Introduction/Accountability

Red-Curious · 2018-08-08T18:57:38+00:00

but mostly focusing on the Bible for now

Praise God for that, brother. If your mind is free from cultural influences, you'll find quickly that any of the stuff here is found there first anyway.

we should be out of debt (other than student loans and mortgage) within 3 years

This is wonderful. Cut this shorter if at all possible. Once you start dieting, you might find there's an extra $100-200 or more (depending on how much you eat out) in your monthly budget to apply to these other debts, saving you a ton on interest and potentially cutting 6 months to a year off your goal.

Now I have this post I can look back at and see where I was on 8-8-2018 and make sure I am continually improving.

This is an admirable thing.

didn't end up actually having sex on our wedding night

Me either. I feel you on that.

There were several months in our marriage where we didn't have sex at all just because she didn't feel like it or was too tired.

Been there, done that. Do you see your language about how she's the one making these decisions in your marriage?

It got to the point where she turned me down so much for sex that I stopped asking, and she didn't ask, so I know we had a couple of 6 month gaps between having sex.

Ergo my testimony about my 18 month gap! which I just posted about yesterday.

she is the one in the worst shape but only a little worse than me

When researching for my post on sexual addiction v. starvation I looked into some stats on food addiction and found that 3x as many women are addicted to food than men. I'm not surprised by your conclusion at all.

We can't lock our door at night because our daughter has a full blown freakout if she gets scared in the middle of the night and the door is locked.

Sounds like you're in your daughter's frame.

"But my wife would never stand for our daughter's middle of the night outbursts!"

Then you're in her frame.

What do you want to do?

However there is definite progress in the sex department and also just affection in general.

That's nice. But get yourself under 25% as your next big mile-marker and you'll see even larger improvement. When you're under 20% she'll start trying to lose weight too (or not, whatever). Then shoot for 15%, then 12%, then 10% if possible. Try to do each of these in 3-6 month intervals. It's more than doable if one is dedicated (preaching to myself here too - trying to go from 16% to 12%).

rocknrollchuck · 2018-08-08T19:57:44+00:00

Welcome, brother!

My wife and I were both virgins when we got married and were each others first everything (first bf/gf, first kiss, etc). We did some sexual touching before marriage but that was all. We were "burning with passion" while we dated

That's awesome!

Our sex life from there didn't get much better, our first few weeks I'd say we had sex a few times a week and then it went less often from there. There were several months in our marriage where we didn't have sex at all just because she didn't feel like it or was too tired. It got to the point where she turned me down so much for sex that I stopped asking, and she didn't ask, so I know we had a couple of 6 month gaps between having sex.

Were you around 320 lbs. for most of your marriage? If so, then this is common. Things should turn around for you sexually as you make yourself more attractive. You came to the right place!

So I'd say our average amount of sex during the first 2 years of marriage was about once a week, then the next 2 years was probably an average of less than once a month, then about once a month the 3 years after that, and then probably an average of about once a week for the rest until this year.

You're actually in a better position than a number of others here who have dead bedrooms.

I started working on losing weight (we have both put on a lot of weight since we got together, she was actually in a lot better shape than me when we first started dating...she was what I would call average, not toned or skinny but definitely not fat either whereas I was considered "chubby"...although now out of the two of us she is the one in the worst shape but only a little worse than me. I weigh low 290s and am 5 foot 8, she weighs about 230 but is only 5 foot 1).

Has she started making any effort to lose weight and get in shape yet? Remember, the 1,000 ft rope analogy applies, so be patient and give the rope time to tighten.

I have also begun doing daily Bible readings together as a family and altogether doing better to be the leader of my family.

Praise God, brother! This is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family. The more you get into God's word, the more He will change you to be more like Christ.

The last several weeks since I have started that I'd say we have averaged once a week successful, and about twice a week that we were interrupted by the kid getting scared and knocking on the door and subsequently coming in. We can't lock our door at night because our daughter has a full blown freakout if she gets scared in the middle of the night and the door is locked.

Reading between the lines here, it seems that your daughter is about 4 or 5, right? You need to set some boundaries here, both with your daughter and I suspect with your wife as well. Let me guess: if the door is locked and your daughter comes to the door, the freakout is not only your daughter's response but is also your wife insisting that she can't just not do anything? This will take putting some rules and boundaries in place for both of them if this is the case, and then CONSISTENTLY locking the bedroom door every night when you go to bed. You may have to endure a few meltdowns in the meantime as you get that boundary in place, but it is very necessary. Parents need their privacy, and your daughter and your wife must be made to understand this.

