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The past is a struggle

August 15, 2021

Guys I'm struggling today. When I was a kid I was molested by several men in my family. Rationally I realize it was not my fault, but then on the other hand I'm pissed that I never said anything to anyone. This was taking a toll on my sex life so I just recently told my wife last year. Just needing some encouragement I guess.

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Post Information
Title The past is a struggle
Author Ilargi_Urdina
Upvotes 21
Comments 10
Date August 15, 2021 1:29 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
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[–]Arguesovereverythin 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. I haven't been in the same situation, but I know how hopeless it feels when you realize how your past contributed to so many mistakes in previous relationships. It sounds like you were able love someone despite all of those challenges and I'm really happy for what you have accomplished.

Question - do you have a professional support system that works for you? Think of it this way: What happened to you as a child fucked you up pretty bad. Getting those men out of your life stops you from getting injured again, but that doesn't mean your trauma will heal on it's own. Family and friends will rarely have the expertise to set the broken bones that abuse can cause. In your case, you may not have had appropriate treatment right away. Maybe things didn't heal properly? You need a specialist that can individually tailor a plan to help you fully recover.

What do you think about setting up some time with a therapist or counselor?

[–]Ilargi_Urdina[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Appreciate your words. I think I am going to look into seeing a therapist on this. Although I'm not sure I'm ready to relive all of the crap that might come out.

[–]dirtyredsweater 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A good therapist will help at a pace with which you can handle.. A bad one will re-traumatize you

[–]Arguesovereverythin 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please let us know how it goes.

[–]a-man-from-earth 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You were a kid. This stuff is complicated. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

[–]Ilargi_Urdina[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think I will speak with someone.

[–]MrElderwood 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

May I tentatively suggest that you read a little on cPTSD? The 'c' stands for 'complex' and is a trauma based problem that, more often than not, is based in childhood. It is distinct from PTSD.

Although my childhood experiences involved abuse, it was not sexual. My heart goes out to you on that score. However, reading about cPTSD made so much sense to me in terms of symptoms and the effect it has had on my life - which has been frankly crippling, for 39 years.

Labels 'can' sometimes be useful, if the are used positively, like to assist diagnosis. Here's where I started my reading, I hope you get some relief from the knowledge, friend. If it's not appropriate to you, then at least it's something you can rule out.

[–]Ilargi_Urdina[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

WOW just WOW. This was incredible to read. There is so much to dissect in this read but it is so enlightening. Thank you for sharing this!

[–]MrElderwood 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are very welcome.

It seems you got as much from this article as I did, which is great!

I really believe that only by knowing our 'demons' can we have any chance of 'beating' them. Knowledge is power, and that power may just enable you to find the treatment and/or the answers you need.

I sincerely hope you can find some relief and peace soon.

Take care ;)

[–]Naboo_the_enigma 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

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