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becoming_alpha Archive

View 10 posts and 407 comments by becoming_alpha on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I initiated, she turned me down, I stopped. Yes, this is one of the 2%. Also, who the fuck digs around three year old posts from deleted accounts to drop incendiary comments about something they know nothing about? My situation is not your situation. Get a better hobby and stay in your lane, Karen.
/r/askMRP08/05/22 05:30 AM
3

The community prefers to laugh at your missteps, and poke holes in your paper frame, and generally give you a hard time while nudging you in the right direction. Whether that fun happens on OYS or askmrp is up to you, but is largely irrelevant. What matters is whether you're really in this and if you're going to do the work. In 4 weeks you've read 2 chapters of a book, read a bunch of posts, made a plan to lift something but haven't lifted anything, and started acting like you DNGAF but you actu…
/r/askMRP03/11/20 06:53 PM
1

Lawyering up is different from an initial consultation with a lawyer. You should go do that initial consult and get a really clear picture of what separation would look like for you. This is part of the stay plan being the go plan. Thinking through the details takes away some of the fear because your questions and doubts are replaced with a plan. Nobody is saying to file for divorce right now.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/20 08:09 PM
2

there are no goddamn plates available anywhere Except, I don't know, amazon, in stock. You're making progress on your weight, keep that up and start your SL5x5 ASAP. Concealed carry class should be at the bottom of your list, maybe after you have a job and are back in a decent house again. Good call to shelve that and do the lawyer consultation. She's probably cheating, and at the least she's looking for a branch to swing to. Regardless, the stay plan is the go plan and you need to have an exit …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/20 11:27 PM
2

What state are you in that gyms aren't open? I'm in a blue state, but even our gyms are open at limited capacity. I'm with cloudy_pirate. Get a bigger storage unit and set that up as your personal gym. If all the gyms in your area are closed, you can run it as an illicit gym for your friends. Your apartment sounds tiny, I wouldn't want a bench and olympic bar sitting my living room. That's my frame though. Sounds like you're living in your girlfriend's frame, not your own. Last, you said you own…
/r/askMRP06/10/20 10:59 PM
2

Do as many of your reps each workout as you can with overhand grip. Only switch to alternate grip when you can't do it overhand. A year ago (2 years into lifting) I used to have to switch to alternate grip at anything near 300. Now I use overhand up to about 370, then switch to alternate grip above that. Also pull ups.
/r/askMRP05/10/20 06:38 PM
11

Congrats, man. Boy or girl? Man up. Quit being a little bitch, and get ready to be a dad again. You've got a year or so until things get back to a semblance of normal. What a great time to focus on improving yourself starting with not being resentful (butthurt).
/r/askMRP05/10/20 06:04 PM
5

You're in the anger phase. It's normal. What have you done to improve yourself? If you bail on this marriage without fixing yourself, you'll just put yourself in the same situation again with the next girl.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/20 04:04 PM
2

Agreed. That's more constructive.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 04:05 PM
2

I'm not sure exactly where the line is because everyone genuinely wants fulfillment and intimacy in their sexual relationship. But where you can easily spot the difference is how you react when your wife turns down your initiation. If you're butthurt and it makes you feel of less value to be rejected, you've still got some validation seeking. If your reaction is the same as if she didn't want Chinese takeout for dinner, you're on the right track.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 09:46 PM
2

I stand corrected. Dear it, did you have an actual question?
/r/askMRP29/09/20 09:22 PM
1

Her? Him? Which one are you?
/r/askMRP29/09/20 09:09 PM
1

What are you doing to lead her? What does your fitness look like? What are your lifts? Even without your responses, I'm going with lack of leadership.
/r/askMRP29/09/20 07:08 PM
4

I felt like a big idiot standing there saying nothing but at the same time knew nothing I was going to say was going to make anything better. Perhaps I need to work on adding more tools to my toolbox like amused mastery and fogging You answered your own question. Read WISNIFG right now and tell us when you're done.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 06:32 PM
2

clarified a lot of my actions/behaviors both before and since that relationship. Good introspection and seeing what your needy behavior and lack of frame did to suck the life out of previous relationships. Now, apply that to your current marriage. Where do you still see those tendencies? What are you doing about it? Good to focus on physical and career as they're problematic, but it seems like the bulk of your post was a realization you came do, but didn't apply to yourself now.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 06:08 PM
2

Still stuck at all lifts due to some form issue in the squat messing up my elbow. I'm an inch taller than you and also used to pull down on the bar and my elbow felt too tight. Like u/UsefulWalk4 said, your hands on are on the bar just to steady it. My solution was to widen my grip on the bar. My hands touch the safety bars at the bottom of the squat now to let me know I'm parallel instead of being closer to my head. My elbows like that angle better.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 05:50 PM
-3

MRP is for married men. You're 20, you're in college, and what you're going through is typical of any first serious relationship. You'll figure out if you love your LTR, but odds are you'll seriously date many women before you decide to marry one. Most guys here are in a very different place than you, but if marriage and a family is where you want to go, you'll probably get more value here than TRP. make an impact by exploring strength and power This is a crappy mission. Making an "impact" means…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 05:32 PM
4

I’m afraid she finds her “true love”... just thinking about her being married and possibly having more kids makes me feel almost desperate Why are you afraid of this? I think it's because of how it makes you look. You weren't her true love, you weren't enough for her. That sucks, but it's reality. It also sounds like she's a crappy mother. She doesn't want custody of the kids, that was never an option. You were the stay at home dad while bringing in 75% of the income. I agree with Horns, get tho…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 04:38 PM
5

but squatting even one plate hurt enough to make me doubt I know you're driven to make progress, but make sure you give your back time to heal. You won't lose much ground by skipping squats for a couple weeks while your back gets better. I had to skip squats for a couple months with a knee injury, but I was back to the same level in a couple more months after healing. I’ve been reactive instead of being my own mental point of origin, and I’ve nuked S***ty Comfort Tests. I’ve got to reset everyda…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 03:23 PM
1

OYS #14 – 9/29/20 – 1 year since OYS 13 Background 39, married 17 years, 3 kids, wife is SAHM, started my journey about 3 years ago. Physical (in the last year) 6’2”, 198 (+16), 16% BF (+2.2%), bench 305 (+35), squat 380 (+50), dead 430 (+20). I’ve spent the 6 months of quarantine focused on getting stronger on my compound lifts. Really happy with my progress there, but I’ve neglected accessory work and cardio in the last couple months and miss seeing my abs. I’m doing it backwards, bulked for s…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 02:45 PM
2

Yeah, I see that polarization along with the challenge of lifting heavy is necessary to start building some backbone and frame. It's refreshing to hear you, W&S, and Lucky are real guys that live in the real world and do things like buying flowers and spending time walking your kid to the bus stop. I remember my wife getting pissed about me turning off location sharing when I was getting started and feeling controlled. That's something I needed to do to establish my frame, and poke fun at her fo…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 12:23 AM
1

I'm doing the math too. $1500 a month for a beachfront airbnb for the family isn't bad. Gotta figure out exactly when the kids will be back in the classroom instead of online.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 12:07 AM
1

A couple nuggets I took away: I thought the discussion of bloody socks and cold showers guy was great. I think because of the locker room atmosphere of MRP, new guys starting out (who are career betas for the most part) think they need to embody a hyper masculine tough guy who eats nails for breakfast to do MRP correctly. Maybe you're David Goggins and those extra challenges are what keeps you going. But I appreciate the feedback that's not required for MPR from W&S, HOA, and Lucky. I'm with Hor…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/20 04:26 PM
2

I lost my dad nearly 2 years ago. It sucks, man. I feel for you, and I'm glad you got to say goodbye. I know you don't want to fall apart in front of others, but it's OK to show your emotions. You don't have to put on a bad poker face for your wife and say you're processing and organizing. Letting her see that you're hurting doesn't make you less of a man, or even less of a red pill man. It makes you an integrated adult who is being honest about dealing with something tough. Maybe other guys' wi…
/r/askMRP26/09/20 10:19 PM
3

I've wondered about the lull I've been oddly busier the last 6 months. I'm working from home and got back 2 hours of commuting time, and virtually all the kids' activities are cancelled. But I'm busier than ever with my company downsizing, I'm working more hours. I'm also spending more time on hobbies and with the family since we're all together every day. It's actually been pretty awesome as I've refocused on what matters to me. I guess I'm busy living life and check MRP when I'm pooping to see…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/20 05:28 PM
2

I tuned in to most of this live review of OYS and wanted to thank W&S and HOA for their time. It was interesting and entertaining. One takeaway for me was near the end one guy was talking about a shit test where his wife was upstairs and wanted him to go back downstairs to get something for him. He said no, she reacted poorly, and he dealt with it ok, not letting her emotions move his frame. This resonated with me because I remember doing the same thing 6 months into my journey, trying to identi…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/20 06:53 PM
3

SBIII, I think it's time to change your username to murdererbywords. Even after you put all that effort in to illustrate, OP still doesn't see that it's his unattractiveness that makes him unattractive to his wife. Sad.
/r/askMRP14/05/20 08:54 PM
5

Watching SBIII dig through someone's post history and call them out on their BS really brightens up my day. All is right in the world.
/r/askMRP11/05/20 09:12 PM
5

I don't always use words, but when I do, I use the best words.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/20 06:30 PM
1

I've got my power rack in the garage and hitting new PRs (probably since I'm sleeping better during quarantine), so the only thing I'm missing is the flye and lat pulldown machines at the gym. If you didn't plan ahead, make due the best you can. On vacation with a crappy gym at the hotel, I put my wife on my shoulders and squatted her. That's not even warm up weight normally, but better than the 10 pounds you're using.
/r/askMRP15/04/20 06:36 PM
10

I can't upvote this loud enough. Steel's Guide is exactly what you're asking for. If you can't find what you're looking for in his excellent guide, you're not even trying.
/r/askMRP05/02/20 05:34 PM
1

Lose Fat - track everything I eat, stay under 1700 calories/day I love the ownership of where you're at, and you've got a solid plan. You've obviously been paying attention before posting your first OYS. I think you might be cutting a bit too far at 1700 calories a day. I'm 6'2" and I cut at 2600 to 2800 a day. 1700 might work for you having so much to lose, but it looks a bit too aggressive to me. As I lose weight, gain muscle, and become more attractive I’m hoping sex frequency and quality wil…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/20 05:52 PM
3

Calling r/MurderedByWords/
/r/askMRP22/01/20 09:55 PM
2

I basically go Rambo - she sends me these lovey dovey messages and I seldomly answer. Nope, the lovey dovey messages aren't comfort tests or shit tests. She's trying to keep you paying the bills working away at college while she gets railed by Chad. They're pure manipulation.
/r/askMRP22/01/20 09:49 PM
7

What the actual fuck? You're not married to this woman and lying to all of us trying to give you a hand? Walking away from this trainwreck you've made just got easier. Those aren't your kids. I'd order paternity tests today to make sure you're not paying child support down the road.
/r/askMRP22/01/20 09:45 PM
5

It's hard for this to be any more clear. She's cheating 100%. Now she knows you know (or should know) and you're still video chatting her every day trying to mate guard and make it work. If you had arrived 5 minutes later, you would have found him balls deep in her. She would have told you she was changing because she spilled wine on her pants and he slipped and fell into her dick first. You'd ask him if that's what happened while he stares you straight in the eye as he cums in your wife, then h…
/r/askMRP22/01/20 09:39 PM
5

But I want my meat.
/r/askMRP17/01/20 06:09 PM
2

Your 16 year old has a negative bank balance (around $200 I'm guessing). How did that happen? After he gets back in the black, you should show some leadership and make sure overdraft protection is turned off on his account. His debit card should get declined if he doesn't have money in the bank. Yes, it's embarrassing, but it's also a great teacher. As part of teaching kids to be responsible with money, I don't think they should have access to credit without a job (an ability to repay that debt)…
/r/askMRP07/01/20 04:50 PM
3

I just finished extreme ownership, pretty good stuff on being a reliable leader. Sidenote: I was that guy at my father's funeral a year ago. It doesn't mean anything and isn't an awesome goal to strive for. It really meant I still had to own my shit while grieving. I'm still grinding away working my MAP to be the best version of myself I can be. Why don't you focus on that instead?
/r/askMRP18/12/19 09:28 PM
2

Good that she's at least open and she knows there's a good resource. Just keep on the path.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 10:38 PM
1

Good. Maybe look at lifting straps.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 10:36 PM
2

Yes, talk to an attorney. Knowing where you stand helps remove fear because you can start making an informed exit strategy. Your wife is open to meeting with Dr Fife, is she open to doing her courses?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 10:05 PM
3

Yeah, you're probably right. I don't know if she knows the way she wants to be fucked, so she mostly avoids it.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 10:00 PM
1

Deadlifts are limited by grip strength (I use gloves). Are you using a mixed grip (one hand palm out and one hand palm in)? I start losing my grip with an overhand grip around 300 pounds. With mixed grip I'm at 425 and still going.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 08:58 PM
5

she can’t trust me because “it was the closest [she’s] felt to being raped”. Are we married to the same woman? I've been there and worse. My wife went the next step and falsely accused me of rape. Part of that is every unhappy wife being a rape victim (already linked), but I think another part of it is an extra helping of sexual shame that comes with being a female raised in the LDS culture. You're rightly picking up on her sexual anxiety because you're pushing past the comfortable control of a …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 08:50 PM
2

MRP asks about lifts (and BF%) to give us a rough estimate of how attractive you are. https://strengthlevel.com/ is a good resource to see where you're at in comparison to other lifters for your body weight. If you're below beginner, just give up. At novice level, your body will start looking better. If you're at advanced levels on the major lifts at 10% BF, you're hawt. If you're at elite levels, good job red-sfpplus.
/r/askMRP06/12/19 10:29 PM
3

If the goal is to strive for validational sex vs transactional No. Neither one of those is good. You don't have sex for validation. Your self-worth must be independent of her. Transactional is no good either, unless your wife is a hooker and that's how she makes ends meet. You're overthinking it. If she offers and you're into it, go for it and take what you want. Caveman her. If you're not into it, just say that and go do something else productive.
/r/askMRP05/12/19 06:37 PM
1

What I'm missing is formalize business experience. This is the gap. Yeah, an MBA can approximate some of that, but there's no substitute for actually doing deals. There's often a big parts of deals that come down to internal and external politics, relationships, and trust. Judging from your other comments, I think you've got the soft skills to excel there. An MBA could fill knowledge gap in things like supply chain, accounting, economics, finance, and strategy. But it sounds like those areas are…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/19 04:38 PM
1

My thought on MBAs is they don't mean jack, just like money, but it's better to have it and not need it ​ I'd imagine positioning the MBA would be similar. 18 months + $50k. I agree with the value having it in your back pocket, and that MBAs get passed out like cornflakes. I work in a Fortune 50 company, so having more reasons for your boss to tell HR you need to be paid more is a good thing. You might not get as much mileage out of it in consulting, but I don't think it'd hurt you. To u/PillUpA…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 10:55 PM
1

tangible benefits from it as a result? Yes, I was in line for a promotion and getting my MBA was the cannon fodder my manager needed to make it happen. I can't say I learned a ton, most of the material was already familiar, but it was worth my time and my salary is higher as a result. Yeah, you really can't beat SQ. Enjoy your travels!
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 06:22 PM
4

I'd figure out my MBA situation by 33 I assume that means deciding if you're going to get an MBA. I did mine through WGU and it was pretty great. It's online and competency-based so if you know the material you can fly through the course and pass it off. I probably didn't learn as much as a traditional classroom, but you can get the whole thing done in 6 months if you've got experience and bust your ass. Going fast is also a financial benefit as you pay for each 6 month semester and you can take…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/19 05:47 PM
1

