Advice

Arcanisia · 2022-02-07T00:47:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AndyBrown65 · 2022-02-07T02:26:44+00:00

Trigger Warning for feminists and SJWs

Marriage is great with the right woman. The trick is knowing which girls/women to avoid. Even if you date, you still out yourself at risk. OK, so at 30 you yourself should be well established in a career and I assume you have no kids on the scene.

My tips/advice (yes, I know I will probably trigger some people)

Avoid women who have a mental health history or have been raped/abused growing up. These women need a lot of help and need support 100%, it's physically and mentally draining. It takes a special person. Are you that person?
Does she have kids? If you're 30, chances are the women you are interested in are maybe 20 to 34. Chances are she has a kid or three. If you don't have kids, it could be a problem. She might be looking for someone stable while her Chad is in the background. No issue if she has kids, but if the ex is hanging around a lot, they had a bitter breakup etc, you need to be aware there will be three in the relationship.If he's a pyscho, best to walk away.
Does she have a good relationship with her father? A standard red flag here. If she hates men or her father in particular, best to leave her to her cats.
Former partners? OK, so it's always interesting to chat to women and find out about their ex partners. If she uses the term "narcissistic" on more than one of them, it's usually a mirror.
Victim Mentality. OK, listen to her talk. Does she carry on like the world owes her a living? Is she is a victim just because she is a woman? Life is not meant to be easy and everyone has a struggle. There's no free lunch so if she wants a free....best to dodge that bullet. If she says "I'm a feminist", you'll know she has a victim mentality.
How well does she get on with other women? Women who cannot get along with other women is a red flag.

Being in a relationship is great, especially if you share common interests and have similar views on life, but, the success of that relationship is a woman's willingness to negotiate and be flexible. If her Princess attitude is "her way or the highway" that's a red flag. There has to be give and take and if she thinks she is always right, then it's time to hump and dump. Remember, you are not a wallet sperm donor on legs. The last thing you want is you to lose over 50% of your assets and then pay child support for a kid you don't see and who has been brainwashed into thinking you're a loser.

Never rush into a relationship. Looks fade and personality only really changes if its linked to looks. The best partner for you is one who has similar interests, similar backgrounds, nice personality and similar ambitions to you. Chose wisely.

Arcanisia · 2022-02-07T08:54:10+00:00

Since I was 14 I vowed never to get married as even back then I could tell there was very little benefit for men. When I was 19 I saw a lot of my male friends getting screwed over by their spouse in the divorce courts and how even unfit mothers wind up with custody.

Do I still date and have sex? Yes, but I strap up every time to avoid having any unwanted kids. I also refuse to move in and prefer to live alone as I don’t want someone nagging me about taking out the trash and my video game playing.

If you want to get married then good luck, but I’m not into that lifestyle.

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2022-02-07T04:06:21+00:00

Get a vasectomy. I got one in August. no probs at all.

Date. It fine if you break up or never get married. you have to date to know what is out there. You'll have a couple of girlfriends.

Give yourself a chance. You are your worst enemy when you tell yourself "no" from the beginning.

Nothing wrong with playing video games and watching TV. When you are in a retirement home, that will be an option. In the meantime, live your life!

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2022-02-07T06:13:14+00:00

This is a copy paste of another of my comments.

"You need to realise that you are complete human being by yourself. You don't need anybody else to complete you. You need to be happy with yourself. If you aren't happy with yourself, nobody else can make you happy. And if you already are happy with yourself, you dont need anybody else to make you happy anyways."

You don't need marriage to be happy. In fact, 50% people who get married end up divorced and broke. Another 15-20% are miserable but cannot divorce due to financial obligations or kids.

Now, there will be lot of pressure or even shaming language used against you. Just learn to deflect it...

I am a pretty introverted person who likes to stay at home and watch old movies and play video games.

You think your wife will approve of it? Or will she nag you or shame you into doing things you don't like?

Do I really want to be a 50 year year old dude alone in my apartment laughing at 90s Nickelodeon shows and playing Super Nintendo

The average duration of marriage in USA is 8 years. So, if you marry at say 40, there is a 50% chance you will end up alone at 50, still laughing at Nikelodeon...albiet with 50% less assets and a monthly CS/alimony payment.

Marriage may work for some people. Possibly for you too. But I think the risk isn't worth the benefits..
And if you make a mistake, the society/family court/even your relatives will not come for your help. (They would gladly help your wife)...
You will be shamed and ridiculed for your choices..

'You should have chosen a better partner'... That's what they will tell you.
The same people who are now pressurizing you for marriage.
If 50% marriages fail, do you really think 50% people choose the wrong partner?

No.. The fundamental institution of marriage is broken. In a way, its impossible to repair.
Just assume that you are abandoning a sinking ship.

You can continue dating. Just be honest about your views on marriage. (Not on first date- but do answer sincerely when asked).. Some women will stay.some will go.
Nobody can force you into marriage. Remember that.

Buddhalove11 · 2022-02-07T07:21:35+00:00

Your better off NOT getting married. Its a trap PERIOD. People misunderstand what marriage actually is. It is an incorporated business partnership that the government owns and WHEN it falls apart you get screwed as a man. Disney and life has been grooming people since childhood into the lie of marriage. If people ACTUALLY understood what it truly was most would never go through with it. Ask yourself this would you ever go into business with this person and if you do are you prepared for when the business fails, you losing everything? Thats the short version of what a marriage truly is. Think for yourself and do yourself a huge favor spare yourself the pain and suffering. Ill say it again, its a trap. Propagated by the church, big corporation and government. Its all bullshit. A pack of lies.

rahsoft · 2022-02-07T11:17:49+00:00

there is a lot to take in here

can I suggest you go to this channel and take in the general discussion and advice( eg watch the videos)?

https://www.youtube.com/c/BetterBachelor

you are generally advised to do your own research and decide for yourself..

but you will find it addresses men some of who wish to date and some that dont wish to( for what ever reason) and where they want to be in the future. You may find many are like minded.

with marriage , you have to ask what benefit it brings you? what will they bring to the table.

sex? lol - thats drops off, if you go to the lead attorney youtube channel he talks about the number of clients he had who were trapped inside a sexless marriage.

companionship? - think of it as a prison cell- would you be ok stuck in a limited space with someone else who might nag you

you also have to watch for domestic abuse - society still has the mentality of men are perps, women are victims..

