was I abused?

50BucksForThat · 2022-06-10T11:19:46+00:00

It sounds like abuse to me.

There isn't a fixed criteria for what "abuse" is, but there's a lot of common themes, and there doesn't need to be rigid definition IMO.

The important thing is the impacts abuse has. If you feel like that behaviour impacted you, you should seek help - from family, friends, professionals as appropriate. Don't minimise it, don't say "yeah, I panic at loud voices now, but some people have things worse than me". It's not a competition, it's a process of being the best version of you that's achievable at the time.

Sometimes the effect of abuse is just to make the recipient think "I'll never allow myself to do [that thing which abuser did]". That's not nothing either.

a-man-from-earth · 2022-06-10T13:13:59+00:00

Definitely abuse.

Metrodomes · 2022-06-10T17:48:11+00:00

It's abusive behaviour, and I'd call it abuse. He had anger issues that went unaddressed so it sounds like all he knew what to do was to be angry and aggressive. Not sure how old you were, but no kid needs that. No adult needs that either, but as a kid, you're still figuring things out and you'd hope that family can be peoppe who you'll trust and respect you and my make you feel like crap every day. I don't blame younger you for crying alot, I would have done too.

Alot of our elders thought 'tough love' is the way to raise a son. There's whole generations of men who have had to grow up with fathers and elders who never showed them love. Part of that might come from their upbringing and the stuff they had to go through shaping who they are as a person, so if you know what his history was like you could maybe understand why he became that way. But that doesn't excuse or justify how he treated you. Maybe he was just an angry old man who couldn't think about how you felt, maybe he thought he was doing the right thing and toughening you up, who knows. Either way, he hurt you. He shouldn't have done that. Even if he thought you needed toughening up or some toxic bullshit, you do that by love and respect and support, but anger and aggression.

You shouldn't have been treated that way. I'm sorry you went through that.

Title	was I abused?
Author	Fast-Mongoose-4989
Upvotes	11
Comments	4
Date	June 10, 2022 10:26 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/v94ozq/was_i_abused/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/was-i-abused.1116552 https://theredarchive.com/post/1116552

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