Getting Serious About Solipsism

TempestTcup · 2017-03-04T02:19:55+00:00

I'm not an expert on the subject (See what I did? Now it's all about me, LOL!), but I believe it is female nature, and some are more than others. It is amoral and it is a feature not a defect.

Women seem to be more of the home and hearth and day to day living. We are more intimate in our friendships than men, more emotional, more in-group. Solipsism is women wanting to relate to other people to form a closer bond, and since woman's frame is verbal, we form that bond through talking.

Men are more "of the world" and seem more oriented to long term plans; they seem less intimate on the surface, and they generally have less intimate conversations. Men seem to bond more through action (man's frame is action) and are more out-group. Men can and do have solipsism, but they are generally not as inwardly directed as women.

littleeggwyf · 2017-03-03T15:49:21+00:00

I don't really get the complaint about compliments, telling someone you value them for the things they make you feel and how they benefit make your life better seems nice?

I see that list and the reply and it seems like the list includes some things which are compliments about him and his behaviour and how he is special to her. The complaint that she'd say the same to anyone doesn't seem true unless they had the same good points!

I think avoiding it is difficult, I do judge things by how I'd feel sometimes but trying to see how my husband would feel has got easier over time, and I ask questions more to try and understand him.

blushinglilly · 2017-03-03T12:43:03+00:00

Is solipsism the result of female nature? Or is this a recent phenomenon?

I think that everything we are as humans is affected by our gender to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the circumstances and on other factors. I think that all men and women are solipsistic, it just expresses itself differently between individuals. So no I wouldn't say it was the result of female nature, but a part of human nature.

I think it's probably been part of human nature as long as we've been humans.

However what is a more recent phenomenon is the embracing of solipsism as a virtue. You don't have to look too far back in time to see that literature aimed at women, both fictional and otherwise, focused a lot women doing their duty to God, or the family.

Often this is criticised in modern writing as women being forced to put others before themselves, but this is an unfair criticism in my opinion. I think this writing focused on women being part of a wider society, they were not expected to put everyone else's needs first, they were expected to fulfil a role for the good of everyone including themselves.

Is this amoral?

I think it depends on how you act. We all have negative, selfish, egocentric thoughts and behaviours. I think it's very difficult to eliminate those completely, but you can control whether or not you act upon them.

Is there a way to successfully navigate around it?

I think it's difficult to, but possible. It requires mindfulness and wisdom to balance between not being selfish and not developing a doormat mentality or martyr complex.

It seems as simple as shut up and listen/don't insert yourself when he comes to you for a soft place to land, but what about giving compliments? Even a sweet gesture might be dripping with solipsism?

I think the criticism of the list giver in the example you link to is pretty harsh, particularly the last comment. The other day my husband gave me a list, verbally not in written form, of things he loved about me and the vast majority were about things that I did for him and our family rather then things about 'me'. I didn't think this was solipsistic, I thought it was nice. If we had done it the other way round I think my list would have had the same sort of structure.

The 'shut up and listen/don't insert yourself' strategy you describe is a very good one but it's something you've got to take further then that. In my view it's not just about when he comes to you for a soft place to land, but generally in your daily life.

I think compliments are great, but you've got to tune in to your partners love language, and they have to be part of a wider package. It's no good giving great compliments if you neglect him on all other fronts for example. There are some men who view actions as being more important as words, so for example regularly providing him with a home cooked meal might mean more then a compliment. Also if he doesn't feel supported by you generally then compliments aren't going to get you very far.

[deleted] · 2017-03-03T16:29:31+00:00

I think solipcism, like any other quality, has its good and its bad side. It can be a great way to make connections and relate to people. But on the bad side, it can be really off-putting and isolating. I'm thinking of women who start every political debate with something like "As a woman of color, I feel..." hard to have a two-way conversation with this kind of solipcism going on.

StingrayVC · 2017-03-03T19:09:14+00:00

Is solipsism the result of female nature?

Yes. It is part of our nature.

Or is this a recent phenomenon?

It is a more recent phenomenon to celebrate it and wallow in it.

Is this amoral?

Solipsism itself is amoral. What we do with it is not.

Is there a way to successfully navigate around it?

Yes. Realize that what you may feel about something strongly does not dictate the truth of that thing. Also, realize that even when we think we know the people closest to us very well, solipsism can jump in there and blind you to something that might be going on with them. Try not to let it sneak up on you.

Compliments can be a form of solipsism or they can be very sincere. I think sincerity in the key.

Title	Getting Serious About Solipsism
Author	FlowerFluff
Upvotes	12
Comments	18
Date	March 3, 2017 7:56 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5x9654/getting_serious_about_solipsism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/getting-serious-about-solipsism.209077 https://theredarchive.com/post/209077

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