How to maintain frame while unemployed?

[deleted] · 2017-05-21T17:54:47+00:00

Note rule 0

If you're not here to help men, then you aren't here. Go cry elsewhere

mrgrizzlor · 2017-05-14T16:43:09+00:00

Having just come off an overly long job search, I have the following advice:

Your full time job is finding a job. The most precious hours of your search are from 830AM - 5:30PM while people are at their desks. You need to AT LEAST be searching and calling and calling during these hours.
Do your searching from some place BESIDES your home. I was lucky that a hotel across the street from my apartment had a business center where I could sit and use their wifi. Maybe you will need to find a library, but just don't be home. This has the advantage of her not being there to comment on what she thinks you should be doing. And you will be more productive when you don't have things like the fridge or tv to distract you. And her and your kid too.
Turn your socializing time into job networking time. Invite friends and your / their contacts out for lunches or a coffee to ask for their help in your search. Ask your wife to plow her, and her parents friends list for networking opportunities. Who do they know in the law world that could meet with you. This is the only place you should ask your wife for help in your search.
Don't share your frustrations or disappointments with her about your search. If she sees you in your weaker moments it can only make things worse. She is not an emotional support to you. Don't go looking for it.
Try to avoid letting her know when you have an interview, or when you're expecting to hear back about a second round interview, or a possible offer. She'll keep getting stressed about that and it'll make you stressed. And if you get turned down for a job or a next round interview then her emotional reaction will only make your own shame and disappointment worse. You are the only one doing the job search. Don't involve her.
Keep working on your body. Seriously the endorphins alone will keep your mood up. My best interviews happened within 2 hrs of a work out.
Get dressed well everyday, even if you have no meetings. Don't get sloppy, it affects your frame. And she is on high alert for you being a bum while you're unemployed. Don't be a bum... get up earlier than usual, get out of the house before she's up if you can.
Use your hobbies or sports as a way to network for a job. If you can afford to sign up for a membership at a higher end health and racquet club, if you play squash or gold etc. and can network with other members for a job then you absolutely should. Lawyers are all members at those clubs and they'll give you a chance to send them your CV and consider you for an interview if you just finished a round with them.

[deleted] · 2017-05-15T02:19:04+00:00

Writing reply based on being a small business owner who is constantly gaining/losing business based in the whims of industry.

The golden rule is this: Good Things Come To Those That Fucking Hustle. Every day you need to be pursuing leads. Doesn't matter that all my guys are busy, I'm chatting up everyone that will listen.

Currently my (very small) company is working at 100% capacity- I don't have an hour to spare for anyone. But I'm still talking to anyone that will listen. I live or die based on networking.

If I didn't have a job I'd spend 8-10 hours a day trying to network. Try and get a name, cold call, and try to find some common ground. Doesn't matter if they don't have an opening, they might know a cousin, mentor, brother-in-law type who does.

In your case, I agree with the get-out-of-the-house logic. A guy looking for work from home, even if he's killing it, is still in a lesser position than the guy that leaves every day to go find work.

Also, if you see yourself going longer than 30-45 days without work, go get a shit job. Canadian Tire, Home Depot, doesn't matter. Get something where you are contributing to the monthly income regardless of significance.

One last thought- the Family Captain doesn't always have to have it 100% figured out. Storms sometimes arise from nowhere and he gets caught momentarily off guard. He does, however, have to have a plan to fix the problems that arise. You lost your job, that's not a problem. You don't know what to do next, that is a problem you need to fix asap.

MRPguy · 2017-05-14T12:27:59+00:00

I met up with a fellow sailor, retired about a year before me. He's been travelling off his pension return of contributions, working at Mike Rowe dirty jobs, and basically a nomad. He has plans to move to Europe and get citizenship. fell in 'love' with a 5 from there, and is trying to stick with her until he gets it. No frame, and his whole life is dependant on the whims of a woman. I wish him well, but I worry that he will end up having to rejoin the military because of his lack of options... And it's gotten a lot worse since then, big L Liberals are never kind to the service.

When he left, he put in his papers and just left. Never had a plan. He's been working hard to find out how to unlock a locked in RRSP, but theres no goal for him.

When I had enough, I didn't leave right away. Part of it was becuase of shedding the brainwashing of "This is the best you'll ever do", but part was about doing it smart.

I saved every penny. By the time I was ready to finally leave, I had enough money saved that I would cover all my expenses for a year. I had gotten a mentor, learned everything I could about how to get back on my feet. I ate a lot of shit. a Supervisor who was probably going through menopause, a Head of department who was still mad that I beat 'administrative violence'. Got to work seeing how one could pull a reputation out of the mud, since the alternative was to sit there and sulk for a year.

