I recently commented about the feminist rhetoric of saying 'Why do these things only happen to women?' me: 'I'm a man, and it's happened to me.' Feminist: 'It doesn't count when it happens to you, you're male. Why do these things only happen to women?'

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It reminded me to write up something that's been on my mind for a while, so here it is:

Over the years of dealing with feminism, I've come up with a personal saying:

"No feminist says the things that all feminists say, but all feminists say them."

"But," I hear you protest, my gentle readers, "u/crowmagpie, you magnificent rogue! How could an intelligent, handsome bird with beautiful plumage such as yourself come up with something so obviously contradictory?"

It does something like this:

MRAs say 'feminists need to stop saying '×' Feminists come back and say 'I'm a feminist, and I don't say those things.'

Now, '×' can be any number of things. 'All men are rapists!' (My favorite strawman strawman: I've heard many feminists say 'we don't say all men are rapists', but almost nobody saying that they do.)

It could be 'we need to reduce the population of men to 10% of the population'. It could be 'kill all men', 'all men are scum / bastards / pigs', etc...

BUT: here's how the conversation actually went:

Feminist: 'Something that implies ×.'

Feminist: 'Something that means ×.'

Feminist: 'Example after example proving ×, even though it applies only to a tiny minority of real world situations. No example from the vast majority that disprove ×, unless we get called bigots for it. Maybe not even then.'

Feminist: 'Something that only works, something that only makes the slightest sense, if you start with × as a base assumption.'

Sensible Person: 'Argument.' Feminist: 'Counter-argument that in this context means I believe 'x'.'

Sensible Person: 'Stop saying '×'.'

Feminist: 'When have I said '×'? I've never said 'x'! I'd never say that! Show me one time where I've said 'x'!'

And the feminist has, indeed, technically never said 'x'. In so many words.

In the heat of the argument, Sensible Person can't think of it; can't find a single example of Feminist actually saying 'x'; and yet SP still knows Feminist has definitely said it, and SP is left doubting itself.

TL;DNR: gaslighting