I’m stopping PHUL, switching to a new program that will make me puke Sounds fun, what's the new program?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/19 08:15 PM
7

We throw "faggot" around a lot here, but I think InChargeMan is spot on.
/r/askMRP19/11/19 07:13 PM
1

Yes, you would be an asshole to next her just because she got a birth defect fixed. There are plenty of valid reasons, that's not one of them. There are mixed opinions about tattoos, but the universal consensus is boobs are good. What are you afraid of? I think you should kneel in front of her, submit to her, and swallow her whole load. She's clearly the only one with balls in this scenario.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 08:33 PM
1

This isn't the 70s. Don't be scared, they'll be really fun. It's up to her what size she goes, if it's not too big, they can look and feel quite natural.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 08:26 PM
1

What if it was one of the cheeks on your face? I think for a girl, their boobs get almost as much attention.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 08:22 PM
1

We spoke often about it and I support her choice but made clear that I'm not a fan of it and she does it all for herself. You need to ask yourself why you're not a fan of it given that it's not going to cost you anything and you get to enjoy the benefits. Two possible reasons I see are you don't want to come across as shallow, or you're worried she'll get too attractive and lose interest in you. The first reason is stupid, everyone likes boobs and you should own that. The second reason is more l…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 08:17 PM
1

He has a podcast too called The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast, look it up.
/r/RPChristians29/10/19 09:17 PM
3

it will take approximately 18 months to unfuck my marriage This is a fundamental misunderstanding of how the process works. There's no such thing as unfucking your marriage. You unfuck yourself, not your marriage. First, you become the best version of yourself, you lead your family, and then as a rule of thumb you should expect it to take at least that long before who you are now has a chance of outweighing the 18 years you were a beta chump. So, for the next 18 months focus on improving yoursel…
/r/askMRP23/10/19 03:11 PM
6

A family member had a situation where his business partner in a very successful business screwed him over. He decided to go to court and fight, and fight, and keep fighting until he got justice. Though he was in the right, the deck was stacked against him. He spent his savings then his 401k on legal expenses... "protecting" his good name and trying to get justice. In the end, he not only lost the business, his savings, and his retirement, but his house as well and had a move to a lower cost of l…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/19 05:11 PM
1

When you do clean the car (because it's what you want to do) don't make a big deal out of it. In fact, don't even mention it to your wife. Imagine these 2 scenarios: 1 - You get rejected then you go clean out the car and go running back to mommy to tell her what a good job you did and hope that'll get her wet. When she gets in the car tomorrow, the clean car smell reminds her how needy and validation seeking her pathetic husband is. 2 - You clean the car out and never mention it. When she gets i…
/r/askMRP17/10/19 06:55 PM
2

SBIII nailed it on who you need to be to raise your daughter correctly. Now to the specifics. One of Jordan Peterson's rules for life is to not let your kids to anything that makes you dislike them. That's another way of looking at setting boundaries and sticking to them. Be consistent in your enforcement of boundaries and your kids will respect you and your boundaries. If you haven't already done this, make an agreement with your wife that you'll back each other up on decisions and consequences…
/r/askMRP03/10/19 02:44 PM
1

Thanks MitW. I'm due for a re-read of SGM. I'll put that next on my list.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/19 09:20 PM
2

She won’t tell you so I will, she doesn’t want to talk about sex. Even if she engages in the conversation. You're right that's just trying to negotiate attraction and I know firsthand that doesn't work. Good reminder, thanks. Acta non verba.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/19 09:19 PM
1

I think those are really good insights that what you were doing was setting up new covert contracts and being needy for validation sex. I find myself doing some similar things, going to work or basketball late cuddling with my wife hoping she'll be in the mood for sex instead of just pursuing what I want (whether it's sex, work, or basketball). You're not alone in having the weeds grow back a bit. But having awareness that they're weeds is crucial. You realized your covert contracts, you adjuste…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 04:23 PM
2

OYS #13 – 10/1/19 – 2 months since OYS 12 Background 38, married 16 years, 3 kids (10 and younger), wife is 36 SAHM, swallowed the pill nearly 2 years ago. Physical (since OYS 12, 2 months ago) 6’2”, 186 (+1), 13.4% BF (+.3%), bench 270 (+5), squat 330 (+5), dead 410 (+5). Finally joined the 1,000 pound club, feels great. I wasn’t serious about my cut the last couple months and just maintained which was weak of me. I was too lazy to track macros and figured I’d just eat pretty healthy. I maintai…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 02:23 PM
2

Her other article is: "My Rapist Wrote Me An Apology, No I never reported him." More hits from the "expert": I Don’t Understand Straight People, Even Though I’m Married to One I’m Not Ashamed to Use Food Stamps, But Trump Wants Me to Be I’m Vegan, But Not Because I Love Animals Will I Ever Get Over My 8th Grade Crush? Isn't there some saying about only taking advice from someone you'd want to trade places with?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/19 09:58 PM
7

I feel like I have oneitis like a motherfucker and I am just being a jealous faggot. Spot on. You have oneitis. AWALT. It's your turn right now but she might cheat, she might not want you anymore. You don't need to be happy with that fact, but you need to make peace with it. Stop spying and work on getting yourself comfortable with that uncomfortable idea. You're scared of Chad (and what your wife will do with him) because he's a "better version of me but bigger, more tan." The way to not be sca…
/r/askMRP26/09/19 04:17 PM
6

Top notch stuff as usual, HOA. There are 28,000 subscribers to this sub but just a handful actively participating. That's a lot of lurkers who have licked the red pill, but are too scared to swallow it and see how much better their lives could be. I feel kind of bad for them knowing I was one of them for months before going all in. The other thing that can happen when you post in OYS is that your people can find you. My Morpheus reached out to me after an OYS post (same religion and similar care…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 10:08 PM
1

Sex is pleasurable for most people, but the physical pleasure is only part of what makes it appealing. Perhaps more important is the meaning you have attached to it. What does sex with your wife mean to you? Does it mean you're getting closer to her? Does it mean you're strong and powerful? That you're attractive? Does it mean you're just there being used for her pleasure and you're a bystander? You've given us a good snapshot of where you are now, but what's your history with sex? Did your pare…
/r/RPChristians19/09/19 07:27 PM
4

Can't tell if you meant moron, or you're assuming mormon because of basketball.
/r/askMRP12/09/19 07:15 PM
6

It's called a MAP, there's even a book. It's over there on the sidebar ----> Figuring out what you want is difficult if you've been living your life for other people. Time for some introspection, Toad.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 09:07 PM
42

Me. The answer is always me. It's both the most damning and hopeful answer possible.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 03:25 PM
0

For the sake of clarity, it's for fitchick.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/08/19 04:28 PM
7

You've got your career and lifting dialed in, good job. But you've forgotten to lead your family and you're a poor captain. At 50% consistency you get an F. Leading is your job. You set the tone, you set the agenda, you set the expectations, you plan, you instruct, you lead, you enforce. In the absence of you being the captain, your wife is stepping in with the kids and her maternal instincts say give comfort (ipads and toys) at all times. It's up to you and you can see the results of your failu…
/r/askMRP27/08/19 04:14 PM
1

Replacing "charity" with "frame" seemed a bit odd at first, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. He did everything he did because of charity... giving love with no thought of what he'd get in return. No covert contracts, no hoping others would love him, in fact expecting to be despised for it. He knew who he was, he knew his mission, and everything he did was absolutely from his frame. Moralizing aside, what a great example of frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/19 05:02 PM
1

Paul would be proud. The parallels are pretty deep here. Well done.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/19 04:49 PM
3

Stop DEERing dude. Every word of this is DEERing. Every word of your exchange with johneyapocalypse was DEERing and it exposes your insecurity (lack of frame). This post is being left here and not deleted as an example of what not to do, and what a lack of frame and too much ego protection looks like. Think about that for a long while, and no, don't respond. Your frame is so fragile and you ego needs so much protection that you treat every comment from all of us as an attack on you that you need…
/r/askMRP22/08/19 08:59 PM
3

Yeah, you're over 100 years too late for Mormonism to work like that for you. And even then it was more like "Hey, Nancy said you were acting like an idiot which isn't attractive, so you're not getting any from me or her or Eliza or Emma."
/r/askMRP19/08/19 03:40 PM
7

I like it, needs more words though: I read the sidebar yesterday – No you didn’t, read the books, faggot I run/do crossfit – Lift, faggot She said she feels... – Frame, be the oak, faggot She said she loves me but she’s not in love with me – You’re not attractive, be attractive, faggot I used to be in shape – You’re fat, eat better, faggot She withholds sex – OI, faggot She doesn’t respect me – Become worthy of respect, faggot She criticizes me – STFU, faggot I did [beta thing, grand gesture, ch…
/r/askMRP15/08/19 10:24 PM
10

I'm with red on this one. Women are all about covert communication. The fact that she dragged you to the gym and overtly communicated to you that getting fat was a reason she's not feeling attracted to you is an absolute gift. It also seems like a desperate last attempt to get you to just get it an man up and be someone she can be attracted to. You've got all the tools laid out for you here. Get to work!
/r/askMRP15/08/19 03:25 PM
6

Steel took the time to give me a kick in the ass like that when I first got here and puked all over the place. It hurt my eyes like I'd never used them before, but was exactly what I needed to hear. Matrixtospartan wearing his Morpheus shades dropping RP truths on OP without varnish... it's a thing of beauty. 3/1 odds OP decides it's too hard and gives up and we never see him post in OYS or make any progress.
/r/askMRP15/08/19 03:16 PM
3

I fell for her hard. She fell for me harder... for awhile. I asked her to be exclusive with me, then I got deployed and she broke up with me a couple days ago in a very graceful way. Very mature. I think your RP knowledge is serving you well here. You can recognize your oneitis, that's the first step to not having it. You also know she fell for you hard. Everything you were doing to be the best version of yourself was attractive to her. You also know it was her hypergamy that led her to break up…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 08:18 PM
2

OYS #12 – 8/6/19 Background 38, married 16 years, 3 kids (all under 10), wife is 36 SAHM. Career beta, had starfish for a decade, swallowed the pill nearly 2 years ago. Physical (since OYS 11, 5 months ago) 6’2”, 185 (-5), 13.1% BF (-1.1%), bench 265 (flat), squat 325 (-10), dead 405 (+10). I switched to wendler’s 5/3/1 BBB at the start of the year and dropped my max weights in line with the program. I’ve now worked my way back up (except for squats lagging from a knee injury) and I’m back on th…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 06:31 PM
1

+1 for Wendler's BBB. I was stalled out with 5x5 stronglifts at 125 for my OHP. Doing BBB since the start of the year, I hit 160 for OHP. It's a great program to break plateaus. Also, strengthlevel.com is a great resource. Milestone 1 for you should be Novice level, 2 is intermediate, 3 is advanced. You might be getting close to your goal when you're at the high end of advanced. I'm nearly 2 years in and into the intermediate range for all my lifts. I look infinitely better than two years ago. S…
/r/askMRP24/07/19 07:32 PM
3

This is the best comment on this thread. Go read every single word in Steel's post and get started following what you learn. Then come back and ask questions that don't signal your ignorance. You've had more spoon feeding than I expected in this thread already, and Steel's guide lays the entire praxology out for you. Now shut up and get to work.
/r/askMRP26/06/19 06:38 PM
5

I initiated twice early AM since we both couldn't sleep and she was just scrolling through facebook. Got two hard nos. I've got a great rule of thumb for initiating in line with DL4 (thanks u/redesquire). If you initiate during the day and get a hard no, that's when you withdraw your time and attention. You don't go all Rambo and storm out of the house to lift for 4 hours, but move on to all the important stuff on your list you need to do that doesn't involve her. I also stop kino for the day. T…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/19 07:31 PM
2

This hypoxia video is great: Control room: Alright sir, if you don't get on oxygen you're going to die Guy: I don't want to die Control room: Put on your oxygen mask Guy: (smiles blankly at the wall) Don't be that guy. MRP is the control room telling you to put on your mask. Nobody else can do it for you. You have to be the one to take control of your life.
/r/askMRP17/06/19 07:16 PM
1

That's pretty remarkable that you're able to attend weekly and enjoy all the social benefits for your family, preach red pill truths from the pulpit while being an open apostate, and somehow not be a project of the ward council. However you framed that up, nice work!
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/19 07:22 PM
1

Not sure if "Dreadful '19" is better than "Grinding" but as always, I appreciate the 60 DoD effort and all the great content that is put out year after year inspiring me to be better. Thanks all.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/19 04:04 PM
2

As my brother who started from roughly the same place at the same time, I feel a bit like I've been on this journey with you. You're right about the social consequences of letting the ward know you're out. The ministering visits will increase and you'll become a project for the ward council. You can get through that, my own brothers have, though they left the church before they had families. A fellow MRPer here did almost the exact same thing you did a few years ago, but I think not believing in…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/19 06:50 PM
2

I took her out to a great steakhouse, had a great time at the beach and I wanted some passionate sex. I took her out to a great steakhouse + had a great time at the beach = I get to have passionate sex. That's a covert contract however you want to spin it. Go ready NMMNG again and hopefully understand it this time.
/r/askMRP31/05/19 05:31 PM
1

How should I live my life? Asking this question shows us you have zero frame. You got bullied into marrying your wife before you wanted to, you're getting pushed around by her and her dreams of your future (spoiler: there's no such thing as living without stress), and you "can't be happy" because people say you're stupid for getting married so early. You don't have a clue what you want in life or where you're going. What's your dream? What kind of life to do want to live? Do you want to live in …
/r/askMRP28/05/19 07:47 PM
2

My overarching theme is to be my best self and live my best life, I think that could be the same for every man. But I need more details than that so my mission is broken down into 4 areas: family, personal, physical, and career. In family my mission is around leading the family, having a plan, setting the tone (fun), and developing deep relationships with each member. My personal mission is around being engaging, informed, well-read, and traveled, developing my hobbies, continual improvement, an…
/r/askMRP23/05/19 08:06 PM
2

You're going to need lots of patience, and having a baby in the house will change the dynamic in your house. Your baby will be adorable, and you'll love him. He'll also drive you crazy being up at all hours. Your wife will have a normal motherly biological urge to care for that baby at all costs. You and your needs and wants will be further down her priorities. This will test your frame, especially the first 6 months. It would be easy to go blue and be butthurt and resentful in this scenario (as…
/r/RPChristians15/05/19 05:24 PM
3

Double endorsement? Ok, it's going on the list.
/r/askMRP08/05/19 07:27 PM
1

I'm using the silent treatment No. Don't do that. Don't do that even if she's being a huge cunt. Withdraw your time, attention, and affection for the day (that day only). Engage as minimally necessary and generally STFU, don't completely ignore her, but be less responsive with one word answers, respond to her text in an hour instead of 2 minutes. Don't walk around like a chick with PMS using the silent treatment to punish her. That's a pussy move. Playing the silent game for days on end is opera…
/r/askMRP08/05/19 07:04 PM
1

I had to look that one up. Never saw Tropic Thunder but damn, that's spot on!
/r/askMRP08/05/19 06:08 PM
2

I think that's the sign right there that you've metabolized the pill. You're just off living your awesome life pursuing your mission.
/r/RPChristians03/05/19 08:23 PM
1

She was in her Gs. Not yet DTF. Ok, that's different, my assumption was wrong. Keep engaging her when she starts teasing/flirting like that. Righteous Dominion You can tell me what you think it means. Personally I stick with lead and preside. In any case, walking away from sex with your wife because she refused to blow you first is the opposite of OI. If she had blown you, you would have felt validated and great. Because she said no, you reacted and walked away. No matter how calmly you walked a…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/19 03:15 PM
1

