Okay so I made a throwaway for this because I am just looking to get some feedback on making a major decision.

I was married for 12 years to a women I thought I loved. We had 4 children together and I didn't make a lot of money so we struggled most of those years just to make ends meet. Towards the end of our relationship, I had begged my ex wife to do something. Anything, go to school, find a career, a part time job, something to help with the bills that kept stacking up. She worked maybe a year when we first met but that was about it. All the children where old enough to be in school when I expressed my desire to gain some financial stability. This was met with often contempt from her.

She has been emotionally and psychologically abusive for years. I realize this after we divorced this year but at the time I could not see it. I ended the marriage because she had been cheating on me. This is the way she damaged me to start out with. From the start of our relationship and throughout it, I had my suspicions that she was unfaithful but she was good at convincing me she didn't do anything. Then she would admit she did at times, then say she only said those things to hurt me and nothing happened. It's really hard to explain but I can assure you that this has really fucked my head up. I found proof by way of text that she was messaging a guy and when I asked her about, she denied it then admitted she just kissed him. Whatever, I just couldn't take it anymore. I asked her to go and if she wanted to work on saving our marriage she needed to stop what she was doing. She didn't stop seeing the guy but kept telling me she needed time to "figure things out" so I filed for custody and a divorce.

That's when shit really hit the fan. I lost my job, I was alone for the first time in my life. I had no idea how to raise 4 kids by myself and she tried everything she could to demoralize me. She threatened to tell lies about me. She tried to blackmail me. She had someone hack into multiple accounts and cyberstalk me and even threatened to kill me several times. Through all this she denies it. Using things from our relationship to harrass me online. ect. I became depressed. Here was a person I loved doing anything she could do to hurt me and for what? Why would she do this? I mean we went to court, agreed that I would keep the children and I told her she could see them whenever she wanted. I even agreed to not to use the state to force child support as long as she agreed to find a job and help me when I need help. Raising 4 kids is expensive. I pay for a bigger house, more on bills, food clothing, everything!

It's been two years since we split up. I have been taking are of the children pretty much 90%. She sees them every other weekend and we alternate weeks in the summer. I am recovering from alcoholism now after nearly drinking myself to death from the stress she caused in my life. She lives in a place that is not suitable for 4 children and she had 2 more in the time we seperated. Anytime I ask for money, it's like the same old song. She say's they don't have any. Well neither do I. I'm looking for a new job. One that is not so demanding so I can take better care of the kids. It's to the point where I think I should turn this over to the state and force the child support. It's just not fair. I tried to be empathetic despite havving my mind and heart fucked with. But it's like I can't seem to reason with her. I really need help. I have been a lurker on men's rights forr a while now and I was hoping you guy's could maybe offer up some advice that might help me feel better about this. Should I go to the state? Part of me feels like I'm doing to pay her back for screwing me over so hard, the other part say's it's the right way to get help and that's why the state got involved in the first place. I don't know what I should do...