Ok, so I was talking to my friend that I write about sometimes about frame and how frame works. From what I've posted you guys seem to agree he has pretty weak frame. Problem is he hasn't really officially started to unplug but he's pretty fed up with how his life is going so he's receptive. He's working through NMMNG as of today. I advised him not to talk to his wife about it as her dad is a typical nice guy and the title alone would cause enough drama for my buddy.

We've talked about holding frame and how important it is. He asked me via email a pretty good question. "What are the root contributing factors that cause me to be bad at holding frame?" I thought this was an interesting idea to ponder in general. And I jotted down some ideas in my journal. Here's what I came up with. It's basically some troubleshooting I laid out for him. Thought I'd share.

1.) General Lack of Confidence and believing your word has no value.

Are you asking others answers to questions you already know the answers to? Do you fear that things you know to be a hard truth will somehow be false if you state them out loud? Do you fear that somehow by acting in your own interest will mean you've failed those around you? Can you stand by your choices after you make them? Or do you go back and change everything after some light prodding and questioning?

2.) Lack of Self Ownership

Do you actually expect more from others then you do for yourself? Do you hold others to a higher standard then you expect from yourself? Do you believe yourself to be ultimately not responsible for what happens in your world?

3.) Pressure Response Error

Are you overreacting to anxiety? Do you internalize it as self doubt instead of seeing it as a cue to take action? Do you freeze when you should take action? Do you open your mouth when it's better to shut up and let them think about what they just said in silence? Are you breaking from frame due to either jumping the gun or not taking action at the correct time?

4.) Drunk Captain

Did you fall asleep at the wheel? Did you get lazy with how you deal with others? Did your vanishing self awareness give way to a complete lack of action? Do you have to get violently shaken awake before you take any kind of action? Are you in the moment? Are you paying attention to what's going on around you? Its your ship, are you going to let it crash into the rocks?

5.) Ego Override

Has your ego hijacked the show? If the ego is in complete control, isn't your frame just theoretical? Do you believe listening to the ego actually allows you to live in reality? Are you able to actually assess the situation in front of you if looking through the lens of the ego? If your frame is ego driven are you making meaningful change or just protecting the projected self identity the ego gives you?

6.) You are just weak

Do you think weak thoughts? Do you believe lies about yourself? Is it possible you want to be weak? Does being weak bring about any kind of meaningful change? Or do you embrace being weak to avoid any personal responsibility?

(I took care to frame it all as questions instead of statements because I know he's just starting to unplug. And just making statements will bring resistance. He told me after he read this he thinks he has a serious problem with pride (ego most likely). He wants to hang out later and run some questions by me. We'll see how it goes.)

I decided to post this because I thought it might help some people. And it's always good to get other eyes on something to see if you missed anything or if any of it can use some tweaking.