Quit thinking about blowing my brains out. Go get some professional help. This is serious. You love her and being in a rough patch hurts. I should know. But you've got to be able to stand on your own two feet. What if she's just done with you? Are you done with life? Hell no. You've got plenty to live for. Go back to your mission and rediscover what those things are. They don't rely on your wife. a wife who constantly pulls back their trust and sabotages things for no compelling reason I've been…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/19 07:59 PM
5

Exercise righteous dominion. No. You're not a drill sargent with a wife who obeys your command or she'll have to do 50 pushups. The goal is to be such an attractive man that your wife (and others) want to be around you and make you happy. You're so attractive that if she doesn't blow you, some other girl will try to (even if you don't let them). That's dread. I suggest you work on that part of your mission a little more. However, I've gotten several comments from others on looking thinner. I'm g…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/19 04:08 PM
1

Very cool, I've been looking for a way to work in accessory work around my wendler 5/3/1 main lifts and this works great. I tested it out yesterday and did exercises I've never tried and liked the variety and soreness from working different muscles. I like that you can get into your workout and substitute the planned lift with another similar lift from a whole list, or override their suggested weight and reps (adding my wendler 5/3/1 numbers in). Thanks for the tip. I like it!
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/19 09:59 PM
1

Good to know, thanks. I think I'm hitting my stride living the life I want to, but waiting for the slack to pull out of the 1,000 foot rope. I guess it will or it won't. Glad to know your PE changed along with the abundance and lack of pressure.
/r/askMRP24/04/19 05:23 PM
3

Honestly, what tolerance for drama - in a normal relationship is being used to combat drama in my other life - the one with my wife. If anything, she is probably jealous of that. This right here. She wants to matter to you a little more and knows she's way down on your list after your kids, your business, your divorce, your DV charge. The only thing in your life she knows she's ahead of is Shelly (but even she is grandfathered ahead of her). I think Perseaus is right, she might be on her way out…
/r/askMRP23/04/19 08:48 PM
1

Sex just became fun and I could maintain control while doing all kinds of things that would usually send me over the top. Did this happen around the same time as the 1,000 foot rope tightening?
/r/askMRP23/04/19 03:35 PM
9

Pics or GTFO, faggot. Fixed that for you.
/r/askMRP18/04/19 09:38 PM
2

That's because you have the audacity to go through their post history and call them on their bullshit. How dare you not let them keep up their charade. Glad you're doing the heavy lifting. Uncle Chad hasn't been around lately to call these pussies faggots.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/19 09:09 PM
19

Username checks out. Uriah got sent to the battle front to be killed so David could fuck his wife. Your wife is sending you to the battle front to get your ass killed, or so she won't feel bad about fucking Chad while you were a steaming pile of unattractive. There's no way this ends well for you. Listen to admiral ackbar. It's a trap. Keep on the improvement path you're on and keep treating it like a shit test. A&A that you're only in if it's the whole [insert closest NFL team] cheerleader team…
/r/askMRP18/04/19 08:47 PM
4

I’m going to make a big list of things that scare me and just started ticking them off every god damn week. This is a good idea, I'd love to see that in your next OYS along with your results. I'm fucking terrified. I'm literally terrified to upset the status quo. I'm upset to take irrevocable action. I was terrified too a year ago when my changes upset the status quo balance in my marriage that we'd had for 15 years and I was seriously looking at divorce for the first time. I was scared that I w…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/19 07:58 PM
9

I'm a pretty alpha guy OK, great. You're off to a good start. My girlfriend during this time wanted love notes, fancy dinners and constant reassurance I wasn't seeing anyone else. I gave her all those things to her and more. Wait, no. That sounds a little beta. She still tried pushing me away even when I tried my hardest. When she pushed me away she tried breaking up with me 4 times. Wow, pushing away when you're such a nice guytm I'm shocked! Four times she tried to break up, then realized what…
/r/askMRP12/04/19 05:45 PM
12

Who are you kidding Red? You'd just pay someone to fix the wall.
/r/askMRP12/04/19 05:26 PM
1

Welcome. You're in the right place, and heading in the right direction. There are lots of us here. Others have alluded to this, but the paradox is you've come here with a mission to improve your sex life with your wife. That is the wrong mission. You need to find your mission and pursue it and if she has the good sense to come along, great. Getting sex with her can't be your mission anymore. I wanted more but never pushed. You weren't being authentic, and you were scared of losing what you did h…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/19 06:41 PM
9

If it bothered her that I wore cologne I would never wear it again to work. If I was wearing calvin klein boxers to work and she said don't wear those I would stop. She is selfish and keeps doing it despite me not liking it. She has frame, and you don't. This is all completely in her frame. Wear whatever you want to work and stop worrying about what she's wearing or doing. Yes, she's getting attention at work, and yes, it's male attention, and maybe she is cheating. So what does this mean? You'r…
/r/askMRP08/04/19 05:14 PM
2

The good news is you're headed in the right direction. Getting out of the 3-way therapy was good, and it sounds like things have calmed down with the babysitter. Your wife sounds fun, I like her style. She's getting uncomfortable with your changes and feels the familiar marriage dynamic changing. It's changing for the better, but she doesn't know that yet. Regarding WISNIFG, you're right, it's dense and doesn't get to the point. When I was getting started, I had to take notes and made an outline…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 03:35 PM
1

Jesus spent his whole life serving, but one example I think is instructive, when Jesus washed the apostles' feet. That's a job that the most lowly of servants would do because you're wiping miles of nasty dust and sweat off your guest's feet. He did it to teach a lesson: let he who is mightiest among you be the servant. Basically none of you are better than any job, don't think you're special just because you know the truth. Because of where Jesus was coming from and the lesson he was teaching, …
/r/RPChristians02/04/19 05:26 AM
1

Logging everything in myfitnesspal is key, estimate if you have to but best to weigh everything when you're first starting out. I've found after a year and a half of being serious about lifting and eating right, that pretty much everything I eat is in my recent items list in MFP. I'll also add that meal prep has been huge for me. My cafeteria at work has a salad bar, but most of the food isn't that good or healthy. Go get the noodle bowl and you're downing a ton of noodles with a couple veggies …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/19 10:31 PM
3

I put my happiness in sex in her hands, and I'm frustrated when she refuses You are not attractive to your wife and this is fundamentally why. You're relying on her for your happiness. Stop and think about that for a second. She has her own life to live, her own thoughts and feelings and stuff to deal with, and she has to manage your happiness too? You're like a leech sucking the life and happiness out of her because you can't generate your own. That's exhausting for her and is why you're not at…
/r/askMRP28/03/19 03:29 PM
1

Am I correct in thinking this is now a truly dead relationship and she's just too weak to breakup like she actually wants to? Yes. Look at her actions, not her words. Her actions say she's done and wants you to kill the puppy because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Persaeus is right, you're a free agent now. Go enjoy the new city and build an awesome life there. If she comes to her senses and follows later, she's going to need to compete for your time and attention. Right now, she can't …
/r/askMRP27/03/19 05:47 PM
3

Can a poorly loaded dishwasher just be a poorly loaded dishwasher? It's not about the dishwasher. It's about how she's treating you (shitty). It's about having your own mental point of origin and being amused by little things like that instead of getting all defensive. The guys here are poking you left and right to see if you'll DEER, and you're jumping at every chance. Learn to STFU here, and with your wife, and everyone else.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 09:54 PM
1

I've been doing wendler's 5/3/1 BBB for a few months, just started cycle 5. Still recovering from a knee injury and have been taking it easy on squats and deadlifts. Got a cortizone shot and brace last week and it's feeling good. Goals: I'm at 13.6% BF now, I want to cut for summer to sub 11%. Last year's cut for summer was successful, so following the same plan 2600 cal/day at 50/20/30 carb/fat/protien macros. I need to be more disciplined about snacking while cutting. Everything goes into myfi…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/19 07:07 PM
1

Giddy up!
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/19 06:51 PM
1

What's the functional difference between truly happy and ignorantly happy? The steak sure tastes like steak in the matrix. I think the problem with ignorantly happy is those darn unfulfilled covert contracts.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/19 06:17 PM
1

Covey has another book called The Divine Center. The thesis is that happiness/joy/meaning comes from centering your life on God, but really it's about frame. It describes how your frame could be centered on your spouse, friends, work, acquiring stuff, or even your enemies. This being MRP, you can discard God being the center of your life, and instead center on your understanding of your purpose in life (kind of the same thing). What brings meaning to you? That should be your mission.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/19 06:15 PM
3

Horny is right. Some guys can get by on 5 hours of sleep. I need 6 to function properly. See if you can get up to 6-7 range. Also, 80 hours is a ton of work. 20 miles a day walking with no sun sounds like you're doing security at night or in a big warehouse. Work towards a single job that pays enough instead of killing yourself with all the hours. Hint: it's not going to be blue collar. Having that 30-40 hours a week back to live your life will do wonders for your mental health. Your diet sounds…
/r/askMRP15/03/19 05:40 PM
1

I did the same thing tracking calories and had a very successful cut. Then bulking I stopped keeping track. Starting to cut again I realized I need to track otherwise I bullshit myself thinking I should have a snack before I go to bed when I already hit my macros for the day. I completely disagree about tracking sex. If you're at the point of tracking sex, it's already bad. If you're happy with your sex life, you're good. I don't see any good coming from a sex spreadsheet, even if you're a data …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/03/19 04:44 PM
1

Did it 16 years ago. Love it. $1,000 for both eyes, highly rated place.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/03/19 07:37 PM
1

You're the captain. That's what captains do.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/03/19 07:31 PM
1

Dude, that's the first thing on the reading list for a reason. Don't put it on your list, buy it and start reading it right now. You seriously need to work on the basics. Also, because you're new, read Steel's excellent MRP guide.
/r/askMRP12/03/19 03:03 PM
1

I track workouts, weights, reps, calories, macros, weight, BF%, and finances. Those are all for me to determine how I'm progressing toward my goals. The only thing I track from my wife is the start of shark week because I know I'll have an emotional storm brewing in 2-3 days. This isn't necessary and a storm could come any time, but it's a pattern I've noticed. I use the above to see if I have my shit together, in her eyes. Stop that. Figure out if you have your shit together yourself by looking…
/r/askMRP11/03/19 10:42 PM
3

Needless to say, it turns her panties into a virtual "data lake." Slow clap. That's next level nerdy cringe.
/r/askMRP11/03/19 10:34 PM
4

Wow, I must have glossed over that one in the wall of text. OP, this is sad. You're being bossed around by your two year old? Fuck. Forget trying to get out of your wife's frame, start with getting out of your 2 year old's frame and be a fucking dad. You're in charge, not your kid. Act like it. Once you've got that figured out, you'll be further on the way to building a frame worth something.
/r/askMRP07/03/19 05:37 AM
2

Good signs are: you don't want to give up, you realize you're fucked (though you're blaming it on your childhood, you need to get over that and own your shit, all of it), you want to unfuck yourself, and you've got friends who see what a mess you are. Follow the 5 steps in my other comment and there's hope for you. Or don't, we don't really care.
/r/askMRP07/03/19 05:33 AM
6

OP, we're ripping on you for good reason. We're taking the time to rip you a new one because many of us have been there before, though perhaps not as cringy as you. Sometimes you need a 2x4 to the head. This dynamic with your wife is all your fault. MRP can help, but you've got to be a man, accept responsibility, and unfuck yourself. For your sake and your wife's sake, I hope you step up to the challenge. But I'm calling 73% odds you'll give up, delete your posts, and we'll never see you again. …
/r/askMRP06/03/19 10:27 PM
2

Fuck. You are a complete mess. You're all over the place. Your wife is not attracted to you, and it's because you're not attractive. You're right, you're a pussy and she already has one of those. She sees you as another child she has to take care of to cut down on your whining. You come across so needy it's painful to even read, and it's extremely unattractive. She probably sees you like wind up humping guy. Your initiations with her are begging her to service you. What are you? A car? It's not …
/r/askMRP06/03/19 10:14 PM
1

OYS #11 – 3/5/19 – 10 weeks since OYS 10 Background 37, married 15 years, 3 kids (all under 10), wife is 36 SAHM. Career beta, never had a dead bedroom but had starfish for a decade, swallowed the pill 17 months ago. Physical (since OYS 10, 10 weeks ago) 6'2", 191 (+.5), 14.2% BF (new monitor), bench 240 (-25), squat 315 (-20), dead 365 (-30). I’m 4 cycles into wendler 5/3/1 BBB which is going well. I’ve put lower 1RM numbers because with this program you only do 90% of your training max, not ac…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/19 03:45 PM
2

u/UEMcGill is right, your boss is being a prick but they haven't found someone for 24x7 coverage yet. Follow his advice to re-open negotiations. When you get the negotiations re-opened, you'd better have a reasonable proposal you can take to his boss. I had a job that needed 24x7 coverage from a team of 5 guys. The coverage consisted of taking the bat phone home with you and answering calls from the C-level guys at any hour. There were actually very few calls, but we took turns and you got a ext…
/r/askMRP01/03/19 06:18 PM
1

u/donmcde gave a good overview of the 4 things you need. If you can pick them up second hand, that's great. I've found some 5 and 10 pound plates at goodwill in the past, but the majority of my setup was from Amazon with free shipping as I couldn't find quality used stuff cheaper. Here's the best stuff for the best deals I found for quality stuff: Rack: Full power rack with 800 lb capacity $225. Barbell: Olympic bar 700 lb capacity $98. Bench: Adjustable bench 800 lb capacity $76. Weights: CAP o…
/r/askMRP01/03/19 05:22 PM
4

Last summer my wife did something similar. I'd been a little rambo my first 6 months of MRP, too much talking and not enough STFU. She wanted to talk about all my problems, I didn't engage for several days and finally said ok, let's talk. She falsely accused me of rape, tried to lock me out of the house, said we should separate, took the kids away overnight the next night with no notice, and planned to take them out of state for the rest of summer. This was all super-aggressive for her and outsi…
/r/askMRP27/02/19 09:00 PM
3

I got the full power rack in the garage, it's $225 on amazon. I love it.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/19 11:17 PM
1

Direct answer to your question, nobody knows if your marriage is salvageable. She's still putting up with you which is a good sign. The more important question is whether you are salvageable. She's a reflection of you, and it's not pretty. But even you are salvageable. All the tools are here for you to become the best version of yourself, and guess what, the best version of yourself is attractive to women, maybe even to your wife. Start with NMMNG and WISNIFG, dial in your diet and lift heavy th…
/r/askMRP21/02/19 06:48 PM
1

on going ass fucking he’s been receiving I almost laughed out loud at this in light of red's great comment on anal. It's made me seriously consider some prostate play myself (no homo).
/r/askMRP21/02/19 06:22 PM
1

Gave pajamas and a card. Got a card, my favorite candy, and a fantastic hour and a half full body massage.
/r/askMRP18/02/19 06:11 PM
17

He must be feeling the love today. Maybe Mrs. MCT made him heart-shaped pancakes this morning.
/r/askMRP14/02/19 05:03 PM
2

balls deep in blue pill Seems like an oxymoron to me.
/r/askMRP11/02/19 05:51 PM
1

Cooking isn't alpha or beta, it's a life skill everyone should have. I cook a lot at home. Sundays I meal prep lunches for the coming week and my family eats whatever that is for dinner Sunday night. I lead by example with a healthy diet. A couple weeks ago had some friends over for sushi that I made. It's fun to make, not that hard, and (most) people love it. Last weekend made some great curry, friends brought over some naan, and I made spring rolls for the first time. I was busy with the sprin…
/r/askMRP11/02/19 05:50 PM
2

