Okay so several months ago I began a series of surgeries related to some army shit (basically my shoulder is gone and my knee is fucked to all hell). I couldn't work, and the VA is taking forever on my claims. I'm also a nursing student to make matters worse. Anyways, the woman I'm staying with is an old friend but has started treating me as if we are SOs. She neglects her kids (who hate her by now, and I spend most of my time with them), but spends every last penny of what she "makes" plus welfare, buying booze, and she gets violent and mean to everyone. She tried to rape me once but than thankfully she just got mad when I said no and kept pushing her off me and kicked me out into the cold/snow.

She does this a lot; when she is drunk and mad over something that doesn't even exist she resorts to kicking me out and locking the door, despite the weather.I had surgery on my knee in March (I also needed surgery on my shoulder but they only did one at a time so I was in a sling) and she would come up behind me and throw me on the ground. One time she did this and then when I was trying to get up (one handed and one legged) she sucker punched me and broke my nose (I still have my favorite jeans stained with blood).

I instinctively leg swept her, but she uses this as me attacking her and willingly forgets what she did to me. Tonight she got drunk again and pushed me down (I had surgery on my shoulder finally on July 17th) and kept doing so. So one time I got up and pushed her down with one arm to tell her to leave me alone (since I did nothing, she was pissed that her kids were likeing me more cuz I play games with them, read with them, taught them how to throw and catch footballs, etc.).

As you can guess, she used this as a means to kick me out again, with the threat of calling the cops. I came back later because I was thirsty and hot, and her son let me in, but only when I told him I'd be in and out and if anyone asked, he didn't do it. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety ever since I left the army and now I'm borderline suicidal. I have no where to go (no family, grew up in foster care), and no one to talk to. This all sucks (don't worry I won't kill myself, just saying the urge is there), and I think MR could use this story since so many are afraid to speak out about what they go through. Thanks for your time ladies and gents.

EDIT: I'm stealing someone's wifi at a park bench if you are wondering.

EDIT 2: The amount of support has really lifted my spirits. I always thought this was a great community (usually lurk here) but wow, I appreciate all of it. It was really hard to admit all of this, and I hope the positive response I got will help others tell their stories too, and not be afraid to ask for help.