I was on a hike today. Feeling shit and hiking helps. I went and “sat” down at one of my favourite spots. Sat as in squatting because snow. I was alone, nobody was out. It was heavy snowing. It was beautiful and peaceful.

I was passively suicidal but the thought of intentionally killing my self wasn’t on my mind. It was just thoughts of “hope I slip on the ice and smash my skull and die.” (It was very icy, I got crampons though) I wasn’t going to kill myself I was just taking care of my mental health, the only plan I had was to feel better. But considering an outside perspective I see why they thought that. Because the spot I was sitting was on a steep drop into a frozen lake. I probably lookt distressed and deeply contemplating because I was, but I wasn’t contemplating jumping off I was working through my shit mental state, contemplating helpful things and enjoying the scenery, solitude and the music in my headphones.

2 strangers ended up coming, I thought they’d continue walking but they stoppt me to ask if I’m okay. I said I’m fine and then went back to staring at the view and listening to music. I thought that was nice they cared to ask made me feel a bit better. They walkt away. Thought they’d leave. I lookt to my side a couple times in the direction they went and saw them standing there (far, but close enough to watch me). Couldn’t tell if they were looking at me or not cuz I got bad eyesight. Shrugged it off. I sat there for 20 more minutes and a couple times I lookt over and saw them still there , wondering now if I concerned them and They were looking out for me but shrugged it off probably not .

When I finally got up and started hiking again they finally left! They stayed 20 whole minutes watching me a complete stranger to make sure I was OK! That’s hard to believe and makes me feel weird in a good way. It’s pleasant surprise some humans care, care enough to go out of their way and stay to make sure I don’t kill my self, and to a stranger that’d never impact their lives if I did jump. If I jumped it wouldn’t affect them at all. I mean nothing to them, i give them nothing, I’m a stranger who’s useless to them. They wouldn’t have even known if I did jump. They’d never hear about it. They cared anyway. It’s really weird but good. Sharing this so hopefully it makes you too feel a little better about the state of this world.