~ archived since 2018 ~

female spaces hostility

May 30, 2022

I’ve always wanted to join spaces alien to me to see the difference and learn things. I like meeting people from different backgrounds - class, ethnic etc. It’s only as I’ve got older I’ve realised how much of a minority I am in to think this way. Soooo many people (majority I think genuinely) want to stay in their own groups.

I’ve always wanted (still want) to be friends with women and join female spaces just to learn. A whole group brought up, socialised different to me. Does that fascinate people? Apparently not but to me it does. Because then I can learn stuff and be like oh ok I should take this and that away. Or ok that side is terrible let’s not do that.

It’s always fascinated me how segregated men and women are. Even as a kid literally all the boys played football and all the girls did knitting at school. Idk…I would have liked both but obvs I did football because my friends did (+football is bloody amazing and I encourage all boys to play more and not do boxing/rugby/fighting sports...but that’s just me).

I also don’t mind a bit of gossip about people. I like receiving compliments. Men generally do neither. I do envy how much girls compliment one another for eg. But truth is I still don’t know what they talk about and what goes on that makes us so segregated. Not like us men chat about male only stuff so what’s the big difference??

But female spaces seem to be really hostile from my experience. Excluding me from conversation for eg.

Is it that old thing of men are sex crazed oppressive class? So they don’t trust us? A good portion of us do just want to be friends but they can be so hostile I just give up on that now. Idk. Maybe i’m too young and naive.

I feel like with male spaces this is rarer. It’s less hard for women to join the conversation.


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Post Information
Title female spaces hostility
Author rochesterslim
Upvotes 20
Comments 10
Date May 30, 2022 6:04 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]mule_roany_mare 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Strangely enough /askmen has the the best women on reddit & they are all perfectly willing to have faithful conversations with men as their peers.

Keep your head up & keep looking for good people, they are out there.

[–]EvilSapphire 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is put into words what I've always intuitively felt. An all women's circle is far less welcoming to a man than the other way around, and I believe it comes from the female bias of viewing ordinary men as the dangerous 'other' until they do something to prove otherwise. I've also seen women's only circle which I have been a part of objectify men (in whatever way) a lot more than men only circles doing the same to women, especially when a woman is present. I get really envious to see women fluently exchange compliments, appreciation in social situations because I can recognise I'm not allowed to so the same, at least definitely not to the same degree because the act would be seen as emasculating, which I think is a seriously oppressive gender role that is forced on men that goes largely unnoticed. Compliments, physical affection have demonstrable effects on mental well being, and I do think being a man closes off those avenues for you, a huge privilege women simply take for granted. Men are allowed opportunities, but they aren't allowed the freedom how to feel about those opportunities or their accomplishments (getting too excited is emasculating, getting too angry is dangerous, the only acceptable state is a vague stoicness etc).

Also, I hope you're having a great day and don't forget wherever you are in your life, you're more awesome than you're giving yourself credit for! Cheers!

[–]ImNotAPersonAnymore 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women compliment each other but they don’t really mean it. It’s just the way they socialize. Males socialize by insulting each other but they also don’t really mean it.

[–]Iceman_Hottie 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are things that are easier to keep within a gender group and having a person of the opposite gender present can destroy the necessary dynamic for the desired effect. This is instinctual. So leave them be.

One of the reasons such spaces are needed for men is because often women who find out about the insecurities of the men in their lives will on instinct destroy them. It's a combination of several instincts and crucially a lack of skill in self control and a lack of habit of creating a theory of mind (putting them selves in others "shoes"). Not an absolute, but more often than not its best to be safe than sorry.

[–]ImNotAPersonAnymore 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure, all-male groups are “welcoming” of females compared to the other way around, but is it the type of welcoming they really want? If they just wanted to be treated like one of the dudes, good luck. All the males will start competing for her attention and the group dynamics will change.

It’s the same for all-female groups. Unless you’re incredibly gay, the females are gonna feel sexually judged. Men and women treat each other differently than their own sex. It’s dumb and pretty low IQ imo but that’s the way it is.

[–]quentinislive 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]rochesterslim[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yes. i’m from the UK so also football=soccer. my primary school was great but probs a bit weird.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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