Your updates have been valuable to me as I've been working on myself, thanks for your contributions. Hope the career change is what you're hoping for. I switched gears in my career a decade ago and I'm so much happier for it. As I stand in front of this mirror, I'm reminded of the person who used to stare back at me in despair. NEVER AGAIN Looks like you already got the most important benefit of MRP. Good luck, man.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/19 10:05 PM
1

I should clean even if it is her or not in order to keep the environment free of things that can make you sick. u/creating_my_life is spot on, but this is just disgusting. Your apartment is such a mess that you're worried about getting a disease from it? You're lucky she hasn't already left you and this overt communication from here is probably her last attempt to get you to act like a man before she moves on. Your LTR is exactly right, you're a child. Put on your big boy pant and start acting l…
/r/askMRP04/02/19 05:59 PM
3

You referred to yourself as alpha three times, but the only behavior you describe... following her around like a beta bitch to get her forgiveness after a fight... sounds anything but alpha. You should read Steel's MRP Guide before posting questions like this. But to directly answer your question, you should read NMMNG and WISNIFG. That's 101 level reading and will help you deal with "fights" with your wife. This stuff you're fighting about, if you take a minute and think did you actually do som…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/19 07:52 PM
3

Do you say you've seen the light or acta non veba? Your answer was in your question. You shut your mount and get to work improving yourself. Lift, eat better, stop being needy and validation seeking, own your shit. If and when she starts asking questions as she notices your improvements, you can say something vague about you want to be your best self. You absolutely should not start off with saying you've seen the light. That just sets up an expectation for you to fail to meet, and makes it abou…
/r/askMRP16/01/19 10:27 PM
1

It is obvious that what "being a man" means is different in different cultures. Yes, that's true. Different particular activities are considered masculine in different cultures, and those are taught by the culture. However, core masculine traits of stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression, are natural positive masculinity and fundamental innate part of being male. This is the nature side of the nature vs nurture argument. What is bad is the APA taking those core masculine traits and e…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/19 04:52 PM
1

I agree, most of the guidelines are generally positive. But #1 sticks out as problematic to me: 1 - Psychologists strive to recognize that masculinities are constructed based on social, cultural, and contextual norms. This goes back to the blank slate argument Rollo was making. It's explicitly stating that masculinity is a social construct, not a fundamental part of the male gender. This is nature vs nurture and they're saying it's all nurture. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Being born ma…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/19 08:35 PM
19

While I agree with Rollo's dire analysis of the feminist-driven effort to remove men and portray masculinity as toxic, and how bad the state of our society is for masculine men, I think there's important nuance here that we'd be remiss to overlook. Rollo says the thrust of the guidelines is against traditional masculinity with these four characteristics: stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression. However, the guidelines themselves define masculinity centered on the following standards:…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/19 05:10 PM
2

Holy crap Steel, this is fantastic! You've brought it all into one place with logical organization and enough depth to keep me busy improving myself indefinitely. Have my biggest upvote.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/19 09:41 PM
2

I'll own that captain save-a-ho badge as a short term goal. hope you have some hard dates/stops built in I do, and she knows it. Last summer I said let's take a year to work on our individual issues, then re-evaluate. I'm a man of great patience, but not infinite.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/18 10:34 PM
2

Thanks and yeah, I was scared and I gave her all the power for the last decade. Not scared anymore, but I'd prefer not to burn it all down. Might be a sunk cost fallacy. I have a timeline and it's on the order of months, not years. I'm seeing progress little by little. Having her initiate during shark week recently was new... pretty messy though.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/18 10:26 PM
1

I am terrified of the emotional shit-storm Yeah, I was in the summer when she accused me of rape and wanted to separate and take the kids out of state for the summer. I was scared of losing her, losing the kids, and losing my quality of life. I took stock of myself and decided I would be fine if my marriage ended. It would suck for the kids and the divorce rape would be painful financially, but I talked to a lawyer and made an exit plan. I'm giving her time to address her issues because I don't …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/18 05:29 PM
2

Do yourself a favor and read BPP's book. Ok, I'll do that. You're spot on about her 15 years ago when she was able to have a normal sexual relationship with me. She was trying to qualify herself to me, and she was feeling dread from girls who would flirt with me in front of her. She did everything possible to control me and avoid any such situations, and being a committed beta, I went along with it for a decade. And you're absolutely right about the path to generate attraction. I know the steps.…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/12/18 09:23 PM
1

Where are you with improving your style and hygiene? Pretty dialed in. A couple new suits last year (wife commented it's my best suit ever and I should get the pants in every color), new pants a size smaller, a few new t-shirts, flannels, belts, shoes, and dress work shirts in the last few months. Tooth whitening early this year, could probably do another round. And that reminds me, I'm due for a haircut. You still need to get your head straight. You are totally in your wife's frame. It's time t…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/18 11:37 PM
1

OYS #10 – 12/18/18 Background 37, married 15 years, 3 kids (all under 10), wife is 36 SAHM, career beta, swallowed the pill 14 months ago. Physical (since One Year In Report 2 months ago) 6'2", 190.5 (+.5), 10.6% BF (flat), bench 265, squat 335, dead 395. I’m a few months into a clean bulk, but wasn’t making much progress bulking with 5x5 SL, so I switched to wendler 5/3/1 BBB which is going well. Also figured out this week I wasn’t getting all the benefit from curls that I could because I’ve be…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/18 04:09 PM
1

she tells me that it's "all I want to do lately" "Yep, that's absolutely what I want to do" or "nah babe, sometimes I want to have threesomes" Staying silent there is a bit autistic. I then reposition so I can get to it and she smacks me away... she turns and asks "something wrong" I tell her "no" Yes, something is wrong and she knows it. Instead of owning it and having fun with it, you lie and say no. That's a faggot move, then you climb back into your beta box to please her, an even more faggo…
/r/askMRP13/12/18 05:16 PM
2

track calories and macros to get BF way down This. You've got to dial in your diet to a 500 calorie defecit to your TDEE. It'll take time but you'll be strong and unfat.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/18 09:41 PM
1

The short, direct answer to your question is yes. She may be wildly more successful than you. There's not a limit on what she can accomplish professionally. There's a female top executive at my fortune 50 company who just this year won 3 deals worth $25 billion. She's probably the front runner for the CEO job when the current guy retires. You know why? She kicks ass at her job. More importantly for you though, is the question of why should you care about how successful your ex girlfriend is. Tha…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/18 07:23 PM
4

Nice work, and good call on getting your T checked. I'm thinking that will help with your focus at work. Keep the pedal to the metal.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/18 04:33 PM
23

TL;DR: My bisexual oneitis wanted an open relationship. I was cool with it when it meant threesomes for me. Now I'm sad that she's banging her boss. Dude, this is what you signed up for as painful as that is. I don't know what "ethical" non-monogamy is, but it doesn't seem like there were any boundaries at all in your marriage. Confronting her, mate guarding her, and issuing ultimatums isn't helping. You're trying to draw boundaries after the fact and looking more insecure and less attractive wi…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/18 08:15 PM
2

Wendler's 5/3/1 has a progression. Week one is 1 set of 5 reps at 60%, 75%, then 85% your training max (90% your 1RM). Week 2 is 3 reps at: 70%, 80%, 90%. Week 3 is 5 reps at 75%, 3 reps at 85%, and 1+ at 95%. If you want hypertrophy as well, add 5 sets of 10 reps at 50%.
/r/askMRP06/12/18 07:33 PM
2

We sat down and went through the covenant together. In the marriage She covenants to give her self to her husband. I simply asked "who is going to be the judge of that? How far down the road were you when you had that conversation? Sounds like you had become a new man, but there was some lingering resistance from her. How did you bring the topic up?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/18 06:10 PM
2

This is top-notch stuff. I think it's largely what NMMNG and WISNIFG are about without addressing shame directly. Thanks for the insight and framework to look at shame. I'm going to teach this to my kids because I see them having shame for things they should only have guilt about, and that's not good.
/r/RPChristians06/12/18 04:46 PM
1

Being followers of Christ, I think a major difficulty in applying amoral MRP principles is our morality. Infidelity and spinning plates is off the table to a married man holding Christian values. As a comment to this post in MRP said, that makes dread a bit of a paper tiger. If your wife trusts you to keep your promises, she need not have any dread. Passive dread can still be effective, but the highest levels of dread ends with divorce, not cheating. The thing I think is a little unique for the …
/r/RPChristians06/12/18 04:31 PM
1

When the wife has to compensate for that missing piece, misery follows for both. Well said. I think modern women are told by the feminist movement that not only can they do anything, but anything a man can do they can do better. So when a husband lacks frame and leadership, the modern wife picks up the slack. She is completely capable of leading, but she loses respect for her husband who becomes the biggest child in the house in her eyes. Without respect, desire disappears.
/r/RPChristians06/12/18 04:00 PM
5

dread in the LDS culture is largely a paper tiger due to temple covenants This is exactly right. ONS and spinning plates doesn't align with LDS values. Those temple covenants function as insurance for the LDS wife that you're not going to step out no matter how poorly she treats you, and if you do, you can lose your membership in the church and your ticket to heaven. This perspective reinforces oneitis with a sunk cost fallacy. Short of having an affair, the key is to change your mindset. You're…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 09:23 PM
2

Dang. That's brutal and directly on point.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 08:22 PM
2

Wentworth... that's pretty subtle. You've got the information you need, what are you doing about it? Start posting to OYS to get feedback and make progress.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 04:57 PM
3

Yeah, so those older couples wearing name tags are full-time missionaries. Mormons are encouraged to serve a full-time mission after high school, kind of a coming of age personal growth thing. There are also missions for older married couples. These usually happen after retirement and gives the couple something productive to be doing with their time.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 04:54 PM
3

I’m... fat. Wife doesn’t respect me and has zero desire for me. There's a correlation there. But I'm willing to bet the lack of respect comes from your beta behavior. Walking on eggshells around her, deferring to her on everything, helping out more around the house to try and get her to want you more. You're forcing her to be the leader of the family. She doesn't want that job. She wants you to step up and preside, but if she tells you, then you're just doing what she says and you're not leading…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 04:43 PM
3

Glad you've found this place. You have all the tools you need to really start living your life. Get your diet dialed in and that doesn't mean starve yourself, do your homework about proper nutrition and make necessary changes. Figure out your TDEE and start eating quality food at a 500 calorie deficit. Get to the gym and get started lifting and pushing your limits. Digging yourself out of this hole and becoming attractive again is going to take you a couple years. More importantly, don't chat wi…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 04:31 PM
1

Yep, this is extra hard mode, and unwittingly exactly what we signed up for.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 04:12 PM
4

Double points to Red for the ancient meme reference.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/18 03:57 PM
7

When I first started reading your posts a year ago and heard about Shelly and her friend at the crawfish party, my hamster started spinning. I started wondering if I was Shelly's husband getting cucked and didn't know it. My wife's opsec is pretty low, I know all her passwords and can look at her location and search history. I've watched her searches go from every possible mental disorder she thought I might have to explain why I'm not a compliant beta anymore, to last week searching for sexual …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/18 08:48 PM
4

Yesterday morning I told her I have an assignment for her. She said I know, clean the kitchen. I said you should do that too, but your assignment is tell me how you want to celebrate your birthday next week (pretty busy day already). The incident with my son went down after I got home yesterday while she was frantically cleaning the front room for guests who were coming to visit. Last night she finished her project, and told me she wanted to go to dinner early and still do all the scheduled norm…
/r/askMRP29/11/18 05:07 AM
1

Dude, great work! You've made tremendous progress and it's been great to watch your updates coming from a similar background and beginning date. Keep kicking ass, and we'll get that mormon MRP sub going soon.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/18 09:11 PM
1

If he had said there were texts from women at work that his wife could find on his phone, I'd agree. But he said texts to women at work. Smells like a transparent attempt to manufacture some dread.
/r/askMRP08/11/18 06:28 PM
1

trying to find a tribe that fit with my standards You need to put some serious thought into what your standards are. The standards of the LDS church are high and can be difficult to live. If those are your standards, great. If they aren't, you need to determine for yourself what you believe and what your standards are. The LDS church works for me, it doesn't work for others. That's fine. More important is you coming to know yourself and living in accordance with who you are. Figuring this out wi…
/r/RPChristians06/11/18 08:22 PM
2

she threatend to... divorce because it was already a shit load I had on my bill What? She threatened divorce because you masturbated and told her about it? Does she threaten divorce if you forget to buy milk at the store too? I didn't gave in. But she said you're sleeping on the couch for two nights. I got to slap your dick twice and we don't have sex for another two weeks. I hope you didn't say yes, but even if you did, tell her you changed your mind. You're sleeping in your bed, period. She's …
/r/askMRP31/10/18 10:15 PM
3

I was going to tell OP how the dread levels are basic sidebar stuff and how easy it is to find the DL list. But then I went to the sidebar and didn't see the good professor's list anywhere. Maybe I'm blind, but I'd suggest the mods add the dread levels post to the Red Pill 101 list.
/r/askMRP31/10/18 04:21 PM
1

I'm in a similar boat. We are in counseling and it's essentially me observing while he counsels with her. She has all the signs of childhood trauma, but hasn't shared it yet. I'd recommend someone who is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist (CSAT). Those qualifications should get you someone who is trained specifically in sexual dysfunction and marriage dynamics. I think since this will be after your FMOFY talk, it'll be up to her to go do th…
/r/askMRP30/10/18 10:14 PM
1

Examine accusations against yourself, if they are bullshit ignore them. Yeah, they're bullshit. She tried to gaslight and say she never made the accusation. I didn't let it go until she had recanted to multiple witnesses. It's in the past now, doesn't come up anymore, and she knows it's a hard boundary for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/18 03:56 PM
1

way better options than what you are married to Yeah, there are much better options as far as sex life, and I'm sure I could attract them. Outside of sex, she's a quality woman, works hard, good mom, and we've built a good life together with great kids. It might be a bit of a sunken cost fallacy, but it's worth me doing the work and letting the 1,000 foot rope pull taut. I've still got more time before I'm where I want to be so I'm not ready to pull the plug yet.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/18 03:51 PM
1

Yeah, me too.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/18 03:43 PM
1

Knock out that debt. Be the same person after marriage that you were when you met, don't change into someone else to try to please her. Keep doing the things that make you happy. Don't get pushed into having kids, they complicate everything. If and when you want kids, you make that decision. This is all sidebar stuff, and yes, lifting is fundamental. Get to work and report back in OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 04:27 PM
2

Plan an exit. Exit is planned. Multiple witnesses of her recanting her previous allegations. Lawyer identified and is aware of the false allegations. Assets all identified, valued, and documented. I know the real estate agent I'd use to sell the house and the apartment complex I'd move into. I have a place lined up to stay short-term. I've done the math on child support and monthly budgets. The battles will be alimony and custody. I've got other defensive measures in place as well that I won't m…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 04:16 PM
2

completely debt free and owning your home That would be awesome, but I still have a hefty mortgage. College savings and paying off the house early are my loftier financial goals. can you elaborate on how much of your hand you showed her She doesn't know about fight club, but she knows I made a decision a year ago to live my life differently and extract myself from co-dependence. My journal had some early OYS drafts and my thoughts about what went right and wrong with initiations and what she rea…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:55 PM
1

playing for yield as opposed to validation That's the key right there.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:32 PM
2