I am considering buying NMMNG if I can't find it available in PDF somewhere and I plan for that to be my first book from the sidebar.

Based on what I shared about the daughter coming into the bedroom, I would suggest WISNIFG (When I Say No, I Feel Guilty) be the first book you buy and read. Then NMMNG after that.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-08-08T21:42:36+00:00

When I got married I weighed 273lbs at 6’. My wife weighed 335lbs at 5’7”

My wife then lost 170lbs through diet and exercise over 2+ years.

I lost about 35lbs during the same time.

She went from a size 28 to a size 8. Shapely, sexy, and got LOTS of ioi everywhere she went.

One time we were in the grocery store. I went ‘in search of’, and came up the aisle to a man just staring at my wife’s butt as she got something off a lower shelf. I walked up next to him and just said, “damn.”

As he shook his head I reached out and smacked her butt and then kissed her on the cheek as he made a very hasty retreat. Later she told me I shouldn’t be so mean.

My story ends poorly, but that’s not the point.

If YOU are very successful at weight loss and she is not, you must be ready for comfort tests, remain very positive and encouraging for her, and go light on the dread as she can shut down out of jealousy and frustration.

OTOH, if SHE is very successful at weight loss and you are not, be ready for her to receive more attention from men than she EVER HAS in our highly sexualized society.

This can REALLY mess with a woman’s mind, regardless of her religious affiliation or loyalty. This plays directly into their biological imperative, solipsism, and hypergamy. (Please do not ask me how I know, but you can guess)

The takeaway for you is to continue to LEAD BY EXAMPLE, and realize that you are guaranteed NOTHING except salvation. And even THAT you are to work out with fear and trembling.

Do not let up.

Do not quit.

And remember, following GOD is the headwind. It’s the harder path. Life gets tougher, be ready.

So man up, buttercup.

OYS

Phil 4:13

becoming_alpha · 2018-08-08T21:43:30+00:00

We can't lock our door at night because our daughter has a full blown freakout if she gets scared in the middle of the night and the door is locked.

The other guys mentioned it already, but you're in your daughter's frame here. It's healthy for your daughter to know that sometimes mom and dad have some alone time in the bedroom (not necessarily in the middle of the night). You can level set with her and set her up with a snack and a show to watch, but you should be able to set and hold a boundary with your daughter.

OsmiumZulu · 2018-08-09T07:17:28+00:00

Welcome.

Your post is thoughtful and intelligently written, thank you for not victim puking a bunch of idiocy that looks like a 3rd grader wrote it.

Lifts...

Stick with the freaking program. I cannot stress this enough. 5x5 is where I started and while I've moved beyond it since, it will get you far along the path in short order. Here are a few tips that I wish I had known when I got started:

Diet is everything. You can see gains in strength without controlling your diet, but you will never arrive at an aesthetic physique unless you eat the correct amount to bulk or cut. I probably lost three years worth of quality gym time by not focusing on this sooner.
Diet really is freaking everything. Seriously.
The more you work out the less post-workout soreness you will get. Your body will adapt and eventually you will only feel sore after major workouts / setting PRs.
Form is super important. That said, I didn't figure out proper form or how to "feel" the mind muscle connection until I started getting into more challenging weight. Do lots of research on form until you figure it out right. Check out Mark Rippetoe, Mike Matthews, and Jeff Nippard.

she weighs about 230 but is only 5 foot 1

I'd be concerned about this from a quality and quantity of life standpoint. My wife is a dietician and deals with diabetes patients daily. Your wife is at risk. Lead the way, but if she doesn't naturally start following suit, I'd frame the conversation in terms of her being around and healthy for your child. Also- don't let her waste her time with cardio and treadmills and the like. You probably already know this, but lifting is simply far more important and effective for both men and women for overall health. Cardio second.

I'm hopeful for you dude. I don't know why exactly but I got excited by your post. Keep us updated on the progress.

Title	Introduction/Accountability
Author	chmcke01
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	August 8, 2018 6:38 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/95oqd5/introductionaccountability/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/introductionaccountability.301805 https://theredarchive.com/post/301805

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