Lately, there has been a sizeable chunk of posts in this sub-reddit highlighting the issue of men burying their emotions and assuring them that crying isn't unmanly. While I have no problem with the intent behind it, my criticism is the implication they make that letting your emotions hang out freely is the primary solution to serious epidemics like Male Suicide.

Where they fail to realize is toxic masculinity isn't the only barrier that lowers a man's confidence in expressing himself.

I've posted the following comment from R/Femradebates before but it still applies to this current situation. The user, Tedesche, outlines the nitty-gritty from a perspective that is one of a man trying his best to exist in a world that we all are stuck in and disturbs us in one form or another.

While it's certainly true that men often fail to realize the subtler aspects of what it's like to be a woman in this world, this fact is at least one that is treated as though it should be common knowledge—that is to say, it's not a strange thought; if you make this assertion, relatively few people would challenge you on it.

But I think women fail to realize what it's like being a man and growing up as a boy in this era of women's rights. Women are a designated "disadvantaged class," and men are not. You grow up being told—sometimes explicitly, but more often implicitly or indirectly—that your accomplishments come more easily to you, and women's accomplishments are therefore always slightly greater, because they had to struggle against a world not designed for them. Likewise, women's suffering is given more attention and sympathy, because it's often construed as being the product of a sexist system, whereas men's suffering is seen more matter-of-factly, and not given any special consideration. You're expected to overcome the hurdles ahead of you, and if you fail you can only blame yourself, whereas women are understood to be at an unfair disadvantage, and therefore their failures are sometimes understood to be not their fault.

I remember sitting through a health/sex-ed class in 9th grade, and I particularly remember the class on rape, and the week that followed. It was an hour of hearing about one of the most awful crimes imaginable to an adolescent mind—one that I remain completely disgusted by—and being told that men are the perpetrators and women are the victims, and therefore that women need to be mindful of the men in their lives, and men need to be careful of their behavior around women. As the hour went on, the girls in the class became more and more vocal and angry, while the boys stayed palpably silent, completely aware that we could say nothing without risking an overwhelming backlash. The class was held on a Monday, and for the remainder of that week, the girls went around school referencing what we had learned and carrying that outrage and indignation with them, throwing it in your face every chance they got, and ganging up on any guy that objected.

Fast forward to college. I went to a predominantly female liberal arts college with a strong feminist presence. While it wasn't always militant or shoved down your throat, as a guy, you were finally in the minority, and it was noticeable. Many things were focused on women by default, and while it felt marginalizing, you were always aware that this is how women felt in the world at large, and if you forgot that, you were quickly reminded. I didn't really mind it most of the time, and the school was in no way truly unfair to its male students, but women's empowerment surrounded you. It was in the air, and very nearly every girl on campus was breathing it in deep. Again, as a guy, even though you were in the minority, you knew you were viewed as the default gender, undeserving of help or support, while the women around you were bathing in it.

Men are viewed as mundane these days, while women are special. Rivers of concern flow towards them, carrying food, supplies, and special transports to aid them in their journeys forward, while men are expected to trudge along and make their own way without help. Still worse, we are tacitly blamed for this state of affairs, and thus unable to complain about it.

I apologize if anyone takes issue with what I've written above. Please understand that I'm describing an emotional world, and don't take any particular word or phrase too literally. Also, please remember that I'm only describing my experience as a man, and none of the above is meant to reflect what it's like to be a woman.

The gender rights movement has forgotten men, left us in the cold, and blamed us for it. It has held us accountable for the sins of our fathers, even though we were simply born into this world, same as our female peers. Men today are no more to blame for the state of society than women, and yet we are frequently shamed for it. There is little-to-no place for men in the mainstream gender rights arena, and hostility towards men has only increased as time has worn on. Men's gender issues are regularly ignored, those who speak up about them are immediately reviled as misogynists, derailers, or oversensitive whiners, and we are told we are privileged when none of us truly feel that way. None of that is to deny that men have many advantages over women, but we asked for none of it, and yet we are blamed simply for benefiting from it. Women now enjoy advantages too, and yet we are told that corrective action on those issues is of low priority, because the overall picture still favors men. Nevermind if you find yourself a victim of anti-male bias or systemic injustice—you are privileged in so many other areas, you have no right to complain.

Put bluntly, this is neglect, and it is abusive. Children who are neglected in this fashion grow up to act out in irrational, angry, and sometimes violent ways. Is it any surprise then that the MRM focuses more than it should on attacking feminism—the social movement that brought many of these changes about, and which frequently fights to maintain the silence on men's issues (NAFALT applies, of course, but those feminists not directly responsible enable those that are by not policing them)? I don't approve of much of the rhetoric and antagonism the MRM creates, but I certainly understand where it comes from. But I don't think the rest of the world does.

I sometimes get depressed when I think about this too much. I feel isolated and marginalized, neglected and demonized. It's infuriating at first, but that anger quickly gives way to despair when you realize any expression of it will be misconstrued as either vile misogyny or pathetic insecurity by most. I have lost friends for expressing my views on men's rights and gender issues in general, and noticed many of the ones that remain being alienated by it as well, so I often bite my tongue and bitterly try to accept that nothing is going to change anytime soon.

Take special note of the last paragraph. All you people who are stuck in the mindset that feelings are the perfect antidote for a man at odds with the world can see it clearly will not work. For him and for other men out there. Just look at the stories from men here who have tried, too, and were given the lesson Tedesche has been aware of only they learned it the hard way.

Thank you.

EDIT: I've deliberated strongly on this and have come to a decision. A user suggested posting this in Menslib. I have not only supplied the text but taken it a step further by including the link. Bear in mind, though, any Menslib users who come in: I do this because the users of this sub-reddit have openly talked about how hostile the mods in that community act, going so far as to delete their comments and ban them. You will find no such hostility here except fervent disagreement because "Patriarchy Hurts Men, Too" and any attempt to re-direct the issue towards men themselves is not welcome. Additionally, criticism of feminism is not a criticism of women in general. Heed this when discussing.

EDIT: To the poster who copied this to r/Menslib, I would like to inform you that it was removed.

This post has been removed for violating the following rule(s):

This post or comment is more about feminism itself than men's issues

This post is more about the gender wars or meta-gender discussion than a direct, concrete men's issue

Further proof they don't want discussion.