Even after significant success internalizing RP (5 months), wife is not budging from her unmotivated, married with kids decline. Met my wife in high school, we were so drawn to each other sexually and our personalities clicked. We dated all through college and truly were as close to ‘in love’ (if that’s what you want to call it) as it gets.

I believe love itself is a constructed concept in our society, but whatever biological, emotional, and instinctual elements need to exist for two people to work - we had it. I realize that I am lucky in this respect. It is rare to sustain for a long period of time and we had to work at it sometimes.

We were both friends and fuck buddies through the last year of HS and then went on to finish our undergrad degrees together. We lived together at that time and become more exclusive; we split bills, and helped each other finish our degrees. We had our issues with infidelity (on both sides) and serious arguments at times. We were young and in college… We would have a blowout and think we were over, but then it usually resulted in rough, crazy sex for the rest of the day and it’s amazing how quick that makes you forget about all your problems.

Fast forward a bit, I work in finance at a large global company. We got married (2010) and its disturbing how almost instantly that changed her attitude. I noticed she didn’t care as much about how she looked. Started heavily shit testing me (I realize they were shit tests now). I focus on work and getting us into a nice house. I did. I genuinely wanted to start a family with her. Our son was born in 2013, He is 2 now. She is a great mom, but I can see the complete switch happening. Her focus is on being a mom only. Also couch, Facebook and Real Housewives come in second (oh, and a drink in her hand at all times). She even stopped shaving her pussy. This drives me nuts – ‘it itches when it grows back,’ she complains… Now, I realize there is a transition to being a parent (I’m going through it too), especially for a woman, but it’s been two years now and I am trying to lead our family in a different direction than this shit. She has gained around 30 lbs since we got married.

Now, there are things that are great about her – she is an incredible cook for one. She even considered culinary school for a while. Last night we had braised pork tenderloin in a sage and rosemary wine sauce with a salad, made from scratch dressing. This shit is ridiculous. She cooks, sets the table and cleans up the kitchen usually with little help from me. She enjoys doing it. Also, she is not completely closed off sexually. We go at it once a week in a good month. She has some kind of an anal fetish and likes to watch anal porn scenes and tells me about it. I’ll admit I haven’t fully explored it. Usually, I can only get a finger in and some dirty talk about it and she doesn’t let me go further. The sex frequency is not enough though and she definitely tries to use it to control me. I have been putting a stop to this, but I’ll admit in the past she got the best of me here. OI still has mixed results, she seems fine with just going back to her glass of wine while I take the dog for a run or go down to the bar for a while.

I have been lifting 3 days a week, long runs with our dog. He is a beast. I dress sharp (have to for my job also), I handle all the finances, I have been scheduling dates for us to go out, babysitter, the whole deal. I’ve had some success just taking sex from her. She seemed to like it, but the next day she was back to her lazy shit and would reject me if I was off my game. I also have made a point to meet up with friends on my own. I am going to a baseball game out of town with some guys in a couple weeks. Didn’t consult her, just did it, informed her of it – I’ll be back late… This got a reaction from her. She cried later that night and said she was concerned because we had always done things ‘together’ and she wants to go to a game with me too… I responded straight forward with – ‘it’s good for both of us to have friends and do stuff outside the house, you should too.’ She said I was her only friend she wants to hang out with.. This is what I feel has happened. I’ve been ‘friend-zoned’ by my own wife and she doesn’t think it’s a problem.

Dread has had mixed results also – example – went to a wedding. Large wedding… I lifted that morning, got dressed up, felt good, and was ready to get drunk and have a good time. I was approached twice by girls trying to dance and asking where I’m from (it’s crazy the wedding ring doesn’t even phase these girls, I don’t have to tell you guys) She noticed, but no response. However, there was a bartender there - tight young girl, probably 22-23. I hit on her a little right away, because why not… I made some joke about the annoying couple ahead of me that needed some crazy Hawaiian slammer drink that no one knows how to make, teased her about her running around confused. She asked me if I was from blah blah, because she thought she recognized me from blah blah (IOI?). ‘Really, I feel like we’ve met before,’ told me her name… I guess beer and wine were free but mixed drinks you had to pay. She made me gin and tonics all night for free. The people at our table were pissed because they had been paying. I honestly assumed it was all free until they said something. My wife went up to get a drink and mentioned that she needed one of those ‘free gins’ only I was getting. She said ‘oh, that one was your husband!?” Another free drink. Whether this bartender was interested or not, it drove her nuts. She couldn’t wait to get home and clothes came right off. When I was about to finish she turned and stuck her tongue out. She even said it tasted good and licked up the rest from her chin. She has never said anything like that in our entire relationship before. Dread is king.

Besides that night, I can’t mark any real progress in seeing her following my lead. I want to set a different example for my son and our life. Couch and TV are not the goal of my life. She needs to lose her baby weight and get back into shape or I’m concerned about having another kid with her. She would be very overweight if she got pregnant now… Besides the outward appearance, I don’t want her to have health issues in the future.. .diabetes, knee pain, back pain. She already complains about her back constantly. I’m over it. I want to be healthy and keep up with our kids, encourage them to live active lifestyles…

Am I expecting too much too soon, 5 months in? Are there areas I should accelerate and push and areas I should be patient with? I will say that over the past years she has gotten into a workout kick during the summer when, I’m assuming, the swimsuit comes out and the realization of her weight hits her a little harder...she loses 10 lbs or so but it never lasts.. Should I be direct? Should I start giving ultimatums? Her motivation and energy is so low and I’m starting to get turned off... I don’t want to let it continue...