? Get a couple of motocross bikes or ATV's and go mudding? Scuba diving? Getting a sailboat and learn sailing together? Or maybe in stead you would have ______ and ________, and possibly [insert various other activities here] ?

I also think that while you were imagining SHARING those things with "family" (wife/kids) you probably ALSO envisioned that via them, you would be meeting & having friendships with other adult people as well.

Well, what's STOPPING you from doing those [whatever they were] things that you envisioned as post-wedding, post-child-is-now-old-enough-to-learn/experience, kinds of activities & hobbies?

None of those things actually REQUIRE the presence of the "wife" OR the "kid"... and your future imagined enjoyment of them was probably only PARTIALLY linked to their imagined presence.

The plain truth of the matter is that a lot of men PUT OFF doing any/all of those kinds of things, because they feel they have some kind of "duty" to delay them until they have their "family" all sorted -- and of course since that seldom actually works out in real life anything LIKE such a clean, orderly "lock step" fashion, but rather said "family" ends up being a big-old "dead weight" dragging them down (if not a fusterclucked catastrophe of cheating/divorce/partial custody visitation & child support payments, while being unable to AFFORD anything "fun") -- well most men never actually end up doing any of the things they imagined. (Cue "Cats in the Cradle" -- and/or the Stanley Johnson "debt up to my eyeballs" advertisement -- or notably, the "This is Water" essay/speech about the banality of most people's existence*).

The point is that as an MGTOW... NONE of that really NEEDS to apply to YOU anymore!

You're FREE to GO YOUR OWN WAY!

So go get started... do some shit... go whatever "way" you want.

*EDIT: After re-listening to that "This is Water" essay/speech... I was struck by a thought.

Consider that while some of that "rat race" has to do with mundane things of modern working & living, the MAJORITY of the "frustrations" the guy talks about -- the things that require him to convince himself that it has some higher, spiritual meaning via his "this is water, this is water" mantra -- nearly ALL of them are associated with the "drama" linked with wife & family.

An MGTOW doesn't have to recite the mantra, or become ridiculously "frustrated" about getting home "late"...

Because for the MGTOW, there's NO dinner that's sitting there getting cold or overcooked & dried out;
There's NO bitchy wife waiting at home that's going to chew you out for not remembering to stop for milk, and...
There are NO annoying kids that will drive you nuts with their crying or begging for a minute of your attention when you just want to relax from the day's work.
Plus there's NONE of the financial burden "frustrations" of trying to pay for little Johnny's orthodontics, or Janey's piano lessons or private schooling for either/both, (much less wifey's shoes, dresses and inane hobby/career or pseudo-businesses, or some "I wanna go back to school" nonsense); there's no second car that has to be paid for, no "college funds" to try to save up for, etc. Not to mention that you no longer need to slave away for 30+ years to pay for some 3 bedroom "starter" home; much less 10 years in do a refinance/HELOC to remodel the kitchen, or worse go even deeper into debt to "upgrade" to a larger McMansion faux-castle...

There's probably NO "rush" or potential "drama" at all... again, as an MGTOW, you're free from all that.

You can realize that -- as an MGTOW, a bachelor -- the tradeoff, the "deal" you have chosen means that YOU and you ALONE are in charge, you answer to NO ONE. And that most if not ALL of the non-work "petty" deadlines in your life, will generally be pure "fictions" of your own making, and you can probably alter them, or even just let them go... on a whim. They are after all, no big deal.

As an MGTOW, you don't HAVE to "swim" in that chaotic drama filled "water" ... you can instead, soar above all of it, like a proverbial Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

f0k4ppl3 · 2016-02-12T16:45:41+00:00

Time does the trick. You want to hear about a magic cure, a trick, a pill you can take to make it go away. I know I did. There isn't. You can try to focus on things, activities, hobbies, try to do away with some others that might be helping you stay negative. Grind away. Put it in your mind that every second that you are depressed, they win. Don't let them win. Your character is built on what you do. One day you realize you yourself have changed, not just your opinion. Your self. But it takes time. Be patient with yourself, you're working against a lifetime of social indoctrination. I fucked up at first. Tried to make it better by seeking solace in other people. I only felt embarrassed. Huge hit on my already faltering self-esteem. Don't do that. Reach in, not out. You can do it so do it.

zareliman · 2016-02-12T02:26:07+00:00

I suggest you stop playing LoL unless you're on an e-sports team and making a career. Otherwise 10 hours in that game looks like it's sucking your life and soul (if you're putting money it looks like the consequences of having a girlfriend).

I'd advice to get more structured (wake up early and have a routine), fill your day with diverse activities, try to do physical activities as well. It helps to stop thinking and just start doing, get practical and stop daydreaming, enjoy the little things like taking a walk, rejoice from your everyday life.

Lord-Schadenfreude · 2016-02-11T04:37:07+00:00

You've come to the realization that love isn't real. Shit's tough. But it's easier to deal with this now than when you're older and living the dream with your soul mate. And you take your freedom for granted, you may never have been enslaved to another human being like so many other men are through divorce laws.

You're drunk on immediate gratification as well. You are not working on a long term goal, you're just "being happy." Hedonism is not what makes you happy, you need actualization. I don't know what that will look like for you. Travel, learn skills, languages, knowledge, a nice car, I don't know. Occasionally drawing a picture, writing some stupid thing, twiddling around on my guitar, and reading about philosophy seems to do it for me.

I've found a certain comfort in my Nihilism. Whatever I deem to be important to me, in the grand scheme of things, is no less important than anything else.

sadbasturd99 · 2016-02-11T13:09:10+00:00

As a 41 year old man I can tell you the advice about lifting and going to the gym is just a kneejerk response that everyone gives out. Do not waste your time with exercise or lifting. I spent most of my life working out as a competition with my friends or just to feel strong. It got me nothing in life.

There may be something to doing steady cardio every day for the rest of your life, I don't know. But of course I hate cardio.

Matexqt · 2016-02-11T17:22:16+00:00

Find friends who share hobbies you like. Not caring about women doesn't mean you can't meet guys (no homo lol). Humans are social creatures after all, shutting yourself in won't do.

2016-02-11T17:29:33+00:00

If you're, say, under 30, consider it a good thing that you discovered this early on in life.

Having this sort of identity crisis when you're older is usually more profound, as there's less time to make changes and set new paths.

oldredder · 2016-02-12T08:51:32+00:00

It is normal because you have yet to actually build your life into something of value, which is why even you alone are bored of it.

Living without them is simple: do hard things, do clever things, do fun things, take time to sit and do nothing but enjoy that nothing, all without women around.

I can't imagine ever again having a woman in my life. Hiring a hooker isn't "in my life" either so that doesn't count, nor a random anonymous bar hookup.

iamlikethewindbaby · 2016-02-11T00:32:31+00:00

[deleted]

Title	I've finally accepted that AWALT.
Author	iamlikethewindbaby
Upvotes	42
Comments	39
Date	February 10, 2016 5:41 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/453wo2/ive_finally_accepted_that_awalt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/ive-finally-accepted-that-awalt.638424 https://theredarchive.com/post/638424

Comments

Here's a line of thought for you that others above (worthy as their ideas and statements ARE) haven't really hit on...

But ask yourself something: After you had achieved those things... what then?

The point is that as an MGTOW... NONE of that really NEEDS to apply to YOU anymore!

You're FREE to GO YOUR OWN WAY!