Change your success criteria Got it, and yes she's less critical and having more fun as I'm having more fun with gaming her and not taking her seriously. Look in the mirror homo. ... and there's the MCT we know and love.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:29 PM
2

Thanks for kicking my ass a year ago. I appreciate that you took the time to lay out all my mistakes for me in my early posts.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 04:04 AM
5

Yes, she wants to get back into the work force next year when our youngest hits kindergarten. That will be good in case we end up splitting. Also pretty interesting that she's looking into a career in sexual counseling... seems like she's trying to deal with her issues.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:56 AM
1

My threshold is pretty high, but almost hit the limit during the summer. Things are looking up now. Ultimately the stay plan is the go plan, and I'm giving it more time.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:53 AM
2

Yeah, I agree. Look at Dr. Finlayson Fife's stuff. The doctrine really supports masculinity and a robust sex life that continues eternally.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:51 AM
1

Thanks for the support. I actually left the church for a while and came back. I fully acknowledge the limitations of the church and the amount it asks of you (just got back from a pack meeting), but I'm good where I'm at. GBH was full blue pill and you can really find support for most positions you want to take if you look hard enough through conference talks. I really like Dr. Fife's stuff that shows the doctrine actually supports robust sexuality and if we take our role serious to provide, pro…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:49 AM
4

The best hitters of all time only hit the ball 3 out of 10 times. That's a good way to look at it, but it sounds like you guys further down the road are batting 1.000. I'll keep aiming for that. I didn't see a "faggot" in there anywhere. Are you going soft on me?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:44 AM
6

Let me get right on that.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/18 03:40 AM
1

You're right, it is a dangerous position to be in. She accused me privately and didn't attempt to involve law enforcement, only ecclesiastical pressure. She's completely recanted and told those church leaders it was just a misunderstanding. She might do exactly what you said and that's a level of risk I'm willing to tolerate right now. There's also a history of a false allegation out there now so another allegation would be examined closely. I don't think I'm in a much worse position than I'd be…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 11:01 PM
0

Thanks man. I've made it harder on myself but this is what I signed up for and I'm glad to be making progress.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 10:50 PM
3

Yes, that's certainly a piece of it. Mormons are at the far end of sexual conservatism outside marriage which generally results in one of two outcomes. First, full blown sexual repression and guilt associated with any sexual expression. Second is nature overwhelming that religious repression resulting in very sexually active women as u/red-sfpplus can attest. The first 5 years my wife was very sexually active so I know she has it in her. Working on myself and supporting her working on herself to…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 10:45 PM
3

trying to reconcile childhood trauma seems like negotiation via triple bank shot Yeah, I can see that, and you're right I doubled down on beta behaviors for a decade which was seriously unattractive. I'm fixing me, and I'm happy to support her fixing her. I don't think she's aware of the trauma she's been through and she's been pinning all her traumatic feelings on me. The counselor is doing a good job separating me from her trauma responses and digging for the source. I'm not pinning my hopes o…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 10:34 PM
3

MRP fixes the man by tapping into his latent natural tendencies that have been under attack by feminized society for 50 years. It's getting back it our roots and how we kept the species going for thousands of years. It's sad that we needed to build a community to share this info, but I'm sure glad it exists.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 10:24 PM
2

I'll race you there :-)
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 10:21 PM
2

I'm essentially an observer. He'll throw me some token questions here and there, but 90% of it is her and the counselor (who is really good and she trusts and listens to).
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 10:21 PM
3

She's post-wall. Sometimes things are going so well I forget how bad it was in the summer. She backed off the accusation, but I won't forget and I'm prepared to burn it down if she starts down that road again. I had never set a boundary in my marriage before, but I told her if that happens again, we're done. So yes, it's a dangerous position but I've got my eyes wide open.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 10:18 PM
1

Thanks man! You've been a great example and sounding board for me. In some ways I feel like I've made tons of progress, and in other areas I'm just getting started.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 06:26 PM
1

Thanks, will do.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 06:21 PM
15

OYS #9 – One Year Report Background 37, married 15 years, 3 kids (all under 10), wife is 35 SAHM, career beta, swallowed the pill almost exactly a year ago. Physical (since OYS #8 one month ago) 6'2", 190 (+2.5), 10.6% BF (+1%), bench 265 (+5), squat 335 (+5), dead 395 (+10). Lifting 3x a week, bball once a week. Two months into a bulk at 500 calories over TDEE. Trying to put more mass on arms and upper body with 5 sets of 8-12 reps at 75% of 1RM, starting to see some progress. Watching abs defi…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 03:12 PM
1

It sucks when this kind of situation happens when I'm at her place, because I no where to go in these moments. Go literally anywhere else. The fact she's not your wife and you're not even living together makes this stupidly easy. If someone I was dating was texting some other guy while we were watching a movie together, I'd be out the door. You decide if you want to drive or uber back home, or just go for a 2 hour walk. Even today if my wife of 15 years is texting anyone repeatedly, even her sis…
/r/askMRP12/10/18 03:13 PM
2

Yeah, significant changes. Been through some rough waters with false rape accusations and on the verge of divorce, but pulled through with the ship on the right course. Things are miles from where they were, but I'm nowhere near where I want to be and keeping my foot on the gas.
/r/askMRP12/10/18 02:47 PM
8

DL4: remove your time and attention from her based on her bad behavior. That doesn't mean freak out, beg for her to respect you (what you mean by "this relationship"), then storm off reeking of butthurt when she doesn't comply. It means you draw a boundary of what you decide is appropriate behavior. You calmly communicate your boundary, you can even do it with a smile: "my wife doesn't text other guys while we're watching a movie/my wife wouldn't go munch on edibles in another dude's hotel room.…
/r/askMRP12/10/18 12:05 AM
2

i'm all for health based premium. Yeah, that's the way to do it if insurers have the balls. The trick is finding a marker of health that would work as BMI is obviously problematic. Amazon probably has it figured out with waist circumference. Yo u/red-sfpplus, as our resident obese man, what's your waist size?
/r/askMRP10/10/18 07:47 PM
1

I saw the same thing happening at the fortune 50 company I work for. I thought these screenings would soon turn into more hefty premiums for more hefty workers. They actually pivoted this year and started charging higher premiums for higher wage earners, so I get to subsidize health insurance for the legitimately obese who are inviting heart disease and diabetes. I wish they'd charge premiums based on health because that could motivate some broad behavior changes to bring down costs for all of u…
/r/askMRP10/10/18 07:31 PM
3

easy, quick wins Sounds like you're carrying too much weigh in your arms. That can lead to balance problems being too top-heavy. You need to transfer that weight from your biceps to your midsection. There's a chain of treatment centers called Krispy Kreme, there should be one near you that can help. Once you put on a few inches, you'll fit much better in society and won't have to deal with all that unwanted attention you've been suffering from.
/r/askMRP10/10/18 07:16 PM
1

I get anxiety even being near my wife since I think she's going to shit test and I'll fuck it up. SSS is spot on. STFU. But you missed one important book on how to STFU when you started the sidebar: WISNIFG. You need fogging, negative assertion, and negative inquiry in your toolbox. Once you have those down, you don't need to worry about shit tests. You might not hit them out of the park, but you'll have the tools to not fail. Read the book, but here's the key skills you need, and you don't need…
/r/askMRP05/10/18 09:03 PM
3

u/matrixospartanatLV and u/RedPillCoach both nailed it, but I'm going to give you some baby steps because there is a ton of material here and it can be overwhelming to know what to do next. Finish NMMNG and then read WISNIFG, and internalize both books. Continue though the sidebar. Start identifying shit tests (your wife is being shitty to you) and passing them (STFU, joke with her about it and stand your ground). E.g. "get me my bag from the car, I forgot it" your response is "are your legs bro…
/r/askMRP04/10/18 06:07 PM
3

It was already good, but reading it in William Wallace's voice made it way better.
/r/askMRP04/10/18 05:22 PM
2

Your friend ribbing you about taking a bath is normal, your response making fun of his normal person tub is making fun of him being poorer than you. You could make that more about you "yeah, a real man bathes like a king" instead of making fun of his lack of wealth. But you do you. I think where you went off the rails a bit is telling him to bring his daughter to take a real bath in your tub. That's kind of creepy. You're telling him he should bring his 2 year old to your tub? Why? To bathe with…
/r/askMRP03/10/18 07:27 PM
1

Let me add a bit from the Mormon perspective. Moses 4:22 - Unto the woman, I, the Lord God, said: I will greaty multiply thy sorrow and they conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children, and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Also, the promises Mormons make in the temple include that the wife will hearken to her husband as he hearkens unto the Lord. I think this may shed some light on how to interpret "submit" in ephesians 5. A husband is supposed to lead a…
/r/RPChristians03/10/18 03:23 PM
4

Here's an example from last night. I go to bed and slide over to hold my wife. She's comfy and doesn't want to roll over and spoon. She says something like "you're still good and I still love you." This is her trying to cushion her rejection of me holding her so I wouldn't feel bad about myself. Probably something that she needed to do for my 14 years of being a beta. I respond with "I know I'm awesome" which asserts that I don't need her pity or for her to prop me up with her validation. She sa…
/r/askMRP02/10/18 10:48 PM
3

Being offended is the most subjective thing in the world and the easiest way for someone to try and assert their frame on you. Just be genuinely you. If you think something is funny, make the joke. Someone could be offended by anything you say, but that doesn't matter to you because you don't give a fuck what they think. If someone thinks you're an asshole, or even calls you an asshole, so what? Lots of guys on here think being called an asshole is a good sign that you're asserting your frame an…
/r/askMRP02/10/18 10:33 PM
10

To continue u/taipanshimshon's tank analogy further, a tank doesn't care if someone says it's weak or made of cardboard. That's a laughable notion because the tank knows it's made of steel plates. A tank doesn't care if someone has a problem with the tracks it left behind, that's what tanks do. Frame is about how you see yourself in the world and interacting with the world. If a tank is headed up a mountain and someone suggests a better path than the tank was planning on, it's not a break in fra…
/r/askMRP02/10/18 03:05 PM
2

You helped me in OYS comments a month ago to refine my vision for my sexual relationship with my wife: My vision for my sexual relationship is for sex to enhance and deepen our mental and emotional connection, and create a stronger relationship overall. I want sex to be fun, exciting, an adventurous, and for her to follow my lead and be responsive to my sexual advances. I want us to desire each other with fully engaged sex happening multiple times a week. I think I've left out developing a visio…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/18 03:55 PM
1

I've got the calories set and the macros set What's your plan?
/r/askMRP28/09/18 05:55 PM
3

BF% has got to be around 17% now. I should get this tested again. Get an omron handheld scanner. It's like $25 on amazon. It's not super accurate, but it'll at least show you if you're heading in the right direction week by week. ​
/r/MarriedRedPill27/09/18 09:41 PM
3

You're not necessarily fooling yourself. You are making progress and could probably go pick up a plate if you tried. What you are doing is putting the cart before the horse. Work on fixing yourself instead of seeking validation from your wife or anyone else.
/r/askMRP26/09/18 04:15 PM
1

Yeah, you're probably right. I'm 6'2" 187 and was comparing my cut at 2800 cal/day this summer. But I've got much more muscle mass and my activity level is probably higher than OP. Totally agree that 500 cal below TDEE is a healthy cut that will let you keep muscle mass. OP, use that calculator and do the math.
/r/askMRP26/09/18 04:10 PM
3

I'm sure she saw the butthurt boy scurrying away. My MAP is/was to improve my life and indirectly increase her atraction to me. Typing this reply, it looks like a covert contract. Yes, she did. Not looking butthurt after a rejection (at least where you're at) means continuing normally while you think about how you're going to work your MAP. If it would be normal for you to read a book, do that. If it would be normal for you to roll over and go to sleep, do that. Yes, that's a covert contract. Th…
/r/askMRP26/09/18 03:17 PM
2

Good point. I think it's reasonable to tell her where I'm at on issues. I'm not going to argue with her about them, or defer to what she wants like I've done my entire marriage. I'm staying in my frame when we have those discussions. After I took the red pill, I went a little rambo, gave her my journal when she asked (had some of my OYS drafts), and wrote her a letter that I was going to do my own thing. That was all 6 months ago. Yeah, I know I messed up my whole approach early on. It should be…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 09:55 PM
2

Over the past couple months, no. When we had time alone, all she wanted to talk about was her lists of my bad behaviors and her requirements for me. I STFU/AA most of those times, and kept conversations about logistics and the kids. In the last week or two, yes, I've been talking to her more like that... gaming and flirting with her.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 06:21 PM
2

OYS #8 Background 37, married 15 years, 3 kids (all under 10), wife is 35 SAHM, career uberbeta, swallowed the pill 11 months ago. Physical (since OYS #7 one month ago) 6'2", 187.5 (+4.5), 9.6% BF (+1%), bench 260 (flat), squat 330 (+10), dead 385 (+5). Lifting 3x a week, bball once a week, did my first mud run last week which was a blast. One month into a bulk at 500 calories over TDEE and nearly 250g protein per day. Trying to put more mass on arms and upper body with 5 sets of 8-12 reps at 75…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 05:31 PM
3

An exit strategy is your plan to go from being married to being single. Search posts on MRP and askMRP for more guidance, but you'll want to start with: Get your finances in order. Figure out your income and budget as a single guy. Put some money away to cover legal and other expenses. How much house/apartment can you afford? How much of the marital debt will you be stuck with? What about savings and retirement accounts? The house and kitchen remodel are a factor here because it's likely you're …
/r/askMRP24/09/18 08:08 PM
3

Stop catering to her every whim. Set the priorities that you want in life and pursue them. If identifying which cereal box may have dust on it isn't in your plan, don't do it. Buying junk food at the store not in your plan? Don't do it, buy healthy stuff and lead by example. Her PTSD and OCD is her problem, not yours. If she wants to freak out about dust on cereal boxes, that's her problem. Stop owning problems that aren't yours. What's the worst that could happen if you stop walking on eggshell…
/r/askMRP24/09/18 05:54 PM
6

So happy to hear about you spending quality time with your daughter after your long deployment. Keep that up. After my wife falsely accused me of rape, we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. She started coming on to me more than she had in a decade and was dumbfounded when I turned her down (until she completely backed off and recanted on the rape allegation). I think your STBX will ramp up significantly trying to keep you and literally throwing her pussy at you (much more explicitly than asking…
/r/askMRP20/09/18 06:20 PM
1

I know her pin, she knows mine for my personal phone. We know each other's computer passwords. She doesn't snoop much (I have a keylogger to check). She doesn't know about fight club and doesn't have my work computer password or work phone pin (she doesn't ask for those).
/r/askMRP20/09/18 06:06 PM
1

Yes, Mormons fast once a month for 24 hours. We have a special meeting at church during the fast when anyone can come up to the microphone and share their testimony with the congregation. It can be a spiritual feast in the right mindset. There's the story in Matthew about the apostles not being able to cast out evil spirits and Jesus tells them that this type doesn't leave expect through prayer and fasting. Fasting, when done with purpose and increased prayer and focus, can be powerful. We donat…
/r/RPChristians19/09/18 03:01 PM
1

Yes, I like the approach at RPChristians. I think it's good to throw out the slight tweak that comes from the Mormon perspective with institutionalized oneitis... i.e. the only way to get to the highest level of heaven is to be eternally married. None of this until death do us part stuff, Mormons are locked in forever... unless they get divorced.
/r/askMRP14/09/18 09:38 PM
1

