Long time reddit lurker and recent TRP follower. I was going to text wall with how I used to be extremly beta with a sexually disinterested wife and have recently started power reading through the TRP sidebar and am completely turning around. But I want to get to this question:

I've read from his most holy Rollo Tomassi that in order to get more attention, more desire, I must disengage from her and spend more time on me. This lines up with dread levels 3 and 4, where I'm also joining more activities (against her wishes), and attempting to give my wife love/affection only when she does so for me. I have heard from many places in TRP that 'if she want's to fuck you, she'll find a way to fuck you' (by the way I look good imho, I have been unknowingly following dread level 2 for years, training for marathon, 6 pack, strong arms from climbing and lifting so bottom line is I am fuckable). But I also come across many posts where TRP'ers are being assertive with their wives, TELLING them they are going to fuck, slapping their ass and complimenting them. This seems to fly in the face of dread because you are confirming your sexual interest with her, rather than making her dread you'll walk. Could someone please straighten this out for me? Are these two different tactics to be used separately to get to the same end? Or am I missing something. How can I make her dread me walking but at the same time assertively get her to have sex?

Additional quick question. The dread seems to be working insomuch as she has confronted me a few times about us 'seeming distant now, we don't click, you don't Insert numerous physical/intimate things I used to do here anymore'. But it's also not working because she has not increased her physical/intimate actions with me at all. I know the point is supposed to be: You withdrawal, she latches onto you and tries to get close. But it's almost like “I miss being close and spooning and kissing and all, but I'll be damned if I'm going to initiate it with you.” So what am I facing here. The lack of progress is disheartening.