Then I pulled the plug, and went to Portugual for a week upon my newfound unemployment.

then I spent the next 8 months putting plan into action. When opportunity did knock, maybe 8 months later. I had 30 days to move from Montreal to Toronto. I did what I had to do, stayed in some shithole AirBNB with a Russian hippie for 45 days while I sold and bought a new condo. Took a lot of hustling, and cleaning out my 'fuck you' fund to make it work, but I would worry about it once It was done.

Know how I kept frame through all this? I had a plan, and I kept any insecurities about it to myself. I mean, lets fact it, at any point, if any one part of it went to shit, I could have been fucked. The SO was even on board for doing her part. She was talking to her parents about how we may need money etc. Never found out about this until later, but it was pretty nice that she started to look for her part on this mission.

Having said that, this was the early part of my map. I jokingly called it Operation Phoenix, I was going to kill every valueless thing in my life, and laugh in the ashes, and at this time, this included her. She fought to stay, and so she is here today, enjoying the result of that.

So, in typical lawyer fashion, I took 500 words to say how one can hold frame during hard times. Be too busy with your plan to get out of them to buckle.

Also, have a plan for when shit like this happens. I assume you haven't been living paycheck to paycheck like a king prior to you having made it as a lawyer?

Also, XBOX, booze, luxuries didn't exist for me then. I needed to make it uncomfortable, I've always kept focus when things weren't too cozy. I knew myself, and so took on the battle from a position of strength for me.

weakandsensitive · 2017-05-14T15:15:43+00:00

I once got fired and quickly took a job that paid 50% of my former position. I was in that role about a year but learned a fuckton and made valuable connections with clients. The next job was the best of my career.

Get to work and stop crying

man_in_the_world · 2017-05-14T12:39:19+00:00

Be a leader through this time of crisis. First form your long-term vision of where you are aiming to go (which presumably involves a well-paid position as a licensed lawyer). Then make a realistic plan and timetable to get there, a realistic budget for that interval, and carefully map out what you and your wife have to do and accomplish (such as studying sufficiently for your licensing exam to be sure of passing it, and either or both you and she taking part-time work) and the sacrifices you need to make (such as selling a car or moving to cheaper housing) to successfully execute the plan and budget.

Your plan then becomes your vision, mission, and frame. Explain it to your wife and bring her on board with it as your family mission; she will be much more comfortable with your leadership and plan if she knows you have one, that you believe in it, and when she sees you leading by example in executing it. You will have no reason to lose your frame or lose your shit if you have a good, realistic plan that will get you through this difficult time to where you want to be.

InChargeMan · 2017-05-14T13:22:41+00:00

Do paralegal work, mow lawns, deliver pizzas, work at a bar, stack shelves, work as a temp, work as a bouncer, put flyers in letterboxes, do filing. Are you shitting me? The unemployment rate in Toronto is around 5%. So you are in the bottom 5% of employable adults? This post is just whinge, your issue is not frame, your issue is lack of drive.

BadMoles · 2017-05-14T11:31:20+00:00

Can you do paid paralegal work for the time being (I don't know the legal field so may have this all wrong). Also it sounds to me a little like you tie your self worth to what you bring home - I am a bit like this myself. If this is the case your frame will be weakened by not fulfilling the breadwinner role - try to focus on your self worth in other areas? You're going to be a lawyer at the end of the year - that's one hell of an achievement, keep that goal in sight, keep lifting, don't go looking for reasons to complain about your life as it is right now. That's all I have - best of luck.

470_2_700_nm · 2017-05-14T17:26:05+00:00

Stone wrote above about killing all the valueless components in your life, including SO if this rings true. Past that, you can not and must not loose your shit. Imagine the state of a ship with the captain loosing his shit as it headed for unresonable weather. The risk of sinking is always higher at that time, but the captain loosing his shit is greatly compounding the matter such that one more wrong happening and you are sunk. This is your LTR in a nutshell.

You had a kid with this woman, now you fucking wage forward mother fucker, and don't come on here wondering how you are going to move forward. Just take the time to develop a plan, then move forward with that plan, and be unshakable in your resolve. Especially with her. You can be honest to a point with her about how it is affecting you, but I'm almost sure you will fuck that up so don't.

I've been idle for 8 months with a hell of an opportunity waiting to turn into something for me. And guess what? It may not. I've got to be ready for that. And I am. And I'm still busy with great things to do.

