If a woman says she needs an emotional connection first in order to have sex with you, she's not physically attracted to you.

In a relationship where the woman's attraction is primarily emotional, she will only have sex when that emotional connection is perfect. Any fluctuation or imperfection in that emotional connection, and she will suddenly feel repelled by you because there is no underlying physical / real sexual desire on her part for you. Any lack of sex life will be promptly blamed on that 'emotional connection' or life circumstances not being perfect and becomes the man's fault by default, who in turn feels like he's walking on eggshells and has to negotiate sex throughout.

Anything the husband/boyfriend does or says that is not as per the expectation or whim becomes a reason for not wanting to have sex. Any nuisance and stressors of life like work, kids, weather, chores become a cause for not wanting to have sex.

However, when the man is physically attractive, the sex life can transcend life circumstances and ups and downs in the emotional connection, because the woman now sees sex as her own need, a means to release the stresses of life, and most importantly, a tool to mend imperfections in the emotional bond.

In the professional world, we call this the Herzberg’s two-factor motivation theory, which says that when you're not intrinsically motivated to do your job and don't enjoy the work you're doing, you blame the hygiene factors - work environment, company culture, HR policies, cafeteria food, air conditioning, and bad seating arrangement.

Many women in long term relationships are not intrinsically motivated (physically attracted) to have sex with their partners so they blame the hygiene factors (emotional connection and life situations) for their lack of interest. This is a very uncomfortable and hard thing for men to accept.

And its really astonishing how this suboptimal model of sex within relationships is dishonestly presented as the default and virtuous one. When women say things like "Relationships are more than sex" and "sex is a low priority in relationships", its more of a distraction from the real reason which is lack of real physical attraction to their husbands.

When a woman breaks up with or divorces a man she was primarily only emotionally attracted to, she will look back on the sex with disgust and feel as if she wasted her sexual energy and her body on a man she wasn't even attracted to. Because the sex was based on an emotional bond rather than physical attraction / real sexual desire, viewing that sex in retrospect in absence of that emotional bond now makes her disgusted. This does not happen when a woman breaks up with men she's physically attracted to and the sex still elicits fond memories.

To take the concept further, when a man feigns relationship interest and fakes an emotional connection just to get laid, women feel like they've been r*ped and violated because the man was not physically attractive enough to justify having sex as recreation. The part that they really hate about this is not the "hurt feelings", but the man taking advantage of a loophole... a lower physical attractiveness bar for relationships to get something (recreational sex) that only very good looking men deserve. Let that sink in