How do you learn to live alone while still being in a relationship.

enskipp · 2015-01-13T18:24:05+00:00

For me a big key was learning to compartmentalize what I wanted for the family, what I wanted in my marriage, what I wanted for my wife, and what I wanted for ME - and then focusing on that last item because it was always the one getting submerged in the natural course of life.

Figure out what YOU want - what would you like to do, what goals would you like to set, what hobbies would you like to resume? Then once you have that down, work on figuring out how you can start getting some of those things that you want within the context of your everyday life. When you do that three things will happen: First, you will be happier in general. Second, your own identity will start to emerge again - you won't just be an appendage to the family, you'll start feeling like you are your own person, maybe for the first time in a long time. Third, you will not come across as needy because you'll have your own thing that you're doing in your own space.

Thinking about what you want set aside from the needs/wants of the marriage and family doesn't mean you're neglecting the marriage/family. It just means you're diverting some resources of time and energy to an alternate purpose - one that will ultimately make you more capable of leading your marriage and family in the long run.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-01-13T23:23:30+00:00

Take a FIFO job. They pay a bomb, and if you hate it, at least you'lol have some cash to show for it.

UEMcGill · 2015-01-14T13:54:57+00:00

Start small. Your problem is you don't know how to be alone with yourself.

Pack your bags and go away for the weekend. Alone. Just you. This is one of the first steps in NMMNG for a reason. Go camping if you like that. Go hiking, what ever, just go. Don't ask your wife, tell her "hey, taking a weekend to mentally recharge."

Maybe you're afraid of not meeting peoples expectations? Not seeming like the provider? Who knows.

Next step: Vacation with the boys. I go for a week to Alaska with by brother, and I can't tell you how invigorating it is.

StingrayVC · 2015-01-13T19:19:19+00:00

You work to be the leader of your home. In a lot of ways, leading for men is a lone wolf job. Sure, you might ask your wife for her opinion or her help, but ultimately the big decisions are yours and yours to make alone. I like how enskipp put it as an appendage of your family. You want your family to be an appendage of you, not the other way around. If you make that happen, you won't have this fear anymore because you will be the leader of your world.

TheYoungPatriarch · 2015-01-13T20:17:28+00:00

Hard and Fast Method: Take a month or two off work in the summer and hike the John Muir trail alone. If you live overseas (i.e. not US) take a flight out to Tibet, Mongolia, the Alps, Patagonia. Rent a horse and a guide and go to those rarely seen places. The idea is to have a very damn good reason why you want to be away from your SO for a significant amount of time. Not only will you be alone, but you will be isolated and forced to reflect and observe what makes you, you.

Longer more expensive method: Buy some property out in the sticks. Preferably in the far north. Build yourself a hunting cabin. Take some basic supplies and spend your extended weekends there. Don't bring more than one day of food. If you suck at foraging and hunting, you're gonna have a hungry weekend.

What you might learn: -You are a hardy motherfucker when you put your mind to it. -All your things, your job, all your friends, everyone is extra. It has been said that the people in your life are likes spices, giving it flavor... but if you take them all away you still have that gritty meal- You have you, and only you can change you, you don't NEED anyone else but yourself to keep air in your lungs and food in your belly.

Your happiness is not dependent on your wife's happiness, or your kids, or anyone else for that matter.

RBuddDwyer · 2015-01-14T03:00:37+00:00

Read field reports like this one and realize this could be you. All the sudden "living alone" sounds like a really fun time.

I've excerpted the relevant portion here:

so I pull her giggling ass into the stairwell next to the room instead. I knock out the LMR and she's on her knees blowing me while telling me she "doesn't do this kinda stuff yaddayaddayadda, we're not gonna have sex, yaddayaddayadda." Roughly two minutes later she's rifling my pockets looking for a condom telling me to fuck her. I tell her I never carry condoms because I don't like them and she stonewalls on that (ohwell, win some/lose some). I tell her she is going to cum for me one way or another and pin her against the wall with her pants around her ankles and my hand on her. I'm not a big fan of fingerbanging but hey, it's fun sometimes. I tell her she can't cum until I say so and she is BEGGING me to cum in about 2 min. I make her say some vile shit before I push her up into the wall and tell her to cum on command. This was some kind of religious experience for her and I started getting wild blubbering slobbery kisses while lightergirl starting gushing on my hand. One thing I like to do when a girl starts orgasming is to to hold her tight, sink it in deep, (sadly, my finger, in this case), and tell her "don't you fucking stop cumming," which has made for some pretty epic multi-o's with lotsa girls. She is almost in tears she is gushing so much so I eventually let off while she quivers in the corner with that wide-eyed, holy fuck stare on her face. I say my turn and get one of the best blowies of my life before I send her back to her friends.

teeay · 2015-01-14T21:09:27+00:00

What scares you about being alone?

ford_contour · 2015-01-16T07:41:35+00:00

You don't necessarily get over this fear - you face it, you learn it, and you live with it.

Of course I'm afraid of losing my wife - she's amazing. Anything worth having is going to hurt to lose.

Fear has a purpose. Fear has value. We work harder to keep what we fear losing.

But we don't let fear control our actions or it sabotages us. Fear motivates us, but never makes it to the top of our priority list. We're too busy and too driven for that.

Don't try to get rid of that fear, just accept it and put it into context your your bigger goals.

A great start on facing that fear is to go out to eat alone somewhere that you usually go with your wife and kids. Make it your intention to enjoy yourself, just to prove you can. You will leave with an increased awareness of why you value the family you have, and also of the fact that you can still enjoy yourself alone.

Title	How do you learn to live alone while still being in a relationship.
Author	themaskswewear
Upvotes	7
Comments	8
Date	January 13, 2015 5:59 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2sawuw/how_do_you_learn_to_live_alone_while_still_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/how-do-you-learn-to-live-alone-while-still-being.202681 https://theredarchive.com/post/202681

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