I took a trip to OH for about a week. Got away, went hiking, shooting, mountain biking, and hit up some local bars and made some new friends. I'm not going to say it was empowering, but I definitely feel I was able to clear my head from all the bullshit that has been going on, and I've been feeling. In my last post, I was really down in the dumps, and that's what I wrote. So imagine what I was actually going through. I felt fucking worthless, and I'm angry at myself for letting a female make me feel like that.

Today, I feel a lot more clear headed. The trip helped me see that my ONEitis was bullshit, it helped me realize my ex was also shit to me and held me back. I began to value a lot more who I am and what I have to offer as a person, as opposed to monetary or superficial things that Miami(where I live) tends to bring. I met a bunch of dudes that were literally clueless about women and life. It's mind boggling that they have been able to stay in such LTRs. But I realized that it's most likely because of the lack of available men(and women). They have literally the opposite problem us guys have in Miami where hypergamy runs rampant.

I have 3 plates going right now that I keep as casual friends and they're cool with it. But more importantly, I have the time to keep working out, studying, reading and working on closing on my new apartment that I'm purchasing.

I've made substantial gains in the gym, and I've noticed that theres a significance difference in the way that I walk, and the way that people perceive me. I also tend to not even look around as much and notice people, where as before I would stare at everyone and even feel self conscious. There were days I went into the gym, and I felt like so much shit, I wanted to throw up. But I never not went.

I've been meal prepping, spending lots of time with my dog, while reading for my next certification that's needed for my promotion. I find myself caring less and less about women. It's no longer important, or as important to find a good girl. Because I've begun to find happiness in the things that I like doing, and in my own company.

As I go through this progress however, I need to remind myself to not fall back into the beta mindset of wanting "real love." In the past I've taken this journey of self rebuilding, and of course when you're looking great and feeling confident the women pour in. You feel like you're set, and get complacent. They have all the dread in the world, because of the female attention they see you getting. But as soon as you stop working out as hard, letting yourself go, forgetting to lead and do the things you want to do because they make you happy, and instead begin to do the things they want to do. The OI begins to recede because of the lack of attention you're getting externally, and the lack of fulfillment you feel in your own life. You see, knowing what I know now because of RP, I can't ever be ok in any relationship that isn't a RP type of relationship. That's kind of the curse/blessing I've taken on.

I've received some serious tough love here and I appreciate every ounce of it. I'm no where near where I want to be, but at least I'm not waking up any more unable to get out of bed, along with other things I've mentioned above. Thanks.