I’m working at home since 3 years ago. We were announced in middle of February that we could be laid off or having to start working on other projects at work. So I started talking with a work colleague and asked her out. She mentioned that she recently broke up with her bf of 5 years.We kept in touch for about 2 weeks before finally seeing each other. I didn’t know where we’re heading , but it was cristal clear she only sees me as a friend. I’m not sure if the age difference mattered, since I’ll be 36 in a month , and she is 25. In the week after our date I tried at least maintain a friendship relationship , because I didn’t wanna lose her entirely. She said she still has hopes with her ex, although she isn’t certain 100%. One of the reasons for breaking up were that she was an active Christian and him not so much.

We were talking a lot in those two weeks , and now I know for sure she has me on mute because she answers my messages way later than I sent them. Tbh, I was upset about not matching up. But it was a bit deeper than that. I don’t really get much chances to bound with someone. I live in a small town, where I have no friends. So meeting through acquintances is not gonna happen. I’m also from Romania just to put my situation into perspective. We don’t exactly have bars here to hook up. We have clubs. I can’t just go by myself there though. In my early 20’s, it used to be easier to ask girls out. Although not even then, I didn’t have a too long relationship with anyone. Then, stuf happened, and didn’t keep a job for a long time, started college at 28, that I finished in the meantime. Women also seem to have different standards from me now. Standards I don’t think I can comply to. I’m not looking for younger women. Just that I still hope to have kids and be married.

Maybe I should have done more when I was younger. Or perhaps it could happen to not form a relationship and I can console myself with that thought. I have really gotten into yoga, meditating and exercising. They help with my depression and anxiety. I was also drinking too much alcohol and manage to cut it off now. I get so isolated sometimes. A gf won’t cure all my loneliness, but it will make me feel like I’m somewhere in life.