Do other men feel like this?

MiddleAgeFrosting · 2024-05-30T04:12:30+00:00

I feel exactly that. You realize that no one is in your corner except you. I certainly have gone through phases of ruminating on it, and using alcohol to quiet that voice. Right now I’m just focusing on my loving son, and doing things that when I wake up in the morning I can be proud of. Best wishes man.

Poly_and_RA · 2024-05-30T14:09:03+00:00

Sometimes yes. This feeling was one of the worst parts of the toughest period of my life, back when I was a student in the start of my twenties.

There's a pervasive feeling that men are valuable and worth paying attention to if we are USEFUL. That is, if there's something we can *do* for others. But also that we're not really worth paying attention to as human beings unless we're in some sense useful.

Of course there's a subjective element to such feelings, but there's a lot of data-points pointing towards at least a core of truth to such feelings. As an example, about 80% of the people who are found dead more than a week after their death; are men. In other words the people who lack ANY social ties strong enough that it's noticed, and someone starts worrying if they fall off the planet.

For too many men, a romantic partner is the ONLY person close enough to care in that kinda way; and that means if you ain't got a romantic partner, well then you've got (to a first approximation) nothing.

I don't think this is the complete truth or anything. The situation isn't nearly that dire. I'm just saying, yes I can relate to the feeling, and while the feeling might in at least many cases be exaggerated, there's a core of truth to it. We as a society *do* tend to care just a bit less.

Mainstream society is worst in this; many minorities of various kinds are a lot better at taking care of each other. Myself I've noticed this after I discovered that I'm both autistic and polyamorous -- in both subcultures I've found a lot of strong social networks between people who genuinely care deeply about each other despite NOT being romantic partners.

I'm in a happier place now. 4 people have told me at some point in the last week that they love me; and only 2 of those are partners of mine. (I realize that "only" might not be the best word here, but I thought about it and couldn't think of a better one)

More and stronger human connections might be *the* single most important thing for mental health and well-being. It's that crucial.

kenbrucedmr · 2024-05-30T08:52:42+00:00

Hey man,

I'm glad you got those 2 great responses. I just want to slightly complement them. I'm glad you are starting to think about yourself. You are also important, even if you didn't do a great job, which you do. Somewhat related: If dealing with all those things while being a great dad is being a loser, I wish I was a loser.

Silvercake95 · 2024-05-31T19:12:21+00:00

I have to give you props on this post. It's very articulate. There's a book which is written for women by a women on a healthy marriage. It's called " The proper care and feeding of Husband" by Laura Schlessinger. It points out the exact same thing related to your post. But not many women understand men and their feelings because women assume men should behave in a certain way. You can read that book it's really good.

Mordock420 · 2024-06-16T19:38:25+00:00

Amen. You’re not alone.

JustTheSpecsPlease · 2024-05-30T05:24:10+00:00

This is what's missing from an credible "men's movement." Women have been very effective in creating unrequited support for each other.

We need to do the same -- resist diminishing our fellow guys, and cover each other's asses.

Nice work, u/Plus_Ad_4041. Seriously. Family court can slap you around, and it's very easy to just give up. You're vertical, you're productive, and you refuse to give up. You deserve some backup. Stay at it, mister.

We all need to take better care of each other.

Crunch-Potato · 2024-06-02T13:24:56+00:00

I won't vent to my kids because I want them to be happy.

This is to an extent a great, so they don't have to carry their dads burdens.
But then they also might hit the hard days, and now they also don't have someone they can confide in because everyone else seems to be doing great all the time.
So in the end you pass on the torch of not having people to open up with.

Title	Do other men feel like this?
Author	Plus_Ad_4041
Upvotes	32
Comments	13
Date	May 30, 2024 3:37 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/1d3us6o/do_other_men_feel_like_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/do-other-men-feel-like-this.1520009 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520009

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