Cocooning's Web of Mental Dysfunction

PhantomDream09 · 2016-10-21T17:58:51+00:00

So glad you shared this article!

Everything in the article really rings true not only to what I have observed, but also how I have behaved in different settings. Some of the descriptions really made me laugh.

In fact, that point generalizes: lacking the feedback that comes from lots of social interaction, they don't know how they measure up on all sorts of dimensions, not just nervousness. Are they funny? Are they charming? How can they know without interacting and judging the results of how others respond? They don't exactly feel worthless -- that is, having a keen sense that others do definitely have a low view of them. It's more like a pervasive self-doubting.

I see this so much in peers and friends and family. The uncertainty, and level of anxiety is alarming. I am a fairly cautious and anxious person myself (apprehensive and wary - particularly of strangers). What's interesting is how cocooning also goes hand in hand with people 'showcasing' success, improvement, happiness, and popularity via online outlets like Facebook, LinkdIn, Twitter, Instagram, and reddit. They are insecure with their social standing, so they are meticulous about the online presentation of their lives. It's also easier to feel like a star or a celebrity when you can hook-into the spinning wheel of likes, follows, and friend-requests.

"Am I popular? -- Of course! Look at how many likes, retweets, and emoticons I have accumulated from people!"

The obsessions stem directly from the self-doubt because the cocooner feels uncomfortable accepting feedback from others.

This almost seems heightened today - people want feedback and validation, but only if it's extremely positive. Occam and I watched a great video last night. Stefan Molyneux talked about how the media feeds and nurtures the public's desire for 'unreality.' It's the comforting assurance that 'the debt can be fixed,' 'everyone can secure a comfortable life,' entertainment, games, movies - all these distractions that keep people from understanding and properly investigating really troubling issues. Being fed a never ending stream of 'unreality' actually turns the population into a volatile mob whenever someone strolls along spouting hard truths.

It's easy to see how sensitive, quick to rage, insecure, and touchy people are these days. It's not just feminists, or SJWs - across the board people are more reactive and frail when it comes to facing hard facts. I think cocooning, going online for validation, saturation of unreality, and the never ending march of 'equality' under the banner of 'feminism' are all coalescing into a perfect storm of f-ckery.

I strongly encourage people to watch the entirety of this video, but the link I'm sharing here jumps you into the video by 20 minutes or so.

Back to the article.

Have you been in a college computer lab lately? It's amazing how long they fuss over a simple 2-page paper, forever deleting and re-writing, and pausing for long stretches to beat themselves over the head about whether their examples are good enough. And of course it still comes out sounding however it would've sounded if they'd only taken 30 minutes instead of 3 hours. They're simply too OCD to get shit done.

Yes yes yes! Students worry themselves (sometimes literally) sick over projects that shouldn't be time consuming. What's interesting is how this obsession manifests. When I was in college, some people delayed actually starting a paper (or studying for a test) as much as possible. In order to drown out the panic and the nagging thoughts, they distracted themselves with anything and everything (wasting time online, partying etc).

I think my years in college were interesting simply because it was when FB was really starting to take off and infiltrate the mainstream to a large degree. There was a steady increase of selfies and general acceptance of vanity photos as part of normal social life that went beyond the typical groups you would expect (enthusiastic and popular party girls etc). All the students, whether athletes, engineers, nurses, or theater etc - all started increasing their online participation and documenting habits while also still going through normal socializing habits. Men and women alike, forming poses and taking (and retaking) photos in the middle of social gatherings for long stretches of time...where before the internet, it would have been a few photos quickly before getting back to the purpose of the evening (being around people and interacting). Parties were a mix of phone screen lights and party beats. From my Freshman to Senior year - the acceptability of 'being on your phone while with friends' definitely increased a lot.

Some students couldn't wait to start working on projects or papers (getting back to the original point haha) - they felt so pressured and were so strict with themselves. Nothing was ever done 'enough' and no project was ever 'satisfactory.' Between the personal expectations they placed on themselves as well as the external ones - I saw classmates (and teammates) work themselves to exhaustion and develop a lot of negative habits (little to now sleep, over-indulgence, eating disorders, pulling out hair, nervous ticks etc).

I wasn't immune to it either. I had horrible sleeping habits my Junior year (insomnia due to over-worrying, and having an insane schedule, as well as some health concerns). We all made it through in the end. My Senior year was dominated by an overwhelming feeling of stagnation, I was ready to go and get on with things.

