This is not rape. Disagree? Agree? Let's discuss.

AnnArchist · 2009-08-06T16:23:49+00:00

I agree, begging until she says yes is not rape once she says yes.

After reading her story. I haven't seen her provide any details to suggest she was actually raped and not just seeking attention or making the whole thing up.

Um...no, there was no threat of violence. I said no, then he kept asking until he was basically begging. I finally just let him do what he wanted to do. I was defeated. He did not violently hold me down. However, I don't think there was any question that I had not consented. I told him I didn't want to do anything sexual, that I had been raped in the past.

I think he wouldn't have done it had she not consented or "given in."

Afterwards, he walked me to the door and I walked home alone in tears. I'm not sure how that could be construed as me enjoying what had happened.

or this comment

?How? It's still legally rape if I consent and then say no during the act. How is it different if I don't consent and then lay there and let it happen?

or the fact that her behavior changed after the 'rape' is not evidence of an actual rape

I'm sure it doesn't rub you the wrong way that (no matter if you think I consented or not) I was coerced into sex with someone I did not want to, nor did I ever want to, have sex with.

I assume you're just delighted that I tried to kill myself a few months afterwards, entered into a pattern of self-damaging behavior to express how much I hated the person I was, and have been in and out of therapy ever since it happened. What better punishment for a slut like me, huh? Years of self-imposed imprisonment? I think I did a pretty good job of destroying my own life.

Kuonji · 2009-08-06T16:23:54+00:00

If you're hanging out with a friend and he says he really likes that ipod you have and asks to have it and you say no. And he says 'pleaaase' and you say no and he says 'pretty pretty pleaaaaaseee' and instead of telling him to drop it or gtfo, you end up giving it to him so he'll shut up, did he just steal your ipod?

Edit: The disturbing thing about this, and the main reason why I posted this here, is that look at how many people in that comment thread are coming to her rescue, even suggesting physically harming him for what he did. It looks like an angry mob forming.

I'm not saying that every thread where someone says "I was raped" should immediately be responded with "No you weren't!" but just look at the mob mentality there.

shady8x · 2009-08-06T17:23:48+00:00

In other words, she was pressured into sex.

If being pressured into sex is rape than rape is a very common occurrence. In fact a study of 518 university students found that 38.8% of men reported being pressured into a range of sexual activity including intercourse and oral sex. Considering that men often feel pressure not to admit those kind of things even to themselves and brush them of as them having 'gotten lucky' this number may actually be at least a bit higher.

runamok · 2009-08-06T17:03:54+00:00

I'm a bit torn. As a man I can't imagine asking over and over again when she is saying no. Especially knowing that she had been raped before (I have had a ex-gf who had been raped by an acquaintance so I went out of my way to make sure she was always comfortable with sex, etc.). The guy is certainly guilty of being a GIGANTIC douche. In the strictest legal sense I'd say no, he is not guilty of rape.

However, based on her previous rape (that she told him about), basically berating her until she acquiesces always with her (unspoken) fear that this MIGHT escalate into violence seems fundamentally wrong. If I were a judge I wouldn't ruin the guy's life but I'd find some way to make him do community service at a battered womens' clinic or man a suicide prevention line or something to teach a little bit of empathy.

And I do recognize that begging is a major way of getting sex for most teenage and 20 something males. ;-)

The reality is that most women are much weaker then men. If I am on top of a woman kissing her and I didn't want her to get away it would be pretty hard for her to resist. I treat this power as a responsibility because I never want to make a woman I care about afraid of me.

Crio3mo · 2009-08-06T17:40:24+00:00

Imagine, as a guy, if you had been anally raped. Then fast forward to sometime later, and you're with another guy, watching TV. The guy starts pressuring you to have anal sex. You tell him no, you keep telling him no. You tell him that you had previously been raped, that you didn't want to have sex and start crying. He won't stop pressuring you and you begin to be afraid that he could get violent. You freeze up, and he gets on top of you and starts to fuck you. Afterwards, he acts like it all went well and the next day you get a facebook message from his friend saying that he heard you were "cool."

Yeah, sounds like rape to me. At the very least everyone here would likely agree that he is one of the world's biggest assholes, but I view that as rape.

Title	This is not rape. Disagree? Agree? Let's discuss.
Author	Kuonji
Upvotes	5
Comments	22
Date	August 6, 2009 4:17 PM UTC (17 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/985ld/this_is_not_rape_disagree_agree_lets_discuss/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/this-is-not-rape-disagree-agree-lets-discuss.1053381 https://theredarchive.com/post/1053381

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