Check Yourself

cats_or_get_out · 2016-05-05T01:45:39+00:00

"Dear RPW, I am doing all the RPW things, and he still isn't doing what I want him to do. I am trying to make him lead, and he won't! What do I do to change him into the alpha I want him to be?"

This post is a good resource for women who write in these questions. Fortunately, I have seen fewer of these types of posts lately, but they always seem to pop up eventually.

littleteafox · 2016-05-05T16:43:16+00:00

I love articles like these. So much good sense. The language of it can easily be seen as offensive by people who choose to take it that way, or it can be empowering. Like this:

Submissive wives, we do not deserve the men we have. I don’t care if this statement is true or not (meaning, don’t bother debating this with me- it’s irrelevant) this is what we are to believe. We are not worthy and we must always seek to be worthy.

She's right, the accuracy of that statement is not important. It's the frame of mind! We are not entitled, we don't "deserve" anything. Life owes us nothing. People owe us nothing. It's about being the best you can be for someone else who loves you. It's too easy to fall into complacency and having unrealistic expectations from other people. The only thing you can control, to some degree, is yourself. Life is too short to be anything other than your best. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and the only thing left of me will be the feelings and memories of me in other people.

margerym · 2016-05-05T01:13:54+00:00

I know that we are trying to be better women, to be good women, but that doesn’t make us those things. Even after all of our hard work we only have more hard work to do. It’s a process not a destination. We must, and please listen closely here, we must always check ourselves.

What is my motivation in this?

Is this for me or is it for him?

Am I letting my emotions get the better of me?

Am I trying to emulate my friends?

Am I attention seeking?

Where is the benefit in what I am doing/thinking/feeling?

I really need this reminder right now. It's so easy to forget to be mindful of our thoughts and actions but it is integral to being the women we want to be.

Winter_Rains · 2016-05-05T02:03:59+00:00

There is a shrew living in all of us. What’s more she’s immortal. We kill her and then have to kill her all over again. And so it goes. Think of your shrew as a vampire- she is enticing, she wants to suck the life out of those you love, and she just keeps coming back from the dead. Don’t ever for one second think she is gone for good. Don’t breathe a sigh of relief, don’t turn your back, don’t congratulate. She’s never truly gone and it is your job alone to get rid of her.

This is something I needed to hear.. Sometimes my "shrew" comes back up and I think, "really? I thought I was done with this" and I feel frustrated and down with myself. But realising this just makes me know it's normal and to not give up.

My SO is currently battling his cigarette addiction (and winning so far; it's been great getting to support him through it) and has started realising he will always have to deal with the want of another smoke, regardless of how long he quits for.

It's a stretch of a comparison to say my shrew is similar to his addiction, but when I read this paragraph it made me think of his struggles as well.

CoochQuarantine · 2016-05-05T11:44:59+00:00

Thank you for this...I always have to check my motives. I know I'm a level 17 manipulator so I constantly have to do a sanity check.

whistling_dixie · 2016-05-05T18:03:43+00:00

Ouch. This hurt to read, but I am glad I did. I am most definitely still holding onto my dolled-up shrew ways. In a previous relationship with a Shakespearean actor, I was called Katharina and it hurt worse than any hand across the face could.

I don't think I've quite tamed that shrew yet ...that harlot keeps poking her head around the corner every now and then.

Thank you for the tremendous insight - I've never actually read your blog, but it's fantastic from the little bit I've read!

eliza_schuyler · 2016-05-05T01:39:16+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. I find it so easy to "walk the walk" but less easy to fully mentally commit to my behaviour. This is such a good reminder.

This is what I am loving about RPWi- these constant reminders of ways to add value to our SOs lives without falling into common traps. It's really helping me meet my relationship goals <3

P.S. Love your writing style /u/margerym

[deleted] · 2016-05-05T05:21:59+00:00

I might still have a little shrew in me...

Title	Check Yourself
Author	margerym
Upvotes	14
Comments	9
Date	May 5, 2016 1:12 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4hxou1/check_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/check-yourself.210019 https://theredarchive.com/post/210019

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