A Mormon trying to spread mormonism is exactly what should be expected. It shows they are doing what they believe. Don't be surprised by it. I've just been reading Covey's The Divine Center, and it's the most RP book I've seen from a Mormon perspective. MRP is amoral, but as a Mormon, I have adopted and follow a moral code which is compatible with MRP in most facets. The big difference being no sex outside marriage, but that's way up on the dread levels so need not apply to fundamental changes. …
/r/askMRP07/09/18 09:17 PM
1

I'm 6'2" as well and was 165 lbs all through high school. Your wife is right, you're skin and bones. Get your shit together. Start 5x5 stronglifts before work (3 hours a week, come on man). Start eating 3,000+ calories a day including 200g+ of protein. Sounds like a lot but start and end the day with a protein shake and it's doable. Add 20 pounds of muscle in the next few months and your wife will look at you differently.
/r/askMRP06/09/18 08:53 PM
1

You're just unattractive to her now because of your mentality and poor frame. Don't sell yourself or her short. Painful to hear but you're right. She told me her inner slut was her just putting on an act for me. But if I look at acts not words, she was into me and into sex for a solid 5 years.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/09/18 02:12 AM
1

My vision for my sexual relationship is for sex to enhance and deepen our mental and emotional connection, and create a stronger relationship overall. I want sex to be fun, exciting, an adventurous, and for her to follow my lead and be responsive to my sexual advances. I want us to desire each other with fully engaged sex happening multiple times a week. Thanks man_in_the_world for the prodding. I read your post on your no-libido wife. I think I'm in a similar camp, but not quite as extreme. Whe…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/18 10:39 PM
1

Your "vision" seems too generic and vague to be useful in reframing your marriage into one you'll be satisfied with. Thanks for poking holes in that vision for my marriage. That's what I've told her I want in our marriage, but you're right that I wouldn't be content if she decides to be asexual. I'll stick with what I said about a mutually fulfilling mental and emotional relationship, and add good cooperative partners raising the kids to my vision for the marriage. My vision for our sexual relat…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/08/18 07:29 PM
1

You're right, the repression can work just like catholic guilt and actually result in more of a total slut. I'm nowhere near u/red-sfpplus physically, or more importantly in terms of frame. I'm working on both but operating under my own moral compass. I've seen my wife's inner slut. She was there the first 5 years of our marriage, then went away as we had kids and I went more and more beta, and got in worse shape. I know she's completely capable, so I'm focused on improving myself.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/18 10:52 PM
1

Is she accusing you of cheating? Not exactly. I masturbated while talking to her on the phone when we were dating and didn't mention it for a couple years. She thinks that's using and objectifying her, being deceptive, breaking my promises to God, and essentially cheating on her with myself. I also kept some naked pictures of her that she wanted destroyed. Again deception and the reason (in her mind) she can't trust me. what I found personally is that it took longer than 1 month/year for me Yeah…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/18 09:39 PM
1

I know you said you are getting busier with other activities, but it seems from what you've shared here that the balance is heavily in favor of spending time with your wife. We have spent lots of time together during summer vacations. During a normal week at home, I'm busy most weeknights and she's asleep by the time I come to bed. She complained a couple months ago I wasn't spending any time with her so I set aside one night a week. She then complained about it only being one night a week and I…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/18 03:13 PM
1

My personal mission involves reaching my full potential physically, in my career, as a dad, and as the leader of the family. I'm pursuing my own goals and interests getting smarter every day and being my own judge. My vision for my marriage involves having a mutually fulfilling relationship mentally, emotionally, and sexually where we both feel free to express our healthy desires without judgment.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/18 02:55 PM
2

The system 1 (intuitive, reflexive, automatic decision-making brain), and system 2 (the rational, logical decision-making brain) paradigm for understanding decision making is very useful. We think as men we are rational super computers operating in system 2 all the time. It's eye-opening that system 2 is lazy, and we're really operating on autopilot (system 1) most of the time. What's really RP applicable is understanding that women operate almost exclusively in system 1, and what influences how…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/18 08:12 PM
2

OYS #7 Background 37, married 15 years, 3 kids (9 and younger), wife is 35 SAHM, career uberbeta, swallowed the pill 10 months ago. Physical (since OYS #6 3 weeks ago) 6'2", 183 (-4), 8.6% BF (-1.8%), bench 260 (+5), squat 320 (+10), dead 380 (+5). Not sure if I believe the 8.6% BF the Omron is reporting. In the mirror I look about the same as when I was at 11%. That belly fat is the last to go. Hitting new PRs feels good and I’m starting a clean bulk tomorrow. Reading Reading Thinking Fast and …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/18 02:49 PM
1

Reposting my original comment sans OYS profanity: My church (Mormon) does 80% of this with missionary service. 18 and 19 year old men (and women separately) are strongly encouraged to go on a 2 year mission and can be assigned anywhere in the world. The biggest difference is you do it all with a companion 24/7. Missionaries work 14 hour days finding people to teach, have only weekly emails back home, semi-annual calls home, keep a clean house, no alcohol or drugs, no sex, masturbation, or dating…
/r/RPChristians27/08/18 09:12 PM
1

Yes, I served a mission and it was foundational for my life. I really learned the gospel. I learned a new culture and language. I learned to make friends with different types of people. I learned to be responsible. Before my mission, I was late to stuff and always had something or someone I could blame for being late. When you're own your own, there's nobody to blame but yourself. You're late because you didn't have a clean, ironed shirt? Well, that's your own dumb fault. Wash your clothes and i…
/r/RPChristians27/08/18 09:11 PM
2

My church (Mormon) does 80% of this with missionary service. 18 and 19 year old men (and women separately) are strongly encouraged to go on a 2 year mission and can be assigned anywhere in the world. The biggest difference is you do it all with a companion 24/7. Missionaries work 14 hour days finding people to teach, have only weekly emails back home, semi-annual calls home, keep a clean house, no alcohol or drugs, no sex, masturbation, or dating, no social media, movies, news, TV, or non-church…
/r/RPChristians27/08/18 07:05 PM
4

Hitting up the gym, starting 23-08 and not a day later. That's next Thursday. What are you going to do today? Right now? Are you going to eat something healthy for lunch? Go walk/run a couple miles? Do some pushups before bed? Buy a pullup bar for your doorframe and use it 3x a week?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/18 06:47 PM
2

Anyone been in a similar position and it paid off handsomely or it crashed and burned in divorce or a sexless life with a boring wife? I think most of the guys here were at the same point with oneitis, went ahead and married her, put her on a pedestal, had some kids, operated in her frame as an accessory to her life, then were disappointed when she was no longer attracted to them and had a sexless or duty-based sexual relationship. That's what led most of us here to MRP. It's our common story an…
/r/askMRP13/08/18 08:29 PM
1

I agree. I don't think going together is going to solve her problem. I think in the coming weeks the counselor will start seeing what the issues are and want to meet with us individually. Playing the long game to get to that point.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/18 05:18 PM
1

that journal disclosure was a self inflicted head wound. i hope you understand why you did that and kill that mental model Yes, you're right that was a big mistake and I've addressed the thinking behind it. I was so deep in her frame for our whole marriage that I went along with her saying being honest included sharing all my thoughts. I've embraced being my own judge and no longer feel the need to capitulate and overshare just because she's upset about something. more likely though she's just r…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/18 04:23 PM
1

what's your summary of why she's not attracted to you. I went a little rambo at the start, then a few months ago I gave her my journal and she saw my thoughts about her responses to my early progress, and notes like it didn't matter to me what she thought (yeah, bonehead move to give her the playbook, I know). I've stopped going rambo and I'm getting much better at STFU. But a friend pointed out I'm still just a dancing monkey to her. I'm not in her frame, but I'm not asserting mine yet. She mig…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/18 09:51 PM
1

The point is preventing adultery, but yeah, it's draconian. Sexual sin is #2 in seriousness right after murder. I think it's over the top and really aimed at premarital and extramarital sex. But it provides my wife plenty of fodder to be completely offended when I look at her like I want to devour her, because that's lusting (unless she's turned on already, then she's good).
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/18 09:25 PM
1

We can't lock our door at night because our daughter has a full blown freakout if she gets scared in the middle of the night and the door is locked. The other guys mentioned it already, but you're in your daughter's frame here. It's healthy for your daughter to know that sometimes mom and dad have some alone time in the bedroom (not necessarily in the middle of the night). You can level set with her and set her up with a snack and a show to watch, but you should be able to set and hold a boundar…
/r/RPChristians08/08/18 09:43 PM
2

One thing the church is great at doing is shaming men for their sexuality. I'd be interested in hearing more about that. Genuinely. If you're genuinely interested, here's what is taught in my church: Merely refraining from sexual intercourse outside of marriage is not sufficient in the Lord’s standard of personal purity. The Lord requires a high moral standard of His disciples, including complete fidelity to one’s spouse in thought and conduct. In the Sermon on the Mount, He said: “Ye have heard…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/08/18 06:08 PM
2

A $20 walmart tripod will do the job, it just has to sit there and not wobble. Your lens has a nice range, and is plenty to decide if you like photography. You've also got a 1.5x crop factor so that's a 42-350mm lens that doesn't allow much light in. Remember when you're hand holding the camera on the longer end of your range to have your shutter speed higher than your focal length to avoid shake. E.g., zoomed all the way in, you'd want to be at 1/500 second which will limit you essentially to b…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/08/18 03:49 PM
3

Photography is a great hobby. Before spending more on a better camera, a tripod and lenses are really more important than the camera body. Go find a river or waterfall and see what different shutter speeds can do. You'll need the tripod for that.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/18 04:13 PM
3

OYS #6 Background 37, married 15 years, 3 kids (8 and younger), wife is 35 SAHM, swallowed the pill 10 months ago. Physical (since OYS #5 2 weeks ago) 6'2", 187 (-1), 10.4% BF (+.5%), bench 255 (+5), squat 310, dead 375 (+5). Lifting 3x a week at home gym, bball and hiking for cardio. Back up to full weight and hit some new PRs. Ate poorly on vacation, but back to healthier eating now we’re back home. Reading Finished the audiobook of Secrets of a Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. He focuse…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/18 03:50 PM
8

Dude. The other side of the planet is a 12 hour plane ride away, 24 hours at worst with a connection in Heathrow. Unless you're on a sub under the arctic ice, you find a way to get back and take care of your wife. You can explain a family emergency to an employer, or get a new job. This is serious and she needs mental help badly. You can decide what to do with your life and relationship later.
/r/askMRP03/08/18 01:40 AM
2

WISNIFG is a tedious read, but absolutely fundamental. This is STFU 101 stuff and clearly where you need to start (me too by the way). Beat these two skills into your head and report back on how they worked: Fogging – Agree with the truths in non-assertive criticism. Agree with actual truths about you and your behavior and admit mistakes or errors. For arbitrary right/wrong judgments tacked on to criticism, agree with the odds or principle (there’s always a grain of truth). Don’t respond to anyt…
/r/askMRP02/08/18 10:42 PM
3

You need to learn to fog through these shit tests. AA and AM can come later. Here's how fogging works: you agree with whatever you can about whatever criticism she levels at you. Example: Her: "our communication is shit and you never want to help me." You: "you're right [doesn't matter much what comes after that], I wasn't listening to you, was I?" Her: "you knew I needed help with this tiny fountain of shit and you ignored me, you asshole." You: "you're right, that was a big blowout... 7 wipes …
/r/askMRP02/08/18 09:25 PM
1

I'm working on making responses like "I will, too bad about you" become natural. Thanks for the advice. I used the pool and hot tub with the kids 3 times during the trip and really enjoyed it regardless of her attitude. She came the first time, barely got in and not happy to be there. Didn't come the next time. Came and enjoyed it the third time. Leaving the hotel she said this was a great hotel, it really took good care of us.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/18 06:28 PM
1

Thanks. "I know, I know" was about initiating at bed time to begin with. I'm working on initiating at other times and filling my life with more interesting stuff to do. I'll give her a chance to miss me.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/18 09:48 PM
1

Hiking, biking, movie, and concert all take long enough to be missed. Bball doesn't start until late and she's asleep when I get home. Point taken though, I need to give her a chance to miss me.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/18 03:33 PM
2

Thanks steel, I'll work on that.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/18 02:52 AM
1

My social game is a little weak. I'm out of the house playing basketball once a week. I do something else outside the house about every two weeks, hiking, biking, movie with the guys, concert with a buddy (invited my wife by she said no).
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/18 02:48 AM
1

I am complacent in putting up with a spouse who is not attracted to me. I can't control her attraction, I can't negotiate it. What I can control is me, and I'm not satisfied with where I'm at or where my marriage is at. I'm pushing myself to be attractive: improve physically, mentally, as a dad, and as captain of my family. At some point in the next year I'll have to make a decision if this marriage will work, but until then I'll keep working on myself and let the 1,000 foot rope tighten. I was …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/18 07:28 PM
1

Because complacency is work and maintaining high standards requires work. Where do you see complacency?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/18 04:58 PM
1

What's the value you're getting out of it? I like spending time with her, she's getting in better shape, and it's fun to tell her what to do and watch her squat. You're right, she's not into me this week which is odd because she was for the couple weeks before. I know I showed some low-value beta behavior a week ago, but I don't know why we're back to the pre-MRP dynamic. Are you suggesting I refuse to train her until she's into me?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/18 04:13 PM
5

"what reason do I have to cheat on you?" "I don't need to lose weight to leave you, babe." These are both gold. I'll keep these in mind for when my wife's testing hits that level.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/18 03:19 PM
6

Weight loss has slowed to a crawl, starting to focus on dialing in my diet.. Besides lifting 3x a week (cardio 1x a week), the best thing I've done is meal prep. I got these plastic TV dinner containers from amazon, I throw a bunch of chicken in the slow cooker Sunday morning (with some curry, salsa, honey mustard, or something), throw some brown rice in the rice cooker Sunday afternoon, and stir fry a bunch of mixed veggies Sunday evening. I feed the family a healthy meal and then meal prep my …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/18 03:02 PM
1

OYS #5 – Two steps forward, one step back Background 37, 3 kids, wife is 35 SAHM. Swallowed the pill 9 months ago. Last week in OYS #4 the dynamic was changing, but this week was a step back. Physical (since OYS #4 last week) 6'2", 188 (-1), 9.9% BF (-.8%), bench 250, squat 310, dead 370 (+2). Lifting 3x a week at home gym, wife is fully committed to lifting with me and having me train her. Pulled something in my lower back several weeks ago. Hit a new deadlift PR and the back still feels good. …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/18 02:37 PM
3

Thanks. I've had fun having her workout with me. I had quite a bit of anger my first 6 months leading to rambo behavior. But seeing the code now, AWALT and it doesn't help me to be angry about her just being a woman. I genuinely enjoy my wife's company and having her workout with me. Directing her thought squats is pretty fun.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/18 08:04 PM
4

I told him "not tonight." He started walking outside to play alone... I feel very fortunate that my kids actually want to spend time with me and I need to take full advantage of those and other opportunities to be a positive influence in my kids' lives. Good reminder. Soon enough my kids will be teens and too cool to want to spend time with me, then they'll be out of the house before I know it. I'm going to listen the next time they ask me to play with them.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/18 06:15 PM
15

OYS #4 Physical (since OYS #3 last week) 6'2", 189 (+2), 10.7% BF (+.9%), bench 250, squat 310, dead 368. Lifting 3x a week at home gym, wife asked if she could join me lifting last week and have me train her. Cardio is basketball once a week and went on a punishing hike (with a 3800 foot climb in 2 miles) and an amazing view. Pulled something in my lower back a month ago. Getting back into squats and deadlifts and I’m back to 70% and still feeling good. Switched to maintenance calories from my …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/18 03:03 PM
1

justpickanyusername is spot on. I was a hard gainer too, I thought I couldn't add much muscle to my body. Then I got serious both about lifting heavy and getting proper nutrition. When I was bulking, I was consuming 3700 calories a day of healthy food (I'm 6'2" and was 200 pounds at the time). When you're bulking, aim at 1 gram per day of protein per pound of body weight. On the lifting side, 5x5 stronglifts is a great place to start. Either get to a gym where you can do all the lifts, or spend …
/r/askMRP16/07/18 06:02 PM
6

