Sisyphus and his boulder, waves on the shore, call it what you will. Roller coaster I had it named, even had a song dedicated to that feeling (blink182 anyone?). Not long ago it felt like I was riding it for a good 10 years.

 

"Welcome and thank you for choosing to ride The Agonizer. Please wait until the doors open and then board. Loose items like hats, your balls, and books professing how to deal with the femenine imperative should be stored in the bins provided and can be collected at the completion of the ride."

 

I'd start at the bottom, asking (yes asking) for sex. Rejections came and I felt like it's going to require some effort to climb this hill. So I went at it, gifts, chores, any kind of self sacrifice and covert contract felt like it should be getting me closer to that thrill I wanted. 'Have I bled enough for you babe? You turned on?' Chinka Chinka Chinka up the hill and when that didn't work I got mad, the hill is steep and my blood pressure is high. Surely a man angry that he cant lay his own wife will make her want him right? No? Fine! Then I'll just hold out...I could hold out longer than her right? Plus it's easier than sacrifice, easier than being mad. The hill is leveling out. But still no rush. So I'd crawl back, "hey honey let's have a talk about my feelings". Oh look monthly pity sex wheeeee down the hill what fun....right?

 

"Roller coaster favorite ride, let me kiss you one last time." My god, just listen to those lyrics. Like really, these types of songs used to be MY kind of song, you know the one, that makes you go 'yeah this songs all about me'. While they are still in my rotation, they really are kind of painful to listen to now. I have debated NOT listening to them anymore just because I don't want their mantra to infect my progress so far. Id like to hear MRP's opinion on this. But for now I still have them playing and reflect on them as 'this is what I used to think, no wonder I ended up in the rutt I did. I thought this was how life worked.'

 

Okay lots of rambling but what's the point? Point is many-fold. 1) Look at what influences you in your life. Be it music, TV, internet. If you're sitting at home watching Real Housewives or Say Yes to the Dress...ok that's extreme if you're watching those go get help. If you're watching Big Bang Theory or Modern Family where weak male characters have their blue pull on display and the wife or female characters are in charge/milking the blue pill from them, do a double check and make sure that mantra is not leaching into your life. I'm not deeply religious but it's along the same lines as "if your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you" for it is better to lose one part of your life than for your whole life to be a living hell.

 

Wow where the hell did we end up? Back to the amusement park.

 

(The coaster pulls into the station)

Me: That was nice, I'd like to just do the hill part again please, cut out all that other stuff.

(The operator, who kind of looks like my wife, gives an eye roll, followed by an all clear thumbs up and tugs a lever, the coaster starts heading to the hill again)

Me: Nooooooooooooo

 

10 years. The lap bars never lifted, the coaster never stopped. 10 years before I reach over and find a book, no, a compendium of books and articles under the seat next to me describing how to become a man with drive, with passion, and who can stand strong as a seawall as the tide rushes in and waves crash. 'I've seen these before.' I think. 'In bits and pieces...but they said I shouldn't have these on the ride, so I threw them off. But now reading them, they make so much sense.'

 

So I go a bunch of times around the track (a month per trip about), so engrossed with the reading and applying to my life, not even really worried about the hills and thrills. Then I look up, I'm at the station, the ride has stopped, the lap bar is up. I can't believe it. Freedom! Freedom to do what I want now! I can go IDGAF on the lazy river and it feels great!  I can lift...the hammer and swing it down to ring the carnival bell and it feels great! I can get new clothes, shades, and a haircut which will baffle my wife just enough to think 'is that him?' as I announce "dispatch" into the intercom, pull the lever, and send my wife Chinka Chinka up the hill because now SHE GOT ON THE COASTER. That's right kiddies, I've experienced it twice so far, and check recent posts by Sepean and stonepimpletilists and you'll see the pattern too. The wife will see this new you, she'll deny you've changed. Then play a woe-is-me card. Then try and outlast you. THEN TAKE THE GLOVES OFF AND HAVE A MINI EVENT (which brings me to 2) PUSH THROUGH THIS! This is where doubt will creep in! This is where you'll be tempted to fall back in line. 'Did i go too far? Should i go comfort?' PUSH THROUGH THIS, and weeeeee you'll have such a great time railing her bathing in your success and her juices AND THEN!.....she'll think the ride is over. Ha!

 

 She will get on the coaster gentlemen and you have to have the fortitude to push through her crap, and send her on another lap until she realizes you want the hills, she wants the hills, and she controls how much shit is in between. It's one of the wackiest things I've seen where a woman is flying off the handle one minute and then merely HOURS later is telling me to fuck her harder. Literally my life has never been as fulfilling and my mood been so happy and stable as it is right now.

 

"You said it couldn't be done, told me that it's the kind of battle that just couldn't be won, you know. You're too sick, too hard, too fucked in the head. You'll never make it, no, not in this lifetime. Well guess again my friend..."

 

Ah that's a little more inspirational. Studying PUA texts now because I want to have the ability to easily talk to women when I go out. First exercises are to lock eyes with women anywhere and keep them locked when she looks, and crack a a sly grin. Whether things with the wife are working or not this is my current goal. Im doing it for me. If need be however, if she needs another push then I'll be dropping (going to give credit to theultimatecad on this one for posting it first but this is what I think when I'm blasting this song) "plates on your ass bitch, plates on your ass. We'll here I come I'm droppin plates, im droppin plates..." (Disturbed...no? Bah, what are people listening to nowadays)