The rise of OCD over the past 20 years, nowhere more visible than in the game of beer pong and other rigidly defined drinking games, had its parallels in the mid-century with housewives running nervously on their domestic treadmill, and the husband running nervously on the promotion treadmill.

Yes! Drinking in college always had a long list of rules. I didn't drink, and found the practices very interesting. Everyone was there to get wasted, but they had to do so in the correct way. This generally happened at smaller or medium size house parties, the full blown events were more of a manic consumption of every available vice.

'Pre-funking' (the hours spent together with other friends preparing to go out) also featured a lot of rituals and rules. Girls getting showered, made up, and dancing to specific playlists, sharing a round of shots etc. Being involved with athletics, I was no stranger to superstition (I had some silly rituals myself) that eased nerves and anxiety and created a sense of confidence. The same ideas applied to going out...certain things had to be completed in order for people to know they could have fun.

the mid-century for prescription barbiturates, amphetamines, and anti-anxiety drugs, and the current period for prescription anti-depressants. Unlike recreational drugs, these are taken regularly to treat what they feel is a chronic illness, not to every now and then transport their ordinary mind into an extraordinary state.

Therapy, student services, designated dorm leaders...there was a prominent web of people on campus dedicated to helping students root out 'problems' (sometimes real, sometimes not) and it was entirely normal for students to go to a school therapist in the student health center, or to have a private one. It's important to note that therapy etc wasn't talked about casually or openly, it was reserved for close friends (if that). Overall, it was just one of those things that people knew was happening, even if there wasn't a lot of open public chatter Everyone had a 'dark story' or personal demons (again I was no exception, thinking that my problems were somehow unique and tremendous - they were bothersome and did affect me to certain degrees).

Self-satisfaction would seem to contradict the self-doubt, but it's the direct result of it -- with no feedback from others about where you stand on all those dimensions, you fill it in yourself or listen to what your nuclear family members say, all of which is biased toward inflating your ego.

Insecurity combined with self-delusion is an intoxicating mix. I always think it's funny when someone on several types of scripts (for 'mental health') and who will happily drone on about their personal trials one minute - will utterly inflate with angry fumes if you share some options for working through a tough spot. It's the same deluded stubbornness that the black knight displays (for comedic effect) when he says "It's only a flesh wound"

When you do occasionally sense what others feel about you, and that it clashes with your own view, you dismiss them out of hand as clueless.

This goes back to the 'unreality' feed that everyone taps into, knows about, but also wants to deny. When faced with hard facts, it's uncomfortable, so much better to swap things around and edit the narrative until everything looks like sunshine and roses.

And they all had a knack for that smirky-smuggy sassy-face that should look familiar to residents of the Millennial age

The women pictured literally only need a microscopic nudge in their lips to achieve the proper 'duck face' alignment.

Never_Evil · 2016-10-21T17:06:02+00:00

Omg wow this article is insanely insightful, thank you for sharing!! XD <3 I've been a cocooner for sure, and I'm hyperaware of that now.

wasting too much time on tasks because of obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions and counter-actions, second-guessing themselves for hours instead of just going to it

Yup, me. Sigh, lol.

Self-satisfaction would seem to contradict the self-doubt, but it's the direct result of it -- with no feedback from others about where you stand on all those dimensions, you fill it in yourself or listen to what your nuclear family members say, all of which is biased toward inflating your ego

Also totally relatable.

cocooners always begin a movement toward popping "happy pills" rather than relieve tension by socializing and realizing from others' reactions to your over-blown fears that your world isn't about to implode after all

I've seen this to be the case with people I know, except I'm not a fan of 'happy pills'. Would rather figure out how to make myself happy on my own - and definitely part of that is socializing and opening up to others and letting yourself be vulnerable around them.

So there's a comment in that post that says the following:

Are you saying that kind of "I'm less than other people, and being around others makes me feel aware of that, so I'll drop out, even if I don't particularly think they're exploitative" shyness and withdrawal just doesn't exist, or that it's the infrequent kind? It always seemed like the more frequent type to me.

I agree with that 'cause I know I've felt that way a lot, except it might just be my limited experience, idk. Thoughts?

nouvelle_rouge · 2016-10-23T02:12:25+00:00

This was a really, really great read. Thank you, Camille!

Title	Cocooning's Web of Mental Dysfunction
Author	Camille11325
Upvotes	9
Comments	4
Date	October 21, 2016 4:46 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/58o8an/cocoonings_web_of_mental_dysfunction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/cocoonings-web-of-mental-dysfunction.209459 https://theredarchive.com/post/209459

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