Fogging, negative assertion, and negative inquiry are all related. I think the point /u/justpickanyusername was getting at is when you own a negative thing about yourself (via any of these methods) instead of getting defensive, the other person usually tries to soften or explain why they took that position. They start DEERing instead of you. Here's a summary of the 3 from WISNIFG: Fogging – Agree with the truths in non-assertive criticism. Agree with actual truths about you and your behavior and…
/r/askMRP15/07/18 04:55 PM
3

Slow burn, let the rope pull taut and keep your eyes open. Dread caused her to fix her behavior but didn't solve all of her issues overnight. Absolutely. We're in a much better place than a month ago, but we're far from being done. There's something seriously wrong when a wife falsely accuses her husband of rape in an attempt to control him. Still going to counseling to try to get to the bottom of that. I'll keep my foot on the gas, but my eyes are wide open now and I'm proceeding cautiously.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/18 04:01 PM
6

OYS #3 Background Swallowed the red pill 9 months ago. I’m [37] an active Mormon [read: no porn, no fap, no alcohol, no smoking, no cheating], 3 kids and SAHM [35], married 15 years. The last decade has been duty sex a couple times a week. Dead bedroom the last three months first at her insistence, then for the last month following the rape allegation when I insisted on separate beds. Physical (since OYS #2 a month ago) 6'2", 187 (flat), 9.8% BF (down 1.7%), bench 250 (flat), squat 310 (flat), d…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/18 02:28 PM
1

Yes, this is ultra-hard mode. I've rounded a corner though, update next OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/18 09:32 PM
1

Good thing I'm deloading this week because of back pain the last couple weeks. I'll have to look into going deeper on squats.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/18 10:40 PM
3

Nice work on the relationship progress. I struggle with anger and resentment too and it leads me toward defensiveness. Working on STFU and fogging instead. Great advice on recognizing valuable contributions from the first officer. You're squatting ass to grass? I thought 5x5 SL was squats to parallel.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/18 09:20 PM
1

advice for a skinny guy with a high metabolism trying to gain muscle? Eat tons of clean food. Growing up I was 6'2" at 165 and couldn't put on weight. When I'm bulking I'm eating 3700 calories a day 50% complex carbs, 20% fats, 30% protein. That means eating all the time. Healthy snacks between healthy meals, devouring bags of almonds on the commute home. Go find "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle"
/r/askMRP02/07/18 05:03 PM
1

go to r/marriedredpill, switch to "old reddit" mode, look over there ------>
/r/askMRP02/07/18 04:53 PM
2

In my professional life, my job is to make a case and back it up with facts and data. Then business decisions are (hopefully) rationally made. I DEER for a living. Inter-gender relationships are fundamentally different. You can't expect rationality. You can't expect your wife or anyone else to see things from your point of view just because you happen to be right. Emotions are way more important than facts to women. Two things you need to get into your head: 1) it's ok for her to be wrong (even …
/r/askMRP28/06/18 04:44 PM
2

Nice work on the rental car high-center and consciously not DEERing. On the social front, a couple suggestions. Since finding MRP, I've been setting up movie nights with the guys when a fun action movie comes out. Now I have the guys asking me when we're going to see Jurassic World. Also, I don't know if basketball is your thing, but I'm sure there's a church or gym down the street you could play at. You get exercise and socialize with the guys that play regularly.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/18 06:08 PM
2

Grab a power rack ($225 USD), a 20KG bar ($100), weights you suggested but 4 x 20kg instead of 2 x 15 (about $300), and a bench ($75) and you're all set to safely do 5x5 and more at home.
/r/askMRP25/06/18 07:47 PM
1

I think everything you need is in WISNIFG. I think it's written like notes to cover in an in-person workshop, which makes it tough to pull all together. I made a summary of WISNIFG here that might be helpful for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/18 07:33 PM
1

It sounds like she has had an affair in the past. She thinks you're cheating because she has cheated in the past. Yeah, very well could be. Or she's got some abuse hidden in her past that she hasn't shared that she's projecting on me. What is VAR?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/18 07:37 PM
1

Right now, a cold disconnected roommate after the kids are down. I'll think on that further.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/18 04:50 AM
1

The medium is the message. She has already made false rape allegations against you and done other things. Counseling session today, she has completely backed off the rape allegations. Says she was just repeating what someone else said, and she doesn't think that I raped her. Classic gaslighting and if I hadn't swallowed the pill and known better, I might have believed her. "You raped me" is pretty stark, clear, and unforgettable. I think she got extreme because I wasn't capitulating the way I ha…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/18 04:47 AM
1

Switch to classic reddit and the sidebar will appear over there ----->
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/18 04:24 AM
3

You have no right to change others, they have to change themselves. Whether your wife choses to change, in response to your changes, is her choice. You're right. I can't change her. I can only make it very clear what happens if she continues this course. You need to practice your marital fire drill. Good reminder. I should have a bug out bag ready.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/18 06:42 PM
2

Yes, I absolutely did. Worse yet, I fostered crazy by complying with increasingly controlling behavior. I went along with it for 14 years. I was the uberniceguytm and I shouldn't be surprised that when I assert independence and stop being her slave that she freaks out. You're right, I still have captain save a ho mentality. I feel some responsibility for the level of crazy because I complied with it for so long. I think I owe it to the kids to at least try my best to salvage the marriage. I shou…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/18 03:08 PM
2

I totally agree. Edit: I just looked up emotional abuse and she checks every one of the boxes.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/18 06:24 AM
1

It's getting really close. It was an assignment from the counselor, but just turned into accusations and an attempt to wrestle back control.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/18 06:24 AM
1

You're right. I might not be able to fix this no matter how hard I try. But I'm going to try. I'm working hard to hold it together, but also preparing for the worst. Finances won't support two residences, so separation doesn't seem feasible. Either this will work, or I'll pursue getting a divorce as fast as possible. We're getting to the end of the runway pretty quickly.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/18 06:21 AM
1

Solid week. 5/5 initiation/F close ratio. No major instances where I lost frame or DEERed. This is winning. This is the where MRP is designed to take you. Nice work captain.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/18 02:53 PM
1

Right, new guidelines came down from Salt Lake a couple months ago. I'm on the ward council and we discussed. Any abuse allegation is to be treated as if the allegations are true. It's basically guilty until proven innocent. I get it to protect the church, but it places me in a precarious position. Especially with a spouse who will make false rape accusations. Bishop already ran this by the hotline in Salt Lake and wants me to meet with SP. He was going to put me on informal probation but decide…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/18 02:43 PM
1

I also don't have any hobbies that get me out of the house. One that's easy to pick up and you can do with others or solo is photography. If you don't have a real camera, you can pick one up for a few hundred bucks. Add a tripod and you're set. There are some epic sunsets where you're at, might be fun to drive out alone and capture them.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/18 03:36 AM
1

There's some stuff I'm OK with, but here are the most objectionable parts. Full access to all accounts and documents (she wants access to my journal again). Access to my location (always-on GPS tracking via my phone). Complete transparency (no private thoughts). Avoid appearance of impropriety. No demands, pressure, shaming, mocking, pestering, persuading, exploiting, berating, ridiculing, punishing, taking advantage, emotional abuse, put-downs, arrogance, emotional cruelty. I can see her thinki…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/18 03:30 AM
7

OYS #2 Background (see my married mormon monk mode post a month ago) Swallowed the pill 8 months ago. I’m [37] an active Mormon [read no porn, no fap, no alcohol, no smoking, no cheating], 3 kids and SAHM [35]. Physical (since a month ago) 6'2", 187 (down 6), 11.5% BF (down 1.3%), bench 250 (flat), squat 310 (+5), dead 368 (+8). Lifting 3x a week at home gym, bball once a week. I'm getting down the to bottom of my cut and I think I'm losing a little muscle mass and strength. Looking pretty good …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/18 09:41 PM
3

I'm sure you feel that way, but I still want my meat.
/r/askMRP06/06/18 06:15 PM
1

Thanks, it's not a big deal. Reposted on askMRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/18 04:15 PM
1

This book is #2 on the MRP sidebar right behind No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's fundamental.
/r/askMRP06/06/18 04:15 PM
4

Here's the full outline: http://docdro.id/Y8BDq27
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/18 12:03 AM
2

http://docdro.id/Y8BDq27
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/18 12:02 AM
2

I added the full 12 page outline here.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/18 08:44 PM
1

You're right, it's not about the church. She's got issues well outside the church's doctrines. She just got a book delivered today called living and loving after betrayal. I've laid out the worst stuff I've done in the post and I don't see where the betrayal is. I'm not in Utah, but PM me if you have contacts out of state. Would you mind pointing out the biggest red flags you saw in her behavior that caused you enough concern to reach out to me? I think I'm at the point I need to start mitigatin…
/r/askMRP15/05/18 11:51 PM
2

Yeah, I'm going to focus on me. Down the road once I've dealt with my codependency issues, if my wife hasn't worked on her control issues I'll setup a meeting with Fife as a last offramp for my wife to take before divorce. When I get to that point, I'm pretty sure I'll be OI as far as whether the marriage works out.
/r/askMRP14/05/18 06:10 PM
1

Yeah, going in with no expectations is the only way, otherwise it's a covert contract. Thanks for the advice and encouragement.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 06:03 PM
1

I agreed to counseling because I thought it would help. I need help getting over my codependent need for validation from her through sex. You guys are giving me a kick in the butt in that direction. I think it will be good for her to have a counselor point out her control and trust issues. Maybe not though, it's outside my control.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 05:57 PM
1

I agree, Fife would be great and someone my wife would listen to. It sets up a covert contract though if I ask her to do a session with Fife, then I expect her to listen to Fife and change and stop being so controlling and open up sexually. Yes, I want that, but I can't control what my wife does. I can only control me, and I know what I need to do. I need to up my filter, stop being scared of her judgment, learn to STFU without being autistic, and be my own validation.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 04:43 PM
1

Been lifting, hit 12% today. This is all about my codependent behavior and treating her like mommy that I have to report to. This is all DL 1.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 04:36 PM
1

Turn your filter significantly up and stop reporting to mom so much. Need to know only. I look autistic when I STFU. It's such a drastic departure from me trying to be transparent the last decade. You're right, I'm not transparent now, I'm not talking about fight club and I think that's the right approach. Clearly, transparent doesn't work. I don't think being autistic and not responding works, or giving one word answers. I suck at giving enough information to be responsive without oversharing.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 04:33 PM
1

You're right. I need to work on dread level 1. Even if she still had followed up with "did you have a nice talk about me" you should recognize that not as a shit test, but a shitty comfort test, in which case AA or STFU are probably not your best plays. What's a better response here to that follow up question? I saw a suggestion to AA that and say we talked about you like crazy and couldn't even talk about the movie. If AA or STFU isn't the best play, what is?
/r/askMRP13/05/18 04:28 PM
1

This is like the codependency bible here, pun intended. Dash of power dynamics. So am I doing it wrong or on the right track? Sadly, your wife has some deep seated issues about sex, relationships, and how a man should interact with a woman. Codependency, narcissism... it's all there. I'm sorry dude. This is some serious stuff, and I doubt that you'll be able to get past it. Yeah, I'm coming to terms with this as it seems to be the general consensus.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:47 AM
2

Thanks Steel. That’s OK, it’s MRP on hard hell mode Amen. I'm sensing cluster b and personality issues here, and a dash of codependency mixed in. Full blown codependency. Counselor identified that in a couple meetings. I see some cluster b, maybe more will surface as we go. First of all, you desperately need No More Mister Nice Guy. What is your frame here. Right now your wife says "Jump" and you say "How high?". Not good. Right, and I still have a long way to go, but since I gave her that journ…
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:44 AM
1

Yeah, your coworker sounds off the wall even to me.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:31 AM
1

We've listened to all Dr Fife's podcasts (separately). I bought all the courses when my wife requested them. Working through the strengthening relationships course and there's some great stuff. Got a few classes in and my wife refused to do any more because she thought the stuff we were learning was making me more antagonistic and by their fruits ye shall know them. She sent a litter to Dr. Fife who sympathized with her position, but asked her to ask a single simple question. I'll look into talk…
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:30 AM
1

I'm really not worried about the church. I've kept my promises and I'm in good standing. She tries to bring up church stuff and I say I agree, and I do agree with all the doctrine. It's the BP encouraging culture of the church that's problematic and the huge focus on youth avoiding premarital sex and putting women on a pedestal that gets everyone in very BP mindsets.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:24 AM
1

No, we're still in the same bed, except last night she went and slept in a kid's room.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:20 AM
1

Interventions were about I started showing signs of independence, and she pulled people in to try and get them to help fix me. She keeps trying to find how it's my problem that I want sex too much, that I looked at porn as a kid, that I kept sexy pictures of her. No porn, games, weed, alcohol, etc. Everyone she brought in said we're in over our heads and need counseling. I'm going along with counseling for a while mostly in the hope the counselor will help her see her controlling and trust issue…
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:16 AM
1

Not in Utah but thanks.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:12 AM
1

I fully admit I'm a work in progress. Trying to balance it all playing on super hard mode.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:11 AM
3

Give me 9 more months.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:09 AM
3

Yep. You're exactly right. Thanks.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 02:09 AM
2

I'm going for the mental monk mode. I'll keep the kino going especially when sex isn't possible. A couple day family getaway coming, that's a great opportunity.
/r/askMRP13/05/18 12:28 AM
2

Blessings upon you, professor. You're right, indirect parables were his way. I think I need to look at it in that light.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 11:13 PM
3

Yeah, sex abuse accusation was right after I said I was done with all the old rules. Huge red flag and signaled how serious her mental issues are. I'm going to start working on my exit plan, talk to an attorney, and buy those concert tickets.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 11:10 PM
2

Here's my example.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 11:04 PM
2

It's up to us to bring masculinity back to its rightful place in the church. It's right there in the family proclamation. Preside (lead and own your shit), provide, protect (lift to be capable of this).
/r/askMRP12/05/18 11:03 PM
3

Some of us swear, though it's rare. I usually save it for emphasis.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:56 PM
2

Got it, thanks.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:53 PM
1

What this means is to walk your own path alongside her path for a while, not just following her along hers. Counselor pointed out we are codependent. I've spent 10 years getting validation from her IV drip sex. She uses me as an emotional tampon to avoid feeling feelings she doesn't like. A couple days ago I told her part of my self improvement is fixing my needy dependent mindset. I told her I don't need her, I want her. She said the first part is obvious. She doesn't care about the second part…
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:52 PM
3

This is inspiring and why I listen to you guys.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:40 PM
4

This is all great advice. I'm out for monk mode. Working on OI. I think I'll set up the attorney meeting so I have my go plan set.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:39 PM
2

I've have had some stuff clearly pointed out to me that I'm doing wrong. I appreciate that. I agree monk mode would be an escape. I thought maybe it neutralizes her last car (withholding sex), but that's playing in her frame.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:11 PM
2

Her issues? If she just would acknowledge her trust and control issues, we can fix them and things will get better. Yeah, you're right on this one. I do legitimately want to give her a chance to fix her control and trust issues. There's some deep (as someone mentioned maybe cluster B) stuff going on. I'll take the time to give her a chance, but the real work needs to be done on me, and if we get a year down the road and we're in the same place, I'm ready to nuke it. One year deadline? If we set …
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:08 PM
2

