big update edit added to the end

Fellas, I'm in the thick of it.

Been reading here for a while. New throwaway (cuz hey why not?)

Wife picks me up from work. I ask her to move out of drivers seat. I drive. I tell her latest gossip from work. A girl we both know turns out to be a total whore - living at least 3 lives with a beta bux, an AF, and at least one more. We both kinda thought she was nice.

Conversation turns to my wife saying, "aren't you glad you have this great little family?"

Backstory. One year ago I suspected my wife cheated. I pressed hard for details and I got trickle truth. I BLEW UP when I found out she cuddled with him in his bed and I found a love song she wrote for him. I blew up to the extent that she shut down all further details that might have come out.

So I know for sure she did at least minor physical, and full emotional cheating. I would've left on the spot, but she'd divorce rape me big time. (Don't worry, I'm getting that In order now. Details will be posted when it's prudent to do so).

I "forgave her" and I don't bring it up. I'm basically trying TRP as a last ditch effort before this marriage finds it's end.

Ok, so she basically says, "aren't you glad I'm not a cheating slut..." And in the past I would've just said yes and bit my tongue. But now I'm a man who doesn't avoid triggers and says what he feels.

So I say, "what? I've already been thru the worst thing I can imagine in marriage."

She starts off trying to minimize her actions. I explain again how id prefer if she cheated only physically. She blows up (I think she is bpd) and I don't back down. It culminates with her saying I need help, then that I'm going to hell for not forgiving her, then she says she's been thru the worst by marrying me. Yes, she truly despises me. And yes, she is a crazy rageaholic.

The whole time I did a good job maintaining frame. I did not get sucked into the emotional drama, but I stood firm, insisting that I will never say I'm glad that she cheated on me. That's essentially what she wanted me to say.

So we get home. She says "fuck you" or something similarly involving that vulgarity. I tell her to get out of the car. She does. I drove away.

Now I'm sitting in a parking lot with a sleeping 2 year old in the car seat. I've declined every one of her 17 calls and haven't responded to a single text. Don't be fooled, she's not saying sorry. She is sayin that she needs the car to go to yoga. This is still "my fault" because i didn't absolve her of her lingering guilt.

I want to stay out long enough she Misses yoga for sure.

What else should I do?

Edit: it's been over an hour. Her yoga class has started, she won't make it tonight. I'm going to face this conflict head on. She is legitimately pissed about this. My plan is to be calm and direct. I will act like the alpha self i know I was born to become. I will be fatherly, treat her like a little girl, and explain that while I have forgiven her, she doesn't not get to insist it never happened. The way she raged at me is unacceptable. I will not apologize for being the reason she missed yoga. SHE is the reason she missed yoga. My rules are my rules. I'm the wolf!!!

Edit2: The aftermath. I spent 2 hrs away from home with my phone blocking her calls. When I came home I put the kid in bed and went to read a book in the living room alone. I know she heard me come in.

I waited 30 min after coming home before I decided the confront the issue. I can't afford to drive her away yet. So I walked into the bedroom where she was watching a movie and very calmly and authoritatively said, "I'm going to say something important. Listen and do not interrupt me." She was looking up at me with doe eyes- like with honest to goodness respect. I said, "I am sorry you missed your yoga class. I'm sorry I reacted emotionally. But that is an issue that has deep lingering effects. I will never forget it. I can never pretend it didn't happen. But more importantly, nobody speaks to me like that. Nobody. Do not speak to me like that again." Then I just stared at her with pure confrontation.

She said sorry for saying what she said, and then she tried to launch into a rant about how sad it is that she didn't get to go to yoga. I stared at her blankly while she blabbed, then just walked out of the room.

Went back to reading my book. About 5 minutes later I went back in and sternly said again, "listen up this is really important." She was expecting another lecture. But I cracked a smile and said, "I love you." Then I left the room.

This time She followed me, apologized again, and asked where I went. I didn't tell her. I just kept reading my book and acted like nothing ever happened. I could see the little hamster wheel spinning in her head.

I also dropped some dread hints about a woman at work who made me breakfast this morning in the office (she wants the d). Wife said something to herself about she should be worried. Then more flirting, general being the boss (I made dinner decisions) and told her we were gonna fuck tonight. And then told her nah, I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow.

Note: my situation requires some beta because I am in the midst of a multi-year plan to prevent her divorce raping me. In 7 months time I will be completely set up to win at divorce I it comes to that. Hoping it doesn't, but if it must, I will come out on top. So if I keep the marriage on the rails for another 7 months I can't lose...

Takeaways: it's never too late to reestablish frame. I lost my cool a little in the car, but when I came home I maintained my position without getting emotional whatsoever.

I needed to be unequivocal about the cheating issue because I've allowed it to slide in the past. I actually let my wife tell me I'm not allowed to have feelings about her cheating on me. Holy shit, that's pathetic... Well, that stopped today. Taking my life back one small step at a time.

My wife responds to authority, and love. It was the expression of love that broke that bitchiness down tonight.

Once I get to where I need to be (legally), this will be a whole different ball game. Poor woman has no idea what's coming for her... I'd feel bad turning her life upside down like this, but she has disrespected me in the ultimate way. She will either become the wife i deserve, or she'll be on the curb. Either way, I am going to win.

Thanks for your help, gents.