I'm questioning my new relationship and wondering how much to "put up with" in attempts to make things work.

How old are you and how familiar are you with RPW? 25, been lurking here (on another account) for a year. Familiar with the concepts but still trying to apply them to my life (hence this post). Boyfriend is 30, if that matters.

What is your relationship status? In a relationship/dating.

How long have you been together? 3 months.

Is your relationship long-distance? No.

Do you have an active bedroom life? Yes.

What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!)

  • We became exclusive/boyfriend-girlfriend pretty quickly after meeting (1 month). I have a history of getting into relationships too soon. But he was great, treated me better than anyone else ever has. He also is serious about finding someone to settle down with (as am I) so he didn't want to beat around the bush. Thinking back, I wish I had insisted on more time to get to know and vet him, but I didn't want to lose a great thing by not being open.

  • First 2 months were amazing, then as the honeymoon phase wore off things got less shiny. (Let me know if I'm badmouthing him and I'll edit this, I'm just trying to be straightforward.) As great as he is, he can get passive aggressive when he doesn't get his way. Also, I don't think his career is something that can support a family, which is what we both said we want. He's romantic, which I love about him, but sometimes it feels like he lives in this fantasy land where "love is all we need." It's frustrating now, and I wonder how much more it will be later down the line.

  • He doesn't own a car, which I knew from the beginning. For the area I live, it's strange and unusual but not unheard of. And I was okay with doing the driving since he was picking up the bills for our dates and planning fun stuff. Then he lost his job last week. I don't want it to sound like I'm keeping score, but relationships should be a give-and-take. I'm feeling resentful that everything is now on me, that I shouldn't be pressured like this so early on.

How have you contributed to the problem? Nothing, aside from thinking about all this. I've been trying to be supportive and help him as much as I can.

How long has this been an issue? About a month.

What have you done to resolve this problem? We had a discussion about the whole job situation. I told him I was concerned for his (and what would be our) future. He seems convinced things will turn around (I swear, I have a whole new meaning for the term "eternal optimist" after I met him). Then he said what he always tends to say in these situations: "If you want to leave, I understand." This is the fourth time he's told me this. I think it's a result of low self esteem on his end. But, it's not fun when you express concern or worry to your partner and his first reaction is, You can leave if you want.

Sorry if this turned into a vent session, I've never posted here before. Any help would be appreciated.