When the children went down for a nap this afternoon my husband and I went in our room and were laying on the bed talking.

I found it so relaxing to be able to enjoy each other’s company and talk without the kids and usual noise.

After a few minutes he got angry with me saying I was ignoring him and didn’t want to spend time with him. This was baffling to me considering I was literally laying in bed next to him talking, neither of us had our phones out, the tv wasn’t on, etc.

When I asked how I was ignoring him, he said I was petting our cat (she had jumped into my lap) and so clearly I wanted to spend time with her instead, and went into the living room. As he was leaving I asked him not to and said I wanted to spend time with him, and moved the cat away from me.

Later he returned and said that earlier when I was in the kitchen, he came in and tried to be affectionate with me but I didn’t return it. I presume this to be true, I honestly don’t remember it. I was making lunch for our kids and his mother, doing dishes, cleaning up, etc... basically I was distracted.

I apologized for missing that, and said that wasn’t my intention to ignore him, and was sorry I was distracted.

He also mentioned that while we were talking in the kitchen, at one point when he started sharpening his knife, I said I wanted to pause our conversation and go in the other room, and finish it when he was done. For anyone that’s not heard that sound, it’s like nails on a chalkboard, except 1000 times worse. That metal sharpening sound, coupled with our toddlers in the background, is a lot. So I stepped out of the kitchen, went to put the children down for nap, thinking we’d finish the conversation afterwards.

He kept saying over and over that I was ignoring him and didn’t want to spend time with him, again while we’re literally laying in bed talking, and that now he doesn’t want to go to dinner with me.

Then he says he doesn’t want to talk anymore, so I say ok (still very confused but not wanting to further anger him) and leave the room. But then he gets furious that I left the room (I guess?) and says I’m clueless, so he’s leaving, and does.

We had a wonderful morning doing an Easter Egg Hunt with our family. We were intimate twice yesterday (for anyone wondering if we haven’t had sex and that’s the root of this, it’s not).

I started sobbing as he was leaving, mainly out of exhaustion and frustration with the constant whiplash - things are fine, then he’s angry, then they’re fine, then he’s angry — this isn’t to say I never do anything wrong or give him cause to be angry. It’s that a good percentage of the time that he’s angry I’m absolutely baffled as to what I did wrong or how to fix it.

As he was leaving and I’m sobbing he came in saying that him leaving is “what I want” and now this is my last chance to “fix it” before he leaves (which further confuses me) and at that point I’m so baffled, and focused on trying to regain composure and stop sobbing, that I can’t even process what he’s saying anymore so I don’t even respond.

Today for example, I don’t know how I was “ignoring him” when I’m laying in bed next to him talking to him with no phone or tv on? Even once I took the cat off the bed, apologized for not returning his affection in the kitchen, he was still angry and continued accusing me of not wanting to spend time with him and ignoring him.