You're right. I've made lots of progress from the pathetic beta I was, but I still have a long way to go. Making more steps every day. Turned off GPS tracking on my phone yesterday, handled her freakout about it with some fogging and a little DEERing (I know, I know). I'm learning to say no. WISNIFG was written for me, and NMMNG.
/r/askMRP12/05/18 10:02 PM
1

I take off my ring and wear gloves when I lift or my hand gets torn up. I keep it on if I'm doing cardio. I really couldn't care less what others in the gym think.
/r/askMRP30/04/18 03:49 PM
1

You're right. Reading NMMNG, I realized I was totally a nice guy. I think I've been continuing the cuddly church goer kino thinking that was the gaming kino I should be doing. I'm cutting back on the nice guy type of kino and will ramp up the flirting/gaming type.
/r/askMRP30/04/18 03:08 PM
1

Vs. when we were dating, I'm stronger, fatter, and way less tan than 15 years ago. I'm on the right track to be in my best shape ever in the next 6 months. I think more important is I had stuff going on when we were dating. Since then my life has revolved around her and then the kids. Since finding RP, I've been adding stuff I'm interested in back into my life. I'm way busier and happier now. Wife mentioned last week she never knows when there will be time for us to be together. She hasn't cared…
/r/askMRP30/04/18 03:04 PM
0

Yeah, I need to up my kino game to what you're describing. I did have my first kino initiated by my wife in a long time yesterday. We were at a school function and chatting with our neighbors who are getting divorced. She was wearing a short fitted dress. We sat next to them and my wife suddenly wanted to tickle my back and stroke my arm. Dread is real. I'll report back on her first drive by at home.
/r/askMRP28/04/18 04:08 AM
1

BP 250, Squat 300, DL 355. 6'2" 197lbs, 13.8% BF. Just switched to 5/3/1 from 5x5 SL, abs are starting to hint at showing. I think I need to change my mindset on kino from providing her comfort to flirting for me.
/r/askMRP28/04/18 03:30 AM
1

This is good. I think I'm going to pull back on the kino significantly.
/r/askMRP27/04/18 11:33 PM
1

I thought spooning and holding hands was kino. I'm building frame, but it's a work in progress.
/r/askMRP27/04/18 11:03 PM
1

Remember, you are not doing kino to get a reaction from her. You are doing it for YOU! You’re a fun, cocky, asshole and like to feelz all over that ass. It’s fun. It creates attraction by breaking rapport and comfort. I think it's that last part I'm getting wrong. I think my kino has been about comfort, which is operating in her frame. I need to recalibrate my kino to be breaking rapport instead of trying to give her comfort. Your description sounds very cringe worthy. More like you’re showering…
/r/askMRP27/04/18 10:59 PM
1

Sounds like my light kino is too light and isn't building attraction. So gaming my wife should be more aggressive I want your body right now type kino?
/r/askMRP27/04/18 10:53 PM
1

Right. I'm providing lots of affection, she's providing almost none. I'm not following the golden ratio, I'm expressing affection toward my wife because I want to.
/r/askMRP27/04/18 10:50 PM
1

Yes, I'm Mormon. I think there are many of us on here trying to fix broken sex lives. The church makes a beta mindset look like what you're supposed to do, but I think that's really more culture than doctrine. My wife is devout when it lines up with her internal values which is most of the time. You're right about 30 years of being on a pedestal, and 30 years of shame. There's essentially no positive messages about sex in the church. What do you suggest to customize my MAP?
/r/askMRP27/03/18 09:50 PM
1

I think I'm making some progress on getting her to let go of the idea of more kids. Now it's back to the MAP to generate her interest in me.
/r/askMRP27/03/18 09:38 PM
1

Good details, thanks. I like the upsides.
/r/askMRP27/03/18 09:36 PM
1

Sounds fun but I'd rather have her actually desire me.
/r/askMRP27/03/18 09:34 PM
1

Yes, that is the bigger problem and why I'm here. 15 years of being a beta will do that. Working the MAP to change things.
/r/askMRP27/03/18 09:33 PM
1

Thanks for that. I feel like I'm in a similar boat and would like to see similar results. Yeah, I'm heading into level 5 (just got a new suit), and I should start digging into level 6. When I finish WINSIFG, reading Bang is next on the list. I need that abundance mindset.
/r/askMRP24/03/18 09:44 PM
1

Actually she did. A couple nights later we talked through her top candidates and got down to best two schools and the credentials she'd end up with from each one. I gave her my opinion on her best option and she was happy with that. Took about half an hour.
/r/askMRP24/03/18 09:40 PM
2

Chad, I always like your input. I'm pushing into DL5 now and DL6 is up next. Not sure how high up the ladder I'll go.
/r/askMRP24/03/18 09:36 PM
1

Good links. Real mixed bag about whether to get a vasectomy, but seems like no SMV reduction. You don't want more kids with her, or at all? I don't want any more at all. Until reading the responses here and your links, I hadn't thought about finding someone new and that the new girl might want to have kids, but at this point I wouldn't want to start a new family anyway. The three kids I have now are plenty. You're solidly in her frame. I'm not, but it's a frame battle at this point. She's befudd…
/r/askMRP24/03/18 09:29 PM
1

Good point. My decision, not hers.
/r/askMRP24/03/18 08:58 PM
1

Yeah, a couple years ago she got her IUD out following kid #3, and I took over birth control. I've been on the fence about kid #4 for a couple years, but since finding MRP I've pretty much decided I'm a no. I can keep tracking and using condoms when she's ovulating, but I'm ready to be done with that game. I'm looking for input from other MRP guys who have had vasectomies to see if it's impacted attraction for them.
/r/askMRP24/03/18 08:55 PM
3

Yeah, could be.
/r/askMRP24/03/18 08:50 PM
0

No, I'm going to get a vasectomy sooner or later. It's more a question of whether it would be unattractive to her hypergamy. I can deal with that since she doesn't find me attractive right now anyway.
/r/askMRP24/03/18 08:49 PM
1

Good clarification. I want sex, and I want it with her. Working on that next step if she's not eager to do the job (though she was eager that morning).
/r/askMRP23/03/18 11:01 PM
1

I like your perspective on starting each day from scratch, also that after repeated rejections is time to withdraw time and attention. Where I'm only batting .200, I'd be gone all the time if I withdrew after every rejection. Maybe as my batting average gets better, I can get closer to direct operand conditioning with withdrawing time and attention.
/r/askMRP22/03/18 07:40 PM
1

Thanks. I started with 5x5 stronglifts for a couple months and had some great early gains. Then I plateaued and was getting stronger but no physical changes. Decided to modify my plan to once a week strength (5x5), twice a week hypertrophy (4x10), and work on accessory lifts on a 4th day per week. I'm still focused on core lifts: bench, squat, dead, row, OHP, curls. 1,000 is a doable goal, but I'd rather err towards aesthetics and looking how I want instead of straight strength at this point. I'…
/r/askMRP22/03/18 07:34 PM
1

You're spot on. I'm not attractive to her, and I only have myself and 10 years of beta behavior to blame for it. She's complained the last couple months about me being more physical (kinoing) thinking maybe I have too much testosterone from working out more. If she was attracted to me, she'd be into the kino and where it leads. Instead, she thinks I'm taking something from her when we have sex, and kino leads to sex so she's generally not into that either. All I can do is stay the course and be …
/r/askMRP22/03/18 07:25 PM
1

Thanks bro. I think you're right she was just being inconsiderate, not a shit test. I've really been trying to internalize WISNIFG, glad it's showing. My goal is 1,000 club on my lifts by the end of the year (just over 800 now). My appearance goal is to look like Captain America when he comes out of stark's magic super solider machine. I've got a long way to go on that one. Just bought a new suit for an upcoming business trip and getting rid of clothes that don't fit well. Whitening my teeth too…
/r/askMRP21/03/18 10:08 PM
1

You're right, it's theoretical at this point. But I did pretty well in my single days and don't doubt I could game another girl. I'm sticking to the lower levels of dread and only go deeper if more dread is needed in the marriage. I know I'm limiting myself and my abundance mindset, but I'm playing the long game. Only 5 months into my 15 months for 15 years of marriage.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 10:01 PM
1

You guys are both right, I could have used some more tact and fatherly telling her to go to sleep, but I'm certainly not going to stay up all night talking when I have to get up early.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 09:56 PM
2

Did you want to fuck her before work? Yes, I want a ready, willing, enthusiastic partner and I didn't capitalize. I think my takeaway is if it's something I want (enthusiastic sex) but it's not convenient, I should do it. If it's something I don't want (long conversations about careers) and it's not convenient, I shouldn't do it. Thanks for the feedback.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 09:52 PM
2

I like this. I'm totally using it next time.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 08:55 PM
3

Do you know what she is doing on her phone? No, but probably FB. more concerned about her wanting a GNO during ovulation I should have called it a girls night in. Birthday party at a friend's house down the street, they just sat around and talked about their husbands and feelz. I'm not concerned.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 08:18 PM
1

Maybe she’s starting to feelz the dynamic changing... how long you been at this? 5 months, and yes, she is feeling the dynamic change. Recent comfort tests have been about my motivation to work out (I've been religious about lifting 3 or not 4 times a week the last 4 months). She said point blank she feels like her sexual rejections of me are driving me to get a hot body. I said I've just decided to prioritize myself and finally go after goals I've had for myself for years. The way you wrote it …
/r/askMRP21/03/18 08:09 PM
2

Hasn't gamed != couldn't game. Not ready for higher dread levels yet.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 07:23 PM
1

Thanks Johney. Yeah, I am pretty dang focused on becoming_alpha. I'll chill out a bit, but wanted to check with the community that I'm on the right track.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 07:21 PM
1

Question 1: yeah, you're right. I'm not above her in SMV (or not high enough above her), and she's not feeling dread yet. Question 2: She was trying to engage me in verbal intercourse when I wanted to sleep like when I try to engage her in sexual intercourse when she wants to sleep. I had zero interest in discussing grad schools at that hour. It seemed like some kind of a test to me. It's way out of character for her to stay up late and be so eager to talk. So if that's not a shit test, but I ha…
/r/askMRP21/03/18 07:12 PM
2

Good links. On the first question, I think I removed presence correctly. I STFU and kept doing what I was doing that night and went to sleep. The next day, I had better stuff to do like letting the kids play outside and bball that I play every week. I just made sure there was very little overlap of when I was home and available. So yes, I played that right. On the second question, If your wife comes to bed after you've gone to bed and wants to start what will be at least a half hour if not longe…
/r/askMRP21/03/18 07:05 PM
1

You're right, it is liberating. After getting past the frustration and realizing it's all about me, everything becomes in my control. Obviously there will be bumps along the way, but my mission and following my mission defines my happiness. Not how my wife or anyone else reacts to me. Be attractive. I'm working on it.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/18 06:08 PM
1

OYS #1 Background – Married 15 years, 3 young kids, 4 months in from taking the red pill. Quazi-OYS a couple months ago titled 2 months in but appearing butthurt. I was a classic beta with a bad case of oneitis. Our first few years we had great frequent sex with her initiating half the time. Then around the time we started having kids, she shut down sexually. I had my wife on a pedestal and had heaps of covert contracts and other beta behavior to try and get her interested in sex leading to tons…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/18 02:33 PM
1

Glad to hear it's worked so well for you. I know the inner slut is in there, just haven't seen her for a long time.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/18 05:32 AM
1

My wife wanted the course so we signed up. I just started the first course. There's been no change yet, but just the fact that my wife is interested and driving this is a sign to me that RP is working. In the past she's been incredibly resistant to anything about sex or improving sex. Probably because it was coming from beta-me. She's trying to figure out some of her own issues now. I'm going to encourage that, but not push her at all.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/18 05:31 AM
1

Dr. Fife has 4 courses from about $120 to $180. She has periodic sales of 10-20% off too. You can check her out on the rational faiths podcast where she's a frequent guest.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/18 05:28 AM
1

Agreed. I think Mormon guilt gives Catholic guilt a run for its money any day.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/18 05:26 AM
1

Thanks, good stuff to have in mind, but I'm planning to STFU and avoid the verbal intercourse so I'm not in that position again.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 09:09 PM
1

Good call.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 09:07 PM
1

When in the fuck do you learn to give a massage because you want to massage and then be done with the massage? Just when when in the fuck do you learn to initiate when you want sex? Right now. So how often are you touching her (kino) ? Multiple times a day. And, fucking almighty why do you get into a match about her going on about you just wanting her for sex ? Yeah, that was a bonehead move I'm not planning to repeat. Developing my OI and not being butthurt over rejection should help. Get your …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 09:07 PM
2

Yeah, I totally blew it on that one. I should have just initiated like an alpha like I'd was going to instead of being all beta and trying to make her arm feel better. I was kinoing during the day and she was kinoing me while I was playing the piano before the kids went to bed. Sex was definitely on the table, I just blew it by trying too hard to withdraw attention after a rejection. I bet if I kept going sex would have happened.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 08:54 PM
2

Acta non verba. Got it.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 08:39 PM
2

Got it.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 08:38 PM
2

Yeah, that's been my beta covert contract method for nearly a decade to warm her up. I do have a long way to go, but I'm making progress.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 08:38 PM
1

Yep. Didn't say I was alpha yet. Working on it. Point is I don't think she's doing anything fishy, and I'm planning to take over finances completely.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 07:08 AM
1

No, I'm not waiting around trying to go 0-60 once the kids are in bed. I'm flirting and kinoing in front of the kids. Was playing a duet on the piano earlier that night laughing and having a good time with my arm around her, then I was tickling the kids and roughhousing with them. What I was talking about actually initiating sex and privacy is necessary for that. I like your "my time is important to me" thought and I've been much busier lately owning my shit. Wife feels a little neglected becaus…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 05:50 AM
2

We have good sex once a week-ish. I'd prefer wild sex every day or two, but that doesn't mean I'm unhappy. My life is good. I took the red pill to crank it to 11.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 05:36 AM
3

Thanks. I should have done exactly what you did. I had been reading downstairs and went up to initiate, then she was complaining about her arm. I figured I could make that feel better and get her warmed up at the same time, but you're right, it was a dang covert contract in the back of my mind. You're also right, the underwear thing probably was LMR. My cycle tracking app said yesterday was ovulation, so I think you're right that she was disappointed it didn't end in sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 05:33 AM
2

Perhaps. But I think if I raise my SMV, be attractive, and let dread do its work, things will improve. If not, I'm going to have my pick of the litter in 15 years. The stay and go plan are the same, they're just on a long timeline.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 03:50 AM
1

She's got the utilities setup to autopay and statements to come to her email. The online portion is just a matter of writing down the actual electric/gas/water/phone/internet/garbage/HOA bill amount in the bank register (a shared google doc) replacing the estimate we had in our budget. I've got visibility of everything going on and even get notifications from the bank of any transaction over $100. I think it's a matter of she doesn't want to go into 8 utility accounts and change the notification…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 03:46 AM
1

Any suggestions how to keep the kids at bay so we have some privacy?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 03:33 AM
4

Thanks, Steel. No, the number one problem has been you. Right. My crappy covert contracts and being not attractive. I read your linked post and noticed this gem: Should you withdraw your attention if your wife is behaving in a way that doesn't deserve your attention? Of course. What you should not do is clumsily bring your attention level from 100 to 0. My abrupt stop was exactly the clumsy 100 to 0 I was warned about (yes, I've read it before). So, until I'm way further down the road and I'm re…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 03:29 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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