Society: Men should open up more. Men should talk about their feelings. Stoicism is toxic masculinity.
Men: I feel insulted by the misandrist Gillette ad.
Society: Manbaby! Fragile masculinity! Look who's the triggered snowflake now! Can't handle a razor commercial. Must be an incel!
Modern society is basically a big, collective manifestation of that horrible ex-girlfriend who would weaponize any instance of vulnerability or openness against you.
[+]Daddie01 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
I just replied to another post about this. To be completely honest, I do not think some / most women realize they are doing this. I'm not implying that they are stupid dumb, or are doing it on purpose either.
To back this up, I posted the following a few times here before:
Brené Brown did a TED Talk on Shame, google it and then go to 15:30 in.
Here is also a quote from her in a Redbook article on the subject
"Men walk this tightrope where any sign of weakness illicits shame, and so they're afraid to make themselves vulnerable for fear of looking weak. But if you can't be vulnerable, then you can't truly grow and be your best self. Women can either embrace and help men walk across the tightrope, or we can be the ones who push them off."
Just like Brené Brown states in her video " For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak. I did not interview men for the first four years of my study. It wasn't until a man looked at me after a book signing, and said, "I love what say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men." And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient."
And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?" I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us. And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads. Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else."
"So I started interviewing men and asking questions. And what I learned is this: You show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear, I'll show you a woman who's done incredible work."
"Men are smart. They hear us asking for their vulnerability, but are also very aware that we may act scared or resentful when they show their vulnerable side. You wouldn't believe how often men tell me, "I pretend to be vulnerable, but I keep in under control," or "I give her enough to believe I'm being open because if I were totally truthful about how afraid or out of control I feel, she would judge me." Underneath the pretending lies hurt, disappointment, and shame."
[–]VoxVirilis[S] 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]Daddie01 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
She doesn't, but what she said that I highlighted shows she understood that a lot of women couldn't do it.
It was a relief and then depressing to read / hear. Again most women are not doing it on purpose, unless she is pissed at you. Then all bets are off.
Women want men to shoulder all responsibility, they act like they want to be in charge, but in reality they really don't, and will resent you for it.
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