Need advice and help

World-Three · 2025-07-24T02:59:34+00:00

That's like someone telling me my fly is open and me reporting them...

What in the world? Yeah I'd be all over that statement. I already have long ass comments, that paper's getting covered.

BuddaJim2023 · 2025-07-23T22:06:56+00:00

Standard emotional warfare for power. Why? Because she can. It’s that simple.

You’re dealing with NPD, or a woman with heavy narc tendencies, which a majority have.

Here’s my advice if the story really is as cut and dry you described:

Tell the facts, and repeat them as necessary.
Say as little as possible and don’t be baited to explain yourself further
Don’t react to any other baiting.
Don’t show anger, become defensive or show much other emotion, if any.

She wants to feed on your emotions. Don’t try to beat her. Just the facts.

Good luck👍🏻✌🏻

Former-Dragonfly2226 · 2025-07-25T08:40:17+00:00

Definitely don’t message her on Instagram. Remember, she turned your helpful comment into this mess in the first place. Block her from any personal communications. Like others have said get as much representation as possible, and learn the law and company policy thoroughly. You may be able to request that you don’t work with her as you now feel uncomfortable around her. Also, sadly, anything men do to be helpful is seen as ‘misogynistic/mansplaining/patronising’. That’s why so many of us have stopped being courteous to women. It’s not about being rude or unhelpful, it’s about protecting ourselves from situations like the one you now find yourself in.

Witoldski · 2025-07-24T02:09:54+00:00

Don't do anything right now. You know your reason why you pointed it out to her. There's no need to try and prove your intentions further. If anyone comes back to you on this, explain calmly what your intention was.

Also learn your lesson. Next time you don't have to be so helpful at the workplace and keep everything professional. Is this how we men expected we will turn out to be like cold professional workmates? Probably no. But many women's behavior have made this to be the only viable choice for men.

captainhornheart · 2025-07-24T09:40:59+00:00

Rise above revenge for now.

Read the employee handbook cover to cover and read up on employment law. Record all conversations with HR. Only accept emails about this matter, not phone calls. If you are part of a union, get their representative into any meetings. If not, get a manager you trust to sit in with you. Be aware that HR will fuck you over if you let them. Explain what happened calmly and concisely. State what your intention was. Refuse to be comment on how the accuser may have felt or what her perspective is. Don't apologise for ANYTHING, even if it might end the process. Never admit fault, even for something minor like a misjudgement or clumsiness of articulation. Don't sign anything or acknowledge a formal warning.

Avoid all contact with this woman. Make it clear to your manager that you can't work with her due to her false accusation, which is affecting your career prospects and mental health. Do this in an email.

If you're cleared of wrongdoing, make an official complaint against her for emotional distress and damage to your reputation.

FrostingPlenty4801 · 2025-07-24T18:05:04+00:00

Talk to hr about it and be transparent. If you go to hr out of your own freewill before you’re called, you’ll increase your chances of being heard out and not punished. Also talk to the girl about it and ask why she considered it harassment. Sometimes men genuinely do overstep boundaries and get involved when they shouldn’t. Also if you want to talk to a girl that has something to deal with her private parts, even if it’s not in a sexual way, be mindful of your tone and vocabulary. Women have to be mindful of their tone and vocabulary so they don’t appear too assertive so don’t think I’m asking you to do anything crazy. I’m just saying you should be aware of how your actions and words will be perceived.

Terrible-Salary-2674 · 2025-07-24T23:13:54+00:00

In this day and age, if it's not life or death, don't get involved.

Make it your mantra. If you come upon some "public freakout" event in Walmart or on public transit, just turn heel, avoid eye contact and keep walking before it escalates. If anyone questions you about it, just do your best Bill Clinton impression with, "I,..Was never theeerrree",...

No-Amoeba9374 · 2025-07-26T07:09:27+00:00

You shouldn’t have said anything. The fact you noticed it and it bothered you so much is not great, and then to tell her that you have noticed and it bothered you so much was a bad move. It’s not really a “very unprofessional” look. Hopefully you speak to HR and it is a misunderstanding that is cleared up and everyone moves on.

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2025-07-24T03:07:57+00:00

Can you get a lawyer?

snoopingboop · 2025-07-24T00:36:22+00:00

as a woman here's a woman's perspective: technically, I would say that what you did was the correct thing and if it were me I would've been thankful for the heads up. however, a lot of women would probably feel like you were staring at their chest, no matter how noticeable it was or how pure your intentions were. shes not a horrible person for being uncomfortable with you, even though you didnt do anything wrong. just stay true to what happened and if people come after you be humble and tell them what your intentions were. putting the other person down is going to make you look worse and therefore less trustworthy. people will take her side if you try to make her look worse. In the future, bring it straight to HR. if you file a formal complaint, then its HRs job to talk to her about it and you can stay anonymous (or at the very least have proof it was simply a professional matter).

kochIndustriesRussia · 2025-07-25T13:53:26+00:00

Why do men do this to themselves.

One more time for fellas in the back:

DO NOT COMMENT ON WOMEN'S CLOTHING IN THE WORKPLACE!! PERIOD. EVER. FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU GUYS!!

Her claim will likely be tossed out, but wtf dude? It didn't occur to you that mentioning anything about a woman's bra (read: intimate under garment) would be construed as creepy!?!?!?!

REALLY!!!!

Some of you guys deserve what you get. This is not new knowledge.

Title	Need advice and help
Author	YellowTurbulent5594
Upvotes	20
Comments	20
Date	July 23, 2025 9:56 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1m7miwx/need_advice_and_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/need-advice-and-help.1557899 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557899

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