Cheating

whitebunny87 · 2017-12-05T08:02:56+00:00

i'm so sorry, what you're going through now is just awful. it sounds like even with all of your grief and pain (and pregnancy!) you're keeping a very level head about it.

you speak so well of your husband, you clearly love and respect him deeply which makes this all so much harder, but it also means that the marriage is not lost. i think that you're right in wanting to repair things and remain a family. if you'd come here at the time of the cheating i'd have a very different answer, but what's done is done and you'll soon have a child together.

i can't be much help on the forgiveness side of things, but i do think that the fact that it happened before you were married is a positive. some men treat marriages entirely differently to relationships, and treat wives very differently to girlfriends. obviously he was wrong to cheat, but if it was all pre-marriage/engagement and nothing of the sort has happened since i would say it's possible that it's behind him.

what was your relationship like in that first year when he cheated? did it become serious quickly, or later on? had you discussed marriage/children around the time that he was cheating? were you living together? were you arguing or having any issues?

have you asked him why he cheated? cheating to escape conflict with a serious partner, or because you can't control your urges is very different to cheating on a new gf to have some fun when you don't expect the relationship to go anywhere. is it possible he didn't realise at the time how important you would become to him, and later upgraded you from a casual gf to his future wife? these are all things you should be asking him, and you should expect a clear and honest answer from him.

many people disagree with me on this, but i actually think that it can be a relatively good sign if a man keeps his infidelity to himself. obviously you don't want cheating to happen full-stop, but if it has happened i think that men often tell their wives for selfish reasons.

i was cheated on in my last relationship - he told me about it, then i went to my dad for advice. my dad said that if a man tells you about these things it's either because 1. he's looking for an excuse to leave the relationship, or 2. he is selfishly relieving his dirty conscience. he told me that if a man makes a mistake and commits himself to never doing it again, there is no point telling the woman - all it will do is put his own pain onto her.

it seems counterintuitive wanting your man to lie to you about these things, but maybe try looking at it this way. he held an awful secret on his own for years and years, quite possibly because he knew it wouldn't happen again and he didn't want to hurt his wife.

please try not to blame yourself for this. it all happened a very long time ago, and since then he's obviously decided that you're worthy of being his wife and the mother of his children. if he was cheating early on he's clearly got options, and as awful as his actions were, he chose you as his wife above anyone else.

i'm sure it's going to hurt for a long time, i can't even imagine how i'd feel in your position, but it will get better. it sounds like despite how things started out, you've now got a trustworthy, loving husband with you. try to look at him as he is now, not who he was years ago when he betrayed you. people change a lot in 7 years, it sounds like he's changed for the better.

all the best, please PM me if you need someone to talk to <3

M23W0OH7FV2t · 2017-12-05T07:15:26+00:00

I don't have any advice, except to express how sorry I am that you are going through what you are.

Honey_Mommy_82 · 2017-12-09T18:49:15+00:00

This sounds like a really harrowing thing to go through. Have you done your due diligence ot make sure that it isn't still happening?

"Trickle Truthing" is a recognized problem for cheaters. Part of the suspicion you're seeing here is because it is uncommon for them to confess to 100% of their activities.

lapetitefleur89 · 2017-12-06T19:11:11+00:00

You really seem like a wonderful woman. I admire you! I agree, this is certainly not the end of a marriage. Men deal with so many temptations these days, it's insane. Think back to our great grandfathers, they did not even have women working with them, so they were never in close proximity with loads of other women like men today. My husband's employer is traditional catholic so he does not hire women, as he believes they belong at home. It is a huge blessing because I imagine I'd feel very jealous if he were working closely with women everyday. Most men are not so lucky and are surrounded with women all week. I know ultimately, it is up to them whether or not they cheat but one can see how they fall to temptation. Keep your good spirits, my dear, he is very blessed to have such a faithful wife. My brother was cheated on by his wife and he forgave her, he is an incredible man (she was working part-time, new mother, young, and foolish...not to mention a very traumatic upbringing). They went on to have half dozen children and are very happy! I think it humbled her beyond belief and she realized what she almost lost! I will keep you in my prayers, and congratulations on your baby<3

Title	Cheating
Author	gemmv
Upvotes	7
Comments	12
Date	December 5, 2017 2:00 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/7hmehw/cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/cheating.208652 https://theredarchive.com/post/208652

Comments