Just wage your fucking mission. Go.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-05-16T01:46:37+00:00

I worked night shift at Meijers stocking shelves and doing data entry for $7.00 / hour AFTER I passed the bar. It only lasted for a month because by then I had enough business on the side from court appointed work to quit- and that is how I started my law practice.

Make it a point to visit every judge in the area in your spare time and hand out your card to everyone you meet. Spend as much time as possible in lawyer garb (aka a suit) even when you are not in court. It doesn't take much business to make a little profit if you have no overhead. EVERYBODY has a legal fuck up they need fixing and it is just a matter of undercutting the competition and keeping your costs well below your revenue. Once you have that and health insurance and cash flow figured out it is all downhill. Don't forget to hit up the probate and juvenile court judges right away! They don't have enough attorneys to handle all the Guardian Ad Litem assignments.

Next, call the nearby attorneys and have a SHORT conversation. Introduce yourself as a new attorney in the area looking to do whatever needs to get done, process serving, research and writing, filing documents, drafting pleadings, answering discovery, court appearances, covering depositions, I am there if you need me for anything. Do you have any idea how many $1200-$10,000 cases that some law firms reject or let slip through the cracks?

People want an ALPHA for their lawyer. He is going to solve their problem for them and take charge of the situation. That has to be your posture at all times. If you don't know the answer to a specific question tell your friend/family member you can look it up for $200.00.

TLDR: Fuck getting a job. Hang your shingle.

hangingbanana · 2017-05-14T13:17:46+00:00

Simple...go get some money. Do what you have to do. Maintain the frame of a hunter gather. Your motivation is not being a beta cuck.

[deleted] · 2017-05-15T12:03:37+00:00

You have a jurist doctorate? You can find something to do in the meantime. Can you work as a paralegal? Bicycle courier? Pizza Delivery Guy? Who care just bring in some revenue?

JDRoedell · 2017-05-15T12:47:25+00:00

Lot of good advice here but the most important thing is to have a plan. in the words of Harvey Keitel (sp?) to McConaghey's character in U-571, I'm paraphrasing but it was "The captain always knows. Don't ever say again those words you just said in front of them....those three words (I don't know) will kill a crew."

I was jobless for a longer than ideal time after college. About 15 years ago now. My girlfriend (now wife) tested me relentlessly. Sometimes with really vitriolic, mean shit like yelling at me about why I couldn't get a real job like all our other friends. The wheels of hypergamy were in motion. I ended up taking a series of "dead end" "non-career" type jobs (delivery driver, manual labor, etc) until my application process to grad schools was complete. Got the degree I wanted and eventually my dream job from that. Took 10 years to get there but I had a vision, a plan and drive to make it happen. She followed me around the country on three different moves in pursuit of my goals. At the time I didn't understand but now, knowing what I know, I know she did it because I was following MY mission and goals. She even said to me one time something to the effect of; that she found it attractive that I was so driven to achieve this.

Don't say those three words. Have a plan

Aechzen · 2017-05-18T23:04:30+00:00

During this tough time how do I maintain frame?

Time when you're not job hunting and studying is spent improving your body. You'll exhaust yourself in a good way, and be better for it.

Your job search is best spent networking with people you know who have jobs. You probably had some kind of legal training. You probably know some people. They probably know other people. Now is not the time to hide the fact that you are looking for a job from the people who can potentially let you know about jobs. Past a certain point in your career, most of your job leads come from your network.

If you can't afford a gym you pick up heavy things. You can put sand in a bag and lift it. Sand is free. Bags are free. Lifting is free.

Take your kid to the park sometimes too. Make the best of the fact that you're home.

Track your job search, on a spreadsheet or multiple spreadsheets. Make a list of potential employers, and search their jobs. Make a list of jobs you have already applied to, who you might know there, and when you are following up.

Vesperous · 2017-05-14T11:37:57+00:00

Start making money other ways as you look for a job. Either start a website for legal advice or join one. Start a blog, start making YouTube videos that entice viewers to read a book you wrote. Basically, study for that exam like crazy because licensed lawyers make a lot of money. But in the meantime, you have many ways you can make money online thankfully due to us being in the digital age. Maintain frame simply by being absolutely fine with what happened and at most just tell her that you are fixing it. You must work hard but you can certainly hold frame. I believe in you.

Title	How to maintain frame while unemployed?
Author	igtr13
Upvotes	19
Comments	42
Date	May 14, 2017 11:10 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6b3dy4/how_to_maintain_frame_while_unemployed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/how-to-maintain-frame-while-unemployed.198827 https://theredarchive.com/post/198827

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