I consider marriage not to be worth it especially with the legal bias against you, and Ive seen it in multiple countries( even the more "traditional" marriage cultures)

best of luck to you

Rockbottom503 · 2022-02-07T15:12:56+00:00

Do I really want to be a 50 year year old dude alone in my apartment laughing at 90s Nickelodeon shows and playing Super Nintendo?

Beats being a divorced 50 year old, constantly tired from working overtime and with no prospect of a retirement (because your ex wife walked away with half your pension fund in addition to the house and most your belongings) , just to pay alimony and child support while living in out of your parents basement.

If you're happy living the life in the apartment just doing your thing, playing your snes etc, then my advice to you is just do you! Go with the flow and if a lady comes along to make you feel differently then good for you both...... but if not, don't beat yourself up!

One of the biggest fuckeries for us is the denigration that single guys just living out a life of happiness on their own terms gets. Like we can only be complete if we sacrifice, hand over all our hard earned, and that not doing so somehow makes us selfish.

Seriously, fuck that - the juice should be worth the squeeze! Don't partner up just because you worry society thinks poorly of older single guys!

Yoramus · 2022-02-07T16:46:07+00:00

Look around. There are happily married men out there. Look for what makes a good partner. Decide for yourself to NEVER marry out of loneliness, but be prepared to do so if you find a good match.

UnfurtletDawn · 2022-02-07T01:42:22+00:00

You can get a prenup if you are scared about being screwed over in court from marriage.

You can just date and live together without marriage.

FortuneNo7 · 2022-02-07T02:51:17+00:00

I think that marriage is better than dating. By age 30, it's nice to start a family.

But marriage in the USA is incredibly dangerous as you know. Odds are you'll end up with some hideous career woman who will divorce rape you.

I married happily many many years ago but I think, I was the tail end of that era, when women weren't quite such vile scum. I carefully chose a non-career woman but even then, my wife is a hell of a lot of work and it's touch and go.

Sorry, no good advice that I can think of.

SapperChimo · 2022-02-07T12:18:22+00:00

Build wealth, date or use escorts till you're ready to have kids. Mid 40's it will start to interest you. Marry a young girl. Give her credit cards and let her do her thing.Tell her to just not get pregnant by personal trainer. Enjoy your kids.

DougDante · 2022-02-07T02:59:44+00:00

Do not be afraid. Find a good woman who will love you. Love her also. Have children if you want.

RedcloudGeorge · 2022-02-07T03:37:49+00:00

If you want a relationship because there's someone you genuinely want to be with, it could be worth it. But don't let how it looks to be alone affect your choices. There are a lot of advantages to being on your own and having total freedom. I know a lot of guys who get into a relationship or a marriage and end up being put to constant work. Spend all day working, and then as soon as they're off work, instead of getting to relax or do things they enjoy, they have lists of stuff they're supposed to get done. Stuff they somehow always seemed to do just fine without, yet which is now absolutely vital for some reason. Personal life is like another job, with a whole other boss.

Having someone around can be fine, but don't look so harshly at doing exactly what you feel like doing with your own time and your own money.

caem123 · 2022-02-07T04:26:13+00:00

There are some experts on this subject like Richard Cooper, author of The Unplugged Alpha, who dive deep on this subject. Cooper hosts some social media channels too. I would go to the experts for advice yet some of the posts here seem relevant. good luck.

hehimCA · 2022-02-07T23:22:41+00:00

It’s all personal but having given it a lot of thought here are some things to consider.

Do you want kids? That’s a factor of being with someone whether married or not. However in some places like NY single men can now get a donor egg and have their own kids, no wife needed.

But as others have said, the legal stuff is all on her side. Remember the vows mean nothing you are signing a contract. It is a brutal contract for you.

I also recommend against living together in a common law marriage state. That’s like making you uphold a horrible contract you never signed.

The idea of pair bonding is pretty natural so it makes sense to want that. Good luck figuring it out it’s a very personal thing in a challenging time.

greyman0425 · 2022-02-09T12:00:35+00:00

Don't do it. Women a toxic to neurotipical men and death to those on the spectrum. If you get into a relationship, say good bye to your friends, hobbies, even your own family. Eventually you'll be saying good bye to your own kids when she divorces you.

None of those friends and hobbies benefit her. Sex and the kids will be her lever to control you. If she uses project management software to track you honey do list, file for divorce immediately.

You can bang a few that just want to fuck with no strings atrached. But other than that, make more friends and stay away from dating and marriage.

Pro tip. Women like sex. If she doesn't its a red flag she's mental or she intends to use sex as a weapon. Slut shaming and sex shaming language are red flags.
Comments like I was wild when I was young, now I want settle down. Is a huge red flag if she is not getting filthy in bed with you and you barely get vanilla 2, 3 times a year.

Title	Advice
Author	Mrcookie226
Upvotes	23
Comments	30
Date	February 6, 2022 11:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/smb0sg/advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